


My Broken Thorns And All

by PhilosoFisch



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Byeongkwan helps him, Byeongkwan is whipped, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, It's all chan's fault, M/M, Nightmares, Phone Calls, Street Racing, but he's a floof, dongjunchan being cute, might be funny sometimes, sehyoon seems intimidating, sehyoon's past is messed up, some other idols have cameos, some violence, stupid decisions in general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilosoFisch/pseuds/PhilosoFisch
Summary: Sehyoon thinks he's a bad guy. Until Byeongkwan reminds him that he's not.Or: A story of nightly phone calls, friendship and coping with your past.
Relationships: Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow
Comments: 63
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there Choice!  
A.C.E and wowkwan in general gave me the feels so I wrote this mess. English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any mistakes!  
This is my first fanfiction and I would really appreciate your feedback <3  
I hope you enjoy!

„Chan, where exactly are we going?“, Byeongkwan asked nervously.

He was being pulled along at the sleeve by his best friend through the nightly outskirts of the city without a clue where the younger was taking him. But the boy with the flaming red hair was way too excited, jumping up and down as they went that Byeongkwan could have stopped him. Besides, if Chan couldn’t be stopped, it was better for him to have someone watch out for him. Even though Byeongkwan might not be the most intimidating person to meet at night on the street, he felt kind of obligated to protect the younger.  
Then again, which person who knew Kang Yuchan didn’t have the sudden urge to protect him? Especially when he was excitedly jumping from one dangerous situation to another.

„Come on, Kwan, we’re almost there!“, Chan cheered, pointing along the small alley they were walking through. In the distance, various sounds of roaring engines could be heard. Byeongkwan just prayed this wasn’t what he feared it was. But as soon as they stepped out of the alley onto a much broader street, his concerns were confirmed: On a dirt field next to the road that lead from the countryside into the city, there were a bunch of cars aligned, their flashy exteriors glowing in the headlights of the others. Almost all of them looked modified in any way, shape or form, though Byeonkwan couldn’t name it since he knew as much about cars as he knew about the deep secrets of the universe. Getting his driver’s license had been one of the less funnier episodes of his life and until today he didn’t really get what the hype about cars and driving them (especially at an ungodly speed) was all about.

Chan, obviously, had a vastly different opinion on the whole issue and became even more excited as he dragged Byeongkwan over to the small crowd of spectators that had gathered around the cars, words that absolutely made no sense in Byeongkwan’s head bubbling out of his mouth like a waterfall.

„Chan“, the older tried to reach out to the younger, but in vain.

„Yuchan“, he tried again, and sighed.

„Oh come on hyung, it’s just watching! Please just let me watch one race!“ The younger pouted, still not slowing in his step.

„For god’s sake Chan“, Byeongkwan murmured. „I’ll personally kill you if anything of this goes wrong. This is illegal and you know it“.

Chan rolled his eyes, turning back to Byeongkwan for the first time in a while. „It’s not illegal if we got lost on our way home and happened to walk by“, he stated, ending the argument. Byeongkwan internally screamed, but followed the younger anyway. Now he definetely couldn’t leave Chan alone, or this would only get worse.

They mixed into the crowd of strangers that stood at the roadside, Byeongkwan mostly hiding in the shadows. He felt uncomfortable, as he was surrounded by men thrice his size and weight who looked like they could easily break him in half if they wanted to. There were women as well, most of them sparsely dressed, who were competing for the attention of the drivers in a not so subtle way. Sure, Byeongkwan would have described himself normally as a quite extrovert and outgoing person, and he too liked to be the center of attention at a party or flirt with people, but this was something entirely different. Oh, and totally illegal. Especially that last thought crossed his mind all the time, causing him to tense up and hide as much as possible in his oversized sweater. Chan, on the other hand, was having the time of his life, cheering and shouting as five cars pulled up from the field onto the road, engines roaring as if to intimidate the others before the start.

Byeongkwan turned his head, noticing something odd: One of the five cars was silent. While the other four were hitting the gas pedal on the spot, making their tires screech, the driver of the pitch black car on the far left didn’t seem to be interested in those kind of shenanigans. The vehicle just stood there, headlights glowing like iridicent eyes in the dark, like a panther stalking his prey. A shiver went down Byeongkwan’s spine, but he blamed it on the cold breeze. The crowd turned more and more silent as the beginning of the race approached, the starting gun shot piercing the night like thunder.  
And in the blink of an eye, accompanied by the loud screams of the crowd and an impressive cloud of dust, they were off, off towards the city, their red tail lights leaving traces like blood in the dark. Byeongkwan looked over to Chan who was jumping up and down again, excitedly looking after them as the cars disappeared in front of the city skyline.

„How long will it take?“, Byeongkwan asked, still shivering in his clothes. Chan just shrugged, pointing to a spot on the other side of the road, a bit behind the finish line.

„Let’s go over there, we’ll be able to see much better!“, he explained, already on his way. Byeongkwan ran after him, still not wanting to be seen even though he doubted that anyone here could know him.

* * *

Chan was right, from this spot on the roadside they could see the headlights of the racers approach from afar and follow them up to the finish. It didn’t take too long until a pair of bright lights appeared in the distance, closing in on them at a fast pace. The others followed, but were clearly behind this one. Somehow, Byeongkwan had the feeling that the winner was the driver of the black car from the beginning, the one who had just stood there in silence.

„It’s him, it’s him!“, Chan cheered, recognizing the car far earlier than Byeongkwan did, but confirming Byeongkwan’s assumption: It was indeed the pitch black car that crossed the finish line first, sliding to an impressive halt without any hectic movements. The engine growled for a last time, before going silent, the sound being substituted by the cheers of the crowd. The window of the driver’s seat was let down and the winner leaned out, grabbing the roof of his car with one arm for support, grinning proudly and raising his other fist to the sky to celebrate his victory. He turned around a little and in the lights of the other racers that had arrived by now (though their arrival was drowned in the cheers for the winner), Byeongkwan could see his face.

And, to his surprise, he was the total opposite of what he thought a fierce, intimidating speed racer would look like. His facial features were quite soft, his wide smile radiating in the dark, strands of silvery white hair falling over his dark eyes that had the shape of crescent moons when he laughed like that. He could only be a few years older than Byeongkwan, if they weren’t the same age, and oh god was he beautiful. Byeongkwan’s cheeks suddenly gained a few shades in color as he stood still like a deer in the headlights, transfixed by the view in front of him. There was something about this man that captivated him in a strange way and he absolutely couldn’t understand what it was.

„Wow“, he silently murmured, it was all his brain was able to come up with.

It actually took Yuchan to wake him from his trance, shaking him a little, asking if Byeongkwan had seen a ghost. Byeongkwan just shook his head, then shook his whole body, then stared at Yuchan who had a smug grin on his face.

„So“, the younger started to speak up, but was interrupted by Byeongkwan grabbing his wrist and dragging him away.

„We’re leaving now, Yuchan“, he said briskly, storming off in the direction they came from, but not before throwing a last glance at the mysterious racer who was now leisurely sitting in his driver’s seat, one arm hanging out the window, while slowly making his way back through the crowd to the dirt field.  
He shook his head again, increasing his pace even further, pulling the still protesting Yuchan behind.  
This was dangerous.  
Especially this man was dangerous, Byeongkwan knew it, and he needed to get away before anything worse could happen. 

Except, it was already too late. 

* * *

Byeongkwan was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  
The alarm clock on his nightstand showed that it was 2:13 in the morning, meaning that he would be getting barely 4 hours of sleep before he had to get up for university tomorrow. But he couldn’t fall asleep. Because every god damn time when he closed his eyes, his subconscious constructed his dreams around a certain white haired man he had seen for about two and a half minutes in his entire life.

And when he was awake it was even worse.  
Something about him, about this whole evening at the race with Chan had stirred something inside of him and it was annoying. He turned to the other side of the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut. Hell, he didn’t even know his name. He was just some guy, some criminal, who was apparently pretty good at driving an expensive car. Who knows what he’d already done and how he was living his life.  
His very dangerous, undesirable, _criminal life._

__

„Curse you Kang Yuchan“, Byeongkwan hissed under his breath, burying his face in the pillow and throwing his blanket atop the heap that was his curled up body. Like this, he remained for a while. Then he turned around again, hitting the mattress with his fist.  
„He is a fucking criminal and you don’t even know him and does something you absolutely despise now get a hold of yourself Kim Byeongkwan!“, he said louder than intended, hitting his head on the post of his bed as he threw himself down.  
„Ouch“, he whined, but was too tired to do something against the throbbing pain in his head. 

Only when his alarm sounded a few hours later, he was painfully reminded of the bruise forming on his skin.

* * *

„How come you look so alive today, hyung?“, Chan asked in a mocking voice as Byeongkwan dropped himself in the chair next to him.  
Luckily, the lecture hall was large and most people had better things to do than to look at the other students, so Byeongkwan couldn’t care less that he looked like a zombie who had a car accident three days ago. Which actually wasn’t that far from reality, he thought bitterly.

„Hit my head. Probably a concussion. It was nice knowing you“, was all Byeongkwan retorted, letting his head fall back, closing his eyes.  
Chan just snorted, kicking him in the side with his elbow.

„You know these lectures are like, uhm, voluntary?“, he teased, being way too awake for the time of day.

„I know but I can’t fail another exam“, was all he got for an answer before the professor entered the room and started lecturing.  
For a change, Chan let Byeongkwan alone during the lecture, which was unexpectedly kind of him. But after all, he and Byeongkwan were still friends. Friends who constantly liked to tease each other, but friends. 

It was actually not until lunch that Chan brought up the hot topic. Stirring his noodles lazily with a pair of chopsticks, he looked at the older boy, waiting for him to talk. But since this took too long, he cleared his throat and said:  
„Will you tell me yourself or shall I guess what is keeping you up at night?“  
He raised an eyebrow at Byeongkwan, indicating that he had quite the idea of what was going on inside his friend’s mind. Byeongkwan just squinted, continuing to slurp his ramyun.

„I have no idea what you’re talking about“, he rather told his chopsticks than Chan.

Chan just rolled his eyes, letting out an overly dramatic sigh. Then he leaned over the table to Byeongkwan and whispered: „Wow“.

Byeongkwan blushed without knowing, but immediately got angry at Chan.  
„What is that supposed to mean now?“, he asked a little too loud, rubbing his still buzzing head afterwards.

„Oh, you know really well what I mean, Kwannie“, Chan grinned. „You stared at him for two minutes straight while your mouth hang open like you forgot how to breathe“.

„That’s not true“, Byeongkwan lied, avoiding Chan’s gaze.

„I just think that until you see him again, this won’t be getting better. You need to know something about him before your curious ass is satisfied“, the younger said matter-of-factly. Byeongkwan raised his head, looking directly at him for the first time today.

„Do you know anything about him?“, he asked, a trace of hope lingering in his voice. Chan just laughed, shaking his head.

„Remember, I was there for the first time, just like you. I would have never imagined that a racer“

„Chan stop it“

„An illegal street racer“

„Chan!“

„A criminal, so to say“

„Kang Yuchan I swear to god!“

„Would be the cause of my best friend to have sleepless nights“.  
Byeongkwan sighed, burying his head in his arms.

„That’s not true, I just need some distraction. The whole situation was terrifying“, he murmured, though he did not quite believe his own words.

„If you say so“, Chan laughed, patting his friend’s messy hair.  
„How about we get you some coffee and try to get your mind back on track?“

„That’s the first helpful thing you said all day“, Byeongkwan said and heaved his body up, preparing himself for the long way to the coffee shop.

* * *

Friday night came sooner than Byeongkwan expected. Chan’s words still rang in his ears, about he needed to see that racer (Wow, as his subconcious had creatively named him) again.  
And he really didn’t want to.  
He did absolutely not belong in that world, and he absolutely didn’t belong in this streets at this time of day.  
Yet still here he was, again wearing that sweater he wore a week ago as if he pitifully hoped to be recognized. He even had made the effort to put on a little make-up, just enough to boost his confidence. But now, as he walked through one narrow alley after the other, he kinda wished that he had told Chan about this. So he wouldn’t have to be alone right now. Even Chan mocking him would have been better than being lost alone in the outskirts of the city at nighttime. But once again Byeongkwans stubbornness had put him in a difficult situation and he had to deal with it.

„As if I need that hyperactive child to protect me“, he mumbled under his breath, stiffening his shoulders and stepping up his pace.  
He just wanted to take one more look. Maybe it was even for the best the situation creeped him out so his mind could get back on track. And then he would go on with his life, just as if nothing ever happened.

Going back to not giving a damn about shady people in fast cars and judging Chan for liking them.

The neon lights on the brick wall next to him flickered in a dirty white, reflections flashing in the puddles on the plaster beneath his feet. It had rained today, but now the sky was clear again. If he went just a little further, he would surely escape the city’s light pollution and be able to see the stars. Now that was something nice to look for, wasn’t it? Convincing himself that this was the new objective of his trip (and it would be mere coincidence to accidentally see a certain person), he pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders, looking for the fastest way to escape the labyrinth of brick wall buildings he found himself trapped in.  
He pulled out his phone, waiting for a GPS signal as he stared at the unfolding map on the screen. A little blue dot indicated his position, so if he just turned right at the next corner…

His train of thought came to a sudden halt when a tall shadow fell over him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks. A pungent smell of cheap alcohol and smoke filled his nostrils, causing him to wrinkle up his nose and slowly look up to what was blocking his way. The man grinning evilly down at him was easily two meters tall and his shoulders were double the size of Byeongkwan, his heavy frame covered by a washed out black shirt and a leather jacket. His hands were big and meaty and balled to fists as his small, scarily sharp eyes roamed over Byeongkwan’s tiny looking frame.

„What is a pretty girl like you doing here?“, he grinned, voice hoarse, as he leaned down to inspect Byeongkwan’s face. For a second, Byeongkwan considered to protest that he was a man, but quickly decided against it since, judging by the man’s appearance, this would probably only turn things for the worse. So he remained silent, eyes hectically trying to avoid looking at the tall man and finding a way out. The man raised one of his hands that could probably easily crush Byeongkwan’s face, wanting to touch his face with his filthy fingers, and Byeongkwan took a step back, prepared to run.

But he only bumped into something quite solid behind him, and judging by the stench, his harresser hadn’t come alone.

„Not so fast, pretty girl“, the second man said in a raspy voice, roughly grabbing Byeongkwan by the shoulders.  
„You’re not trying to run from us, are you?“ Byeongkwan just swallowed, holding his breath as he desperately tried to come up with a way to escape.

„Did you get lost, hm?“, the other continued, stepping even closer to Byeongkwan who was held tightly in place by the second man’s grip on his shoulders.  
„All alone at night… why don’t we take you with us as company?“

Now the first man took Byeongkwan’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning his head so he was forced to look at him. Byeongkwan squeezed his eyes shut, his whole body tensing up to stop himself from shivering. This got to be a bad dream, and surely he would wake up any second. This was not happening right now.

„Seems like she doesn’t like you coming so close“, the second man laughed as he watched Byeongkwan close his eyes in disgust, tightening the grip on his shoulders even more. 

„Oh I’m sure that will change“, the other replied, smirking evilly as he grabbed Byeongkwan’s waist with his other hand. Byeongkwan suppressed the sudden urge to vomit, panic rising up in his body rendering him unable to think. He had told nobody where he went. It was Friday night, so it probably wasn’t until monday until someone would be noticing he was missing. And then it could already be too late.

He swallowed again, refusing to break.  
_This is just a dream, just a dream_, he told himself over and over again, his lie sounding less and less credible the more often he told it. All he could hear was his own heartbeat, pounding louder and louder in his ears as he vainly tried to unwind himself from the hands holding him in place, his fingers digging into the fabric of his sweater in a miserable effort to stop the two men from touching his skin. 

And then, all of a sudden, a voice pierced through his mind, it was calm yet unbelievably sharp and intimidating and woke him from his trance.

„Immediately get your filthy hands off him or I swear to god it’s the last thing you do in your life“, the stranger said, he didn’t even have to scream or shout but the fire in his tone was doing the job.

Whoever this was, he was someone to either respect or fear, and probably it was best to do both.  
In an instant, the two harrassers backed away, Byeongkwan collapsing with the sudden loss of their grip on his body. He kneeled on the ground, mind blank with fear, shivering from head to toe.

„You better get lost before I remember your faces“, the stranger hissed, before squatting down on the sidewalk next to Byeongkwan’s curled up body. He smelled completely different and radiated warmth, and his voice was soft and almost soothing as he spoke to him.

„Did they hurt you?“, was all he asked, apparently seriously concerned.  
Byeongkwan barely shook his head, using all his strength left not to completely fall down on the ground.

„Can I help you up?“, the stranger asked, and from the corner of his eye Byeongkwan again saw a hand reaching out to him. Only this time it was a gesture of gentleness and he weakly nodded, basically handing his life over to the mysterious stranger. He lifted up his own hand, and suddenly he was on his feet again, stabilized by a soft touch at his arms. For the first time, he looked up to see the face of the man who probably saved his life and was now carefully holding his body in a dark alleyway at night. And he just swallowed, a silent gasp escaping his mouth. Because he knew he would recognize those dark eyes and those soft cheeks anywhere, even though he would have never imagined to see them up close.

„Are you alright?“, the white haired man asked worriedly, gazing into Byeongkwan’s eyes. Byeongkwan weakly nodded, unable to form coherent words. Then Wow frowned, tilting his head slightly to the side.

„You seem familiar“, he said quietly, looking up and down Byeongkwan’s figure.

„I- I saw you last week“, Byeongkwan stuttered, voice cracking halfway through the sentence.

„I remember you“, the racer nodded, clearly trying to gather his memories. „You stood there at the roadside, looking like you absolutely didn’t belong there. That’s why I remember you“, the taller man said slowly, still looking at Byeongkwan.  
„But what on earth were you doing here all alone? Someone like you doesn’t belong here“.

„I got lost“, Byeongkwan said, which was technically only half a lie. The man shook his head, slowly gesturing Byeongkwan over to the car that was parked a few meters away.

„This is no place to get lost at night. You’re lucky I found you“, he mumbled, still not letting go of Byeongkwan’s arm. „I’m taking you home. And please promise me to not come back. I would hate to find your body in some gutter“, he said bitterly, and it dawned on Byeongkwan that he probably wasn’t lying.

„Thank you“, was all he could whisper, a weak attempt to express his gratitude.

Wow just nodded, opening the door to the passenger seat and gesturing Byeongkwan inside. Then he sat down on the driver’s seat, closing the door. He turned to look at Byeongkwan, a soft smile around his lips.

„My name is Sehyoon“, he said, reaching his hand out to Byeongkwan once more. Byeongkwan took it, it was big and warm and comforting.

„Byeongkwan“, he said, doing his best to smile back.

„So, Byeongkwan“, Sehyoon said, turning the ignition key to start the engine, „Where can I take you so I never have to get you out of such a situation again?“

To his surprise, Byeongkwan had seldomly felt so safe driving with someone even though the flashing city ligts indicated they were going faster than he would usually like to. But still, the vehicle underneath him moved smoothly, making no more sounds than necessary and Wow - Sehyoon - radiated such a feeling of calmness that it was almost scary. His gaze was focused on the road, one hand on the steering wheel and one on the gearshift, tongue just barely sticking out between his lips as he hummed along to the song on the radio. Byeongkwan just remained silent, his mind way too busy trying to process the whole situation. He leaned himself further against his seat that was astonishingly comfortable, unclenched his fists and watched the city fly by outside the window. Occasionally, he threw a glance towards Sehyoon, just watching him do his thing. It would be understating to say he was impressed, but he remained silent until Sehyoon parked his car in front of the apartment building where Byeongkwan lived. Unsure what to do, he unclicked his seatbelt and reached for the door handle, waiting for Sehyoon to hold him back. But the other man didn’t, and so he opened the door and climbed out into the chilly night.

„I owe you my life“, he said, turning back and looking at the white haired driver.

„Just promise me to stay out of trouble, okay?“, Sehyoon said with a smile, his eyes definetely way too warm for someone with his influence. Then he rummaged in his pocket, fishing out a torn piece of paper and a broken pencil. Byeongkwan stared at him, waiting for what was to come next. Then Sehyoon handed him the paper, which obviously once had been a napkin, and Byeongkwan stared at the hastily scribbled numbers.

„I really wish for you that you won’t need it, but if something happens… You never know“, Sehyoon explained with a sigh. Byeongkwan just stared at him in disbelief, eyes flickering back and forth between the phone number and his owner.

„What if I’m not in trouble but still want to see you again?“, he said, hating himself for thinking out loud a second after. Sehyoon raised an eyebrow at him.

„You definetely deserve better company than someone like me“, he said with a bitter laugh. „Take care, Byeongkwan“. And with that he closed the car’s door and drove off into the night, soon vanishing out of sight.

„Take care“, Byeongkwan whispered, following the red taillights until they were swallowed by darkness, the piece of paper crumbling in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, congratulations on reading the first chapter!  
I really hope you liked it and I would love to hear some feedback <3
> 
> I have this work already finished, so I will be uploading this bit by bit soon.  
Thank yo so much for reading and stay safe!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second chapter!  
There will be some stupid decision for plot progression feat. probably too many tears. But it gets fluffy, don't worry. 
> 
> Still, English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for all mistakes!  
Enjoy <3

Things had gone way differently than Byeongkwan expected.  
If beforehand he had believed that, just as Chan had promised, he would stop thinking about that night at the race if he’d just see Sehyoon again he now hated himself for his naivety.  
Because it had made everything worse, let alone speaking of the phone number scribbled onto that torn piece of paper. That particular note was hidden in the lowest drawer of his nightstand and even though the number was long saved in his phone, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. Because right now, he was trying to forget and opening that drawer meant digging up the dead body he tried to ignore. He hadn’t told Chan about anything of this, the last thing he needed being his hyperactive friend reminding him of the latest events over and over again.  
At lunch, he had lied that he hadn’t gone out that night and decided to forget about the whole thing.  
Which only was half a lie, to be fair.  
And so he buried himself in his studies, staying up late finishing essays and other work he had to do, distracting himself in the best manner possible. If he kept this up, he might even pass all of his exams first try. 

It was about midnight when Byeongkwan got up from his chair, stumbling towards the kitchen for a glass of water. He didn’t even bother to turn on the lights, blindly reaching for the tap and holding his empty glass beneath the cold stream of water until it bubbled over the edges and flowed over his hand. Wiping his hand on his sweatpants, he turned off the stream of water, ready to make his way back to the desk. He had just taken a step forward when a cold hand grabbed him by the throat, the glass of water dropping to the ground and shattering into pieces.

„I told you we’d find you, pretty girl“, a malicious voice declared way too close to his ear. Byeongkwan screamed, throwing his fists around in a desperate attempt to break free, kicking with his feet after the second silhouette who had entered the room.

„No one here to hear your cries“, the other laughed, firmly holding Byeongkwan by the waist, his thumbs painfully digging into his skin. Byeongkwan screamed, all of his efforts to break free in vain, his strength declining further and further the more he tried to escape.

„You’re moving way too much, pretty thing“, one of his harrassers said, exhaling his foul breath on Byeongkwan’s face before firmly grabbing his arm.  
„Why don’t we make you stop?“ And then he started twisting his arm, pain shooting through his body as he felt his bones break, screaming for help - 

With a loud thump Byeongkwan hit the ground. Eyes cast wide open in shock and his whole body drenched in sweat, he looked around, finding himself next to his desk chair, that had fallen to the ground as well. His heart was racing like crazy, tears welling up in his eyes from both the relief and terror. It had just been a dream, a nightmare, probably the worst nightmare he’s ever had in his life. Still trying to control his heavy breathing he sat up, clutching his upper body with his arms.

_Just a dream, just a dream_, he mumbled to himself, feeling for the fifth time that both of his arms were still attached as a whole. Suddenly, he was freezing in his shorts and t-shirt, a drop of cold sweat running down his forehead before mixing with his silent tears. Dragging his body over the floor, he reached for the lowest drawer on the nightstand, fumbling for that little piece of paper inside.

His palms were sweaty and he smudged the numbers while unfolding it, shivering from head to toe. But the numbers were still there, scribbled with a lead pencil that almost tore the soft paper, all askew and messy but somehow following a pattern at the same time.  
Byeongkwan closed his eyes, breathing in and out and in and out before opening them again.  
He stood up, turning on all possible lights in his room before wrapping himself in his blanket. Then, he continued to stare at Sehyoon’s phone number. And a tiny little thought entered his mind, whispering to him like a little demon sitting on his shoulder:

_ What if this isn’t Sehyoon?_

Why on earth would Byeongkwan trust this stranger and who guranteed him that he wasn’t actually a complice of those two bullies? If the latter was the case, they knew where he lived. It was just a matter of time until they found him for sure.  
What should he do, call the police? But he didn’t have any names to give. Besides, Sehyoon was probably not even his real name. And he had no evidence whatsoever. After all, Sehyoon had saved him from the two bullies and he knew better than to thank him by putting him to jail.  
For a second, he considered calling Chan and telling him everything, but he didn’t want to drag the younger into this.  
With a sigh, he reached for his phone, opening his chats.  
Chan didn’t need to know about everything to spam Byeongkwan with memes and bad jokes which he gladly did, no matter the time.

* * *

It was two days later, and Byeongkwan hadn’t gotten much sleep. Chan said something about him looking like a body that had been laying in water for days, but didn’t mind as the older stumbled into his apartment this evening.

„I’m having terrible nightmares“, Byeongkwan said weakly, dropping onto Chan’s bed.

„And so you decided to invite yourself over“, Chan nodded, sitting down next to his best friend. Then, he reached for the nightstand, pulling one drawer open. A mess of cables poured out, but the red haired boy managed to extract a playstation controller from the chaos.  
„Game night?“, he asked with a smug grin.

„I’m getting snacks“, Byeongkwan nodded, wanting nothing more than to stuff his face with chocolate right now.

They took turns playing, since Chan only owned one controller, but it was fun nontheless. Chan had his victory streak and Byeongkwan had his chocolate and so the hours passed in the blink of an eye.

„We’re out of snacks“, Chan declared as they took a break, rummaging the kitchen for something more to eat. Byeongkwan pouted, looking over at the clock hanging on the wall.

„The convenience store might still be open“, he considered and Chan nodded in agreement.

„How about I go get something and you make us some coffee?“, he proposed, already putting on his jacket. Before Byeongkwan could say anything, he was out the door.

The coffee machine next to him was making bubbly sounds as one drop of dark liquid after the other added to the pool forming at the bottom of the pot. As a matter of habit, Byeongkwan pulled out his phone, checking through his chats, even though no one had messaged him. He stopped scrolling, staring at the phone number he now knew by heart. Images flashed through his mind, images of Sehyoon reaching out to him and pulling him back on his feet, gently holding him steady as his mind was still spinning. Then, both of them in the car on their way to Byeongkwan’s home, the taller man so calming beside him that all scars of the nightmares seemed to fade away.  
A blush crept up Byeongkwan’s cheeks, warming his face as his ears turned a shade of pink.  
One little click on the tempting green button next to the number was all it would take. Chan was still out and -  
Byeongkwan stared in shock at the display of his phone, his subconscious having already decided.

„Shit shit shit“, he cursed, panicking. What should he do? Hang up? Maybe Sehyoon wouldn’t even answer.  
Maybe the number was incorrect.  
But he was proven wrong as after only two short beeps a calm, yet slightly concerned voice came through the speaker. It was a little distorted, but still unmistakably Sehyoon.

„Hello?“, he asked, waiting for Byeongkwan to say something. Byeongkwan just stared, his heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears.  
„Byeongkwan, is it you?“, Sehyoon asked and Byeongkwan would give anything to bury himself in the ground right now.  
„Are you alright?“ Sehyoon sounded even more concerned now.

„I am sorry for bothering you I promise to never call you again it was a mistake“, Byeongkwan hastily said, words just spilling out of his mouth before he pressed the red button to end the call. Beads of sweat covered his forehead, his heart was still racing. What had gotten into him? Did he even think about this? The answer to the second question was a clear no. He sat down on the floor, phone still in his hand.

Everything about this whole situation was really, really unhealthy for him, he decided, closing his eyes.  
About five seconds later, his phone buzzed. Opening one eye, he squinted at the screen.  
One single message popped up on the display, as if it was waiting patiently for Byeongkwan to read it. He brought his phone closer to his face, deciphering the text:

_Are you really alright or shall I come beat someone up?_

He sighed, facepalming himself. He wished he could make the whole situation undone. But before he could decide on anything to do, his phone buzzed again, another message popping up:

_And don’t apologize for calling_  
Byeongkwan squinted, taking aback by the message.

_I just really want to know you’re safe_

Well that really was a turn of events. Byeongkwan shook his head, not believing the words he was reading.  
Then, with a shaking finger, he tapped on the display, opening the chat.

_I’m fine, really_, he typed, the blue icon next to the message indicating that Sehyoon had read it immediately.  
An idea struck Byeongkwan and he added: _Be safe, Sehyoon._

Because that was what he had wanted to tell him after he had dropped him off at home that night.  
Then he turned off his phone, just as Chan walked into the kitchen, widely smiling and waving a bag of crisps.

There were no new messages that night and soon Byeongkwan fell into a dreamless sleep, curled up underneath Chan’s spare blanket, listening to the deep breaths of his best friend. 

* * *

For the next week, the nightmares left Byeongkwan alone and he almost returned to his normal life. He looked a lot more healthy, getting more and more sleep every night, he even started dressing up for university again. His confident, shining self came through again and the thoughts of Sehyoon stayed discreetly in the background. He started going out more, Chan hitting his shoulder in a supportive matter, declaring that he was finally back to normal.  
Byeongkwan had approved and decided to go to the next party possible tonight.  
This was more like the life he was used to, surrounded by people he knew, music and dancing all around him. He loved to dance and really wasn’t bad at it, so he eventually became the center of attention sooner or later almost every evening.  
Tonight, he had bound two little pigtails into his silvery, fluffy hair while wearing a black t-shirt that was just short enough at the hem to reveal his belly button every time he jumped or raised his arms.

„You look great, hyung“, Chan had commented with a smirk, before breaking out into laughter as he turned to talk to some of his other friends. Byeongkwan had simply raised an eyebrow at him and walked away in search of people who would finally appreciate his looks. Usually, that didn’t take long.

„He needs this to boost his confidence once in a while“, Chan explained to the girl beside him who watched Byeongkwan disappear in the crowd with a critical look.  
„You’ll see“.

It took about an hour and a half, and then a circle had formed around the dancefloor, with Byeongkwan happily dancing in the centre. A few people joined or challenged him, some of them also being very good, and Byeongkwan was having the time of his life.  
Chan caught him at the bar as he was taking a break, an exhausted but beaming smile on his face.

„That was great“, he declared, apparently getting a little tipsy from his drink. Chan nodded, snatching the beverage from his hand and taking a sip himself.

„I’m going home“, he told Byeongkwan.  
„Don’t stay too long, hyung, or you’ll miss the seminar tomorrow“.

It took a while, but suddenly realization dawned on Byeongkwan and he widened his eyes, lips forming a silent „o“.

„Fuck, that one is mandatory, right?“, he asked, putting down his drink. 

„Yep“, Chan nodded, leaving for the exit.  
Ten seconds later, his friend had emptied his drink (because wasting it would have been a shame, and a waste of money), payed and caught up to him just as they stepped out into the night.

The air outside was so clear and fresh compared to the inside of the club, and the sudden silence left their ears tingling for the better part of their walk home. They walked quietly, yawning a few times as the adrenaline in their systems vanished minute by minute.  
Nodding at each other as a mutual wish for a good night’s sleep, their ways parted at a crossing and Byeongkwan soon found himself in front of his apartment door.  
He fumbled a little with the key, that last drink combined with his tiredness rendering his movements a little clumsy. Nevertheless, after a few attempts the door swung open, he kicked off his shoes and dropped himself on his mattress. The ceiling above him swirled for a moment, and he closed his eyes, steadying his breathing. Without bothering to turn on the lights, he blindly reached for the water bottle next to his bed, spilling half of its contents over his shirt as he tried to drink as much as possible before falling asleep. Otherwise, there was no point in even showing up at the seminar tomorrow.  
Damn those mandatory classes.  
He sighed, rolling over to his side, eyelids heavy and his breathing already deep. _Don’t fall asleep like this, pabo_, he told himself but couldn’t find the energy to stand up to wash his face, let alone undress or setting his alarm for tomorrow. Like this, he slowly drifted off to sleep, legs still hanging over the edge of his bed, upper body spread out above his blankets. 

Until a sound from the outside slowly dragged his consciousness back to reality.  
It sounded like a muffled bump, as if there was someone knocking at the front door of the building. Byeongkwan’s room was only on the first floor and thanks to the building being quite old, he often heard what happened in the hallway below.  
Whoever was standing at the door knocked again, louder this time. Byeongkwan sighed, rolling out of bed. Probably one of the other renters had locked himself out.  
Wouldn’t be the first time, he thought and decided to use the fact that he was already up to properly get ready for bed afterwards.  
Mind still clouded, he grabbed his own key and scuffled to the door, not even putting on shoes. He squinted as he entered the hallway that was brightly illuminated, half-blindly making his way down to the hallway.  
He opened the front door, expecting to see one of the usual suspects, ready to complain, but he stopped dead in his tracks as he looked at the man standing in front of him. Or rather, leaning, since the other was clutching the doorframe for support, clearly drunk.

„What the…“, he mumbled, staring at his nightly visitor with wide eyes. The man lifted his head, white hair messy and strands pointing in every direction, face pale white. Was he crying? Byeongkwan’s mind seemed to overflow, failing to analyze the situation.  
Sehyoon looked up at him, his gaze foggy and eyes full of tears.

„B- Byeongkwan?“, he stuttered, his voice hoarse and very weak.  
Every person in his right mind would have closed the door. Every other person would have probably been disgusted, telling Sehyoon to get lost.  
Maybe even threatening to call the police if he stayed around.  
But luckily, Byeongkwan wasn’t in his right mind.

Instead, he was suddenly overwhelmed with a wave of compassion, his heart clenching upon seeing the other in this miserable state. Carefully, he reached out his hand, laying it on Sehyoon’s upper arm. Then he looked at him as clearly as possible, trying to fixate his gaze.

„What are you doing here?“, he asked calmly, ignoring his shaking knees.

„Got nowhere to go“, Sehyoon mumbled quietly, eyes trailing down to the ground. Was he ashamed?  
„But no one cares, anyway“, he added, taking a step back and almost tumbling to the ground.

Byeongkwan quickly grabbed him, holding him upright. His head was clear again, all traces of tiredness suddenly gone.

„Come with me before anything worse happens to you“, he told the other man, pulling him inside and guiding him up the stairs to his apartment’s door. Sehyoon was quiet, apparently focused on not falling over his own feet.

Still holding the other’s waist with one arm, Byeongkwan turned on the lights in his room and (for a lack of a better option) let Sehyoon sit down on his bed.

„Stay there“, he commanded, rushing off to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice was screaming at him if he had gone insane, letting someone he barely knew into his apartment at night, but he ignored it. If this was what he could do to make up for the other saving his life, then so be it.  
As he returned, Sehyoon sat completely still, staring down at his boots. He was dressed entirely in black, his bright hair forming an unreal contrast, his whole form looking as if someone had photoshopped him into the scene.  
He didn’t belong into this very normal, messy room with mismatched furniture and stuff laying around in every corner, he looked as strange as Byeongkwan had probably looked showing up at the street race that night.  
Byeongkwan handed him the bottle, pulling up his desk chair and sitting down on it in front of Sehyoon. He didn’t say anything, just waited for the other to get a hold of himself. The white haired man slowly drank, his breathing slowing down with every sip from the bottle, a little colour returning to his face. Byeongkwan watched him carefully as if he was trying to look through his facade and into the soul that hid behind it and that was clearly hurt.  
Sehyoon lifted his head, putting the water bottle down. His whole figure had sunken down into a heap underneath his hoodie and he looked at Byeongkwan through puffy, reddened eyes.

„Thank you“, he whispered, the lump in his throat stealing his voice but Byeongkwan heard the heartfelt gratitude nontheless.

„Looks like I get to make up for you saving me“, Byeongkwan said quietly, smiling warmly at the other. And for a second, a smile flitted over the other’s face, like a ghost.

„I’m so sorry“, he mumbled, more to himself, but Byeongkwan heard every single word.  
„I fucked up and got lost and drunk“, he hiccuped slightly as if to undermine the last statement, „And then I all I remembered was that night when I drove you home and there was your door“.

He bit on his lip, eyes cast down. Again, a tear was running over his cheek and he shivered, but did his best to suppress it.

„And so you hoped I would open the door?“, Byeongkwan asked, trying to finish the story so he could make any sense of it.  
Why on earth would someone like Sehyoon consider him, a boy he barely knew and so different from him, his last resort when he got drunk and lost?  
But Sehyoon just nodded hastily, reaching for the water again and taking another sip.

„Why me?“, Byeongkwan asked quietly, holding back the sudden urge to pat the other’s head and thread his fingers through his hair. Instead, he shuffled closer with his chair, leaning down to Sehyoon who was, again, staring at the ground.

„You… you seemed like you cared“, the white haired man mumbled, looking up to meet Byeongkwan’s eyes. „You seemed so different from all the people I know. And you told me to take care of myself“.

The text message. Of course Byeongkwan remembered. His heart started pounding faster, these last words stirring something inside of him. It hurt to know that those small words of comfort had left such an impact on the other.

„But you didn’t“, Byeongkwan stated, pointing out the obvious. The other just shook his head, his fingers rubbing his wrists in a nervous matter. He mumbled something under his breath, but Byeongkwan couldn’t understand it.  
„Hm?“, he asked, sliding off the chair and sitting down next to the mess of a person he had let into his apartment. Sehyoon didn’t even seem to notice, he just started kneading his hands more and more, his whole body tense as if he was suppressing something with all his might.

„I“, Sehyoon grumbled, louder this time, „lost“.

He shivered upon speaking that last word. Byeongkwan looked at him in confusion, but the other just kept staring at his hands. „I lost again“, he repeated, swallowing heavily, trying to get his breathing back under control.

„I“, he said even louder now, voice shaking, „lost again!“  
He clenched his fists as if he wanted to punch something, looking frightening in that state.

Byeongkwan feared that he might lose control, so he did the only thing that his subconscious considered reasonable: He wrapped his arms around Sehyoon’s shaking body, holding him until he snapped out of it.

Sehyoon turned his head, staring at Byeongkwan in pure astonishment who was holding him with a fierce look in his eyes. Byeongkwan just kept the eye contact as if he was trying to hold the other in place with just his gaze when he felt the other’s body weaken under his touch, the taller man once more collapsing into a sobbing heap.  
But Byeongkwan didn’t let go, holding his arm a little awkwardly around the other’s waist, moving his hand just slightly enough to let the other know he was still there.

That he cared for him.

And while he thought that, silently comforting the crying Sehyoon, he felt it was true. He was so different from all the people he knew and the circumstances of their paths crossing couldn’t possibly have been more twisted.  
But somehow, Byeongkwan did care for Sehyoon.

And for the moment, that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading up until here <3  
I would love to hear some thoughts and opinions.  
As I said, the whole story is already finished, I just need some time posting it because I'm trying to proofread everything before I post.  
Stay safe, everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, next chapter!  
We'll be starting to learn a bit about Sehyoon in this one.  
As always, I'm sorry for any mistakes.  
I hope you enjoy reading it <3

How exactly Sehyoon had ended up staying the night, sleeping in what was probably the largest T-Shirt Byeongkwan owned, they couldn’t recall when Byeongkwan got up for university the next morning.  
Stretching his aching back, he rolled off the sofa that was way too small to be slept on and went to fetch something to wear, careful as not to wake the other. For a moment, Byeongkwan stopped next to his bed, watching Sehyoon sleep.  
He looked so peaceful, his soft face all relaxed, deep breaths passing through his slightly opened lips as he was sprawled out underneath the covers. Byeongkwan couldn’t help but smile a little, fumbling a neon colored post-it note out of his bag and scribbling a message on it.  
Then he placed it atop the heap of Sehyoon’s clothes before leaving the house.  
The seminar was his only mandatory class today, so he would be home in about two hours. And honestly, he hoped for Sehyoon to take his written invitation and stay for a little longer. 

Time seemed to come to a halt while Byeongkwan sat in the overly crowded classroom, tired eyes everywhere, the only sound being the scribbling of pens on paper and the occasional monotonous voice of their tutor.  
Even Chan seemed tired and desisted from any kind of commentary, which was good because it saved Byeongkwan from making up an explanation and which was bad, because talking to Chan was sometimes the only way to make the time pass faster.  
And so Byeongkwan was doodling on his piece of paper, copying the text from the blackboard without reading nor understanding it, desperately waiting for the hands of the dusty clock on the wall to start moving.  
Just when he thought that time had not only stopped but had started running backwards, the tutor declared this week’s session to be over and within a matter of seconds, Byeongkwan had packed and grabbed his backpack, said goodbye to Chan and was on his way home.  
He was more excited than he probably should have been, his heartbeat pulsing audibly through his ears as he paced around the corner, walking up to his apartment building.

„He’s probably gone“, he murmured to himself, wanting to mentally prepare him for a disappointment.  
Because he really wanted to see the other, talking over what the hell had happened last night.  
And maybe because he wanted to see that face of him again, that soft, calm, beautiful face when he was asleep this morning and… Byeongkwan almost slapped himself, shaking his head wildly.  
Those thoughts were a dark and dangerous path to go down. 

When Byeongkwan opened the door, he already knew he was gone.  
The realization struck him with unexpected sadness as he walked into his room, seeing his bed empty and the pile of clothes gone. He sighed, one hand stroking the bangs out of his face.  
Suddenly, he felt very tired.  
Throwing his backpack carelessly into the corner, he made his way over to the bed and flopped face down onto it. Closing his eyes, he just breathed, the trace of an unfamiliar scent hitting his nose.  
He squinted, then buried his nose into the pillow, recalling the image of Sehyoon sleeping so peacefully right here on his bed.  
It seemed ridiculous, now that he thought about it and he rolled over to his back, still clutching the pillow to his chest.  
It was only then that he realized that his bed was made, a little clumsily to be fair, but apparently Sehyoon had made an attempt to leave a good impression. A smile crept upon Byeongkwan’s face, hugging the pillow even more tightly while still breathing faint traces of the other’s scent.  
He knew he would see the other again.

* * *

Byeongkwan stood in his tiny kitchen, pouring boiling hot water over his ramyun. He couldn’t motivate himself earlier to go for groceries so the instant noodles had to make do for dinner, but he didn’t really mind.  
That way, he had more time left to actually keep on studying like he had done during the week of nightmares and maybe pull off some actually good grades at the end of the year. Just as he was about to make his way back to his desk, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out of the back pocket of his sweatpants, looking at the display to see who was bothering him.  
Luckily, he had put the bowl of noodles down on the counter before, because otherwise he would have probably dropped it as his heart made a sudden jump.  
It was Sehyoon.

_sorry, had to go_, the first message read, quickly followed by another:

_i’m so sorry for last night, i was too embarrassed to stay_

Byeongkwan blinked a few times.  
Sehyoon, embarrassed?  
The first impression he had of the racer was crumbling more and more.  
Actually, Byeongkwan found it difficult by now to imagine that this was the very same man who had triumphantly won the race that night. But he was snapped out of his thoughts as another message popped up on his screen.

_i want to make it up to you. if you want. i owe you so much_

Now Byeongkwan was shaking his head in disbelief.  
Quickly, he opened the chat and started to type:

_You saved my life, it was the least i could do_

And then, after thinking for a moment, he added:

_And i wasn’t lying when i said i care about you_

Just as he had sent the message, he hated himself for it.  
It sounded so pathetic, a weak confession of his mess of feelings. Sehyoon would probably be repelled and conversation would be over.  
But the other was already typing, a new text appearing on Byeongkwan’s phone.

_You home? _

Byeongkwan confirmed that he was.

_Important stuff to do?_

Now Byeongkwan grinned, quickly typing an answer:

_Depends on the alternatives_

* * *

When Byeongkwan heard the sound of a car engine outside, he almost jumped off his chair and pressed his nose against his window to see what was happening on the road below.  
And just as he had suspected, the pitch black car (it was actually quite difficult to spot it in the dark if the headlights hadn’t been turned on) was parked on the other side of the road.  
After a last quick look in the mirror - Byeongkwan was just wearing jeans and a sweater, but still, one last check to his hair couldn’t hurt - he grabbed his bag and keys and closed the door behind him. The very moment he heard the muffled buzzing of the doorbell, he was already opening the front door but this time to a very sober looking Sehyoon. The other smiled a little shyly, hands hidden in the front pouch of his hoodie.  
Byeongkwan smiled, too, though he also avoided direct eye contact as he felt his cheeks blush a little.

„You up for something to eat?“, Sehyoon finally asked, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. The other nodded eagerly, the ramyun from earlier just barely filling his stomach.

„Great“, Sehyoon nodded with a wide smile and walked over the street where his car was parked.

„But nothing too shady please“, Byeongkwan half-joked as he followed the taller man.

„Don’t worry“, was all he replied, opening the door for Byeongkwan. 

„I hope I’m not keeping you off important work“, Sehyoon said as they were driving through the city.  
Byeongkwan shook his head, leaning back into the seat. He saw the other smile as they turned around a corner, now driving on a broad and lively road through the center of the city.  
The light of the neon signs and street lamps mixed with the last sunlight of the day, creating a warm glow everywhere around them as masses of people walked by, probably on their way home to their families and friends. Somehow, this moment just felt right, and Byeongkwan enjoyed the ride as he looked outside the window.  
Again, for some odd reason, he just felt safe around Sehyoon, despite the little voice in his head telling him the exact opposite.  
But maybe today the little voice would find enough reason to finally shut up. 

„Is this a place you would consider not too shady?“, Sehyoon asked with a smile as they entered one of the biggest shopping malls the city had to offer.

„This place feels so dark and empty that I fear for my dear life“, Byeongkwan replied with a snort, causing Sehyoon to laugh out loud.  
It was the most beautiful sound he had heard all year, maybe all his life.

„Good thing I’m with you then“, the taller male said, eyes still in the shape of small crescent moons as he looked at Byeongkwan.

„Yes, good thing“, Byeongkwan agreed as they stepped into the elevator to take them to the top floor where the food mile was. 

The west front of the mall was completely made out of glass, so they had quite the view over the city as they sat down at one of the tables close to the windows.

„I’ve never been here around this time of day“, Byeongkwan admitted, astounded by the breathtaking view spreading out below them.  
Sehyoon just smiled, apparently happy with himself that he made a good decision bringing them here. And while the other was still staring at the network of lights unfolding in front of his eyes, he ordered some food for them.  
Byeongkwan turned back to Sehyoon, his arms loosely crossed on the table.

„I honestly didn’t expect this when you picked me up“, he smiled, sensing the nervousness of the other.  
Sehyoon just nodded, stroking an errand strand of hair back behind his ear. He definetely was nervous.

„I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable so I kinda needed a place that was nice and would make you feel safe“, he said, biting down on his lower lip.

_ As long as you are there I would feel safe anywhere_, Byeongkwan’s subconscious blurted out, but he managed to keep his thoughts inside his head.  
This was neither the right time nor the right place for this.  
So he just nodded in agreement, looking around as if to confirm that this was indeed a very nice place to eat. 

They ate mostly in silence, both of them inhaling their food as if they’ve been starved for days.  
Only when a sense of fullness caused them to slow down, Sehyoon gestured with his chopsticks at Byeongkwan.

„So“, he said, mouth still half full, „What exactly were you doing at the race that night? You really don’t seem to fit into the scene“.

Byeongkwan nodded, hastily swallowing down the remaining food in his mouth to answer.

„My best friend dragged me along. I would have never come myself but he didn’t tell me where we were going. Once I had figured it out it was too late to stop him“.  
Sehyoon smiled at him, though Byeongkwan sensed a faint hint of hurt in his eyes.  
Then the taller man turned back to his plate, stuffing his mouth once more and chewing a few times before looking up again.

„It must make you very uncomfortable to be with someone like me, then“, he mumbled.

„What do you mean?“, Byeongkwan asked, looking at him in confusion.  
Sehyoon raised an eyebrow.

„Well, I am kinda part of a scene that you seem to have no interest in and besides you don’t seem like someone who would be fond of having acquaintances with criminals“. Byeongkwan swallowed, now clearly seeing the pain in the other’s eyes.

„That’s right“, he said slowly, searching for the right words, holding eye contact with the white haired man.  
„You’re probably part of a lot of things that I would have never wanted to associate myself with“.

Sehyoon cast his eyes down, sinking into his hoodie.

„But I believe that you’re different. You’re not a cold-blooded gangster or a reckless daredevil. You saved my life even though you didn’t even know me, you even gave me your number, you showed up in the dead of night at my house with a soul broken in pieces. You’re right when you say that I don’t want to have anything to do with all this illegal race stuff. But I’d like to have something to do with you, Sehyoon“.  
He smiled softly at the other, who looked as if he wanted to hide from the whole world.  
Slowly, very slowly, Sehyoon lifted his head, meeting Byeongkwan’s gaze.

„You really mean it, huh?“, he said weakly, voice a little shaky.  
Then, the left corner of his mouth started to curl up a little.  
„I guess I was really lucky to run into you in that alley“.

Byeongkwan just nodded in agreement.  
For a while, they sat in silence, before Byeongkwan started to talk again, going straight to the topic that had been bothering him all day.

„So what exactly did happen to you last night?“

The other froze in his movement, but after deciding there was no use in avoiding this question he sighed and frowned, recalling his apparently fractured memories.

„There was a race that night“, he began, stroking his hair back with one hand.  
„I had been waiting for it so long. It was such a chance for me and I fucked up“.  
His face darkened considerably as he stared at the other.

„You need to know one thing about me and that is that I won’t leave this world without beating him. I swore that to myself one day, deciding that I would defeat him and put him to his place. I waited so long for an opportunity, I had so much confidence, I was so eager to defeat him this time when he showed up that night. But…“ His voice faded, his fists clenched under the table as he took a deep breath.

„But you lost“, Byeongkwan finished his sentence quietly.

„I made that part quite clear, didn’t I?“, Sehyoon said bitterly. „Anyway I had to drown my sorrow somehow and got drunk“, he continued, voice heavy with regret.  
„And somehow my remaining three brain cells thought it would be a good idea to go bother you. Hell, I don’t really even know you but ever since I saw you in that dark alley, so… so _fragile_“ -

He stopped, shaking his head.  
Byeongkwan just stared at him, the way he said those last words still ringing in his ears.

„What is his name?“, he then asked, trying to untangle Sehyoon from his thoughts.

„He goes by the name of Raven, I don’t know his real name. I don’t want to know it. It would make him more human than he deserves to be“.  
A shiver ran down Byeongkwan’s spine and decided not to dig any further into the topic. There were things buried down that road he did not want to stir up.  
So he tried to light the mood again, a task he usually completed with ease. 

„Do you also have a _name you go by_?“  
Sehyoon squinted, though the creases on his forehead started to vainsh slowly.

„Yeah“, he said a little dumbly. „It’s Wow“.

Byeongkwan snorted and held his hand in front of his face, trying to protect his drink from coming out of his nose as he was shook with laughter.

„Yah, what is so funny about that?“, Sehyoon asked, though he couldn’t help himself but grin at Byeongkwan’s reaction. The face of the smaller boy turned beet red as he tried to catch his breath again, fanning air towards his face with his hands.

„You know“, he gasped, trying to get a hold of himself, „that was exactly the name I gave you before I got to know your real one“.

Sehyoon just blinked at him, processing the information he had just recieved.  
„Are you kidding me?“, he asked, leaning over the table and closer to Byeongkwan.  
The other just shook his head, struggling to speak as he was still laughing behind his hand.

„It was honestly the first thing that came to my mind when I saw you“, he then admitted between heavy breaths. Sehyoon bemusedly raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t answer. He was just silently chuckling to himself as he watched Byeongkwan in his attempt to calm down. 

After that, they talked more and more until it was completely dark outside and one of the waitresses told them that they would be closing the restaurant in 15 minutes.  
They payed for their food (after Byeongkwan insisted on them sharing the bill and not letting Sehyoon pay for it all) and leisurely walked down through the now almost empty mall and down onto the street.  
The air was chilly but not uncomfortably so, a fresh breeze of air making the leaves of the nearby trees rustle. A warm feeling had settled in Byeongkwan’s chest, as if he had swallowed all the sunlight of the day and kept it safe in his heart to warm him now that the sky was dark. He hummed a little melody to himself as he walked alongside Sehyoon, not with a particular destination in mind.

„I better get you home, then“, Sehyoon said after a while as they had reached the street where his car was parked. The smaller one just nodded, still cherishing the warm lump of happiness that was curled up inside of him, as if he was afraid that it might escape should he open his mouth.  
And so he just silently climbed onto the passenger’s seat, leaning into the soft material and breathing in the smell that was just mostly stale air but with a little bit of Sehyoon in it.  
The latter gave him one of his soft smiles as he saw how comfortable Byeongkwan seemed to be, before closing his door and starting the engine. 

Way too soon (Sehyoon wasn’t good at racing for no reason) they reached Byeongkwan’s apartment building and it all seemed oddly similar to the night when Sehyoon had saved him from the two harrassers. Only this time, everything felt different.

„Thank you“, Byeongkwan smiled as he got out the door, leaning down to look at Sehyoon’s face.

„I thought it was really nice“, the white haired man said, leaning back in his seat. The younger just nodded in agreement, not knowing how to say goodbye.  
„Then, take care of yourself. Byeongkwan“.

The lump in Byeongkwan’s chest made a small leap at the sound of his own name and he blushed, but luckily Sehyoon wouldn’t see it in the dim light.  
„You too“, he replied, and started to grin.  
„Wow“.

Sehyoon burst out with laughter and Byeongkwan chimed in. 

* * *

This night, the nightmares returned.  
Byeongkwan had gone to bed, still with that fluttery feeling somewhere inside of him, a dumb grin painted across his face until he had turned off the lights.  
Then, the dark thoughts had slowly crept out of the hidden corners of his mind, slowly replacing the warmth with a heavy lump that rested like a rock on his chest.  
That night in the alley flashed before his inner eye, the creepy voices of the two men ringing in his ears. The little, nasty voice in the back of his head also returned, whispering doubts into his mind.  
_Sehyoon is just pretending to be nice to you_, the voice said coldly.  
_He is just a criminal after all. Have you forgotten that over your little conversation? He’s no good for you. You will regret this._

„Stop it“, Byeongkwan hissed, burying his face in his pillow.  
„He does have a good heart, I know it!“, he murmured as if he hoped to make his doubts shut up.  
But his mind had already started a fight again and soon, sleep took over Byeongkwan who was tired of arguing with himself. 

It was 3:41 when he awoke again, drenched in sweat and shaking all over.  
It was the same nightmare again, the nightmare of him being found and touched and tortured by those two faceless men from that night.  
With shaking hands, Byeongkwan reached for the light switch, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating as his fingers dug into his bedsheets. He reached for the water bottle on his nightstand, drenching his shirt in the attempt of drinking some water as it spilled over the sides.  
Still clutching his blanket, he grabbed his phone with the intention of distracting himself as soon as possible to eliminate the bone-crushing anxiety that filled him to the brim.  
His chats were still open as he unlocked the screen and he stared at Sehyoon’s number, just like he did so many nights before.  
Only this time, he didn’t hesitate. 

„Hmpf?“, a sleepy voice came from the other side of the line after a few beeps.  
Byeongkwan released a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding, the sheer fact of him hearing Sehyoons warm voice taking away a bit from the cold.

„Did I wake you?“, Byeongkwan asked with a shaky voice, pulling his blanket closer around his still shivering body.  
Another unintelligible sound was his answer.

„I just“-  
Byeongkwan sighed, shaking his head, realizing slowly how ridiculous this was. „I’m sorry for waking you“.

„I picked up, didn’t I?“, Sehyoon just replied, voice raspy with sleep.  
„So, what’s up?“

„I keep having these nightmares“, Byeongkwan mumbled, rubbing his eyes while sitting up in his bed.  
„You know, from that night. I - I always dream about them finding me and“- He stopped, taking a deep breath.  
The other just hummed, as if he was encouraging him to go on.  
„They hurt me. And I can’t do anything against it, they’re just too strong and I can’t escape their grasp“.  
Byeongkwan shivered, but somehow it felt good to talk about it. The heavy lump on his chest started to vanish, the warmth slowly flowing back into his veins.

„It’s just dreams, Kwan“, Sehyoon mumbled on the other side of the line.  
Byeongkwan blamed the nickname on the late hour.  
„They would never find you. And even if they did, I would make sure they wouldn’t hurt you“.

He said it so matter-of-factly, so naturally.  
As if it had always been that way.  
Sehyoon chuckled softly, suppressing a yawn. „It also has its perks to be with people like me“.

„Yah, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with!“, Byeongkwan protested, immediately holding his hand in front of his mouth.  
Why did he always talk first and think later? He could sense Sehyoon’s confusion from the silence coming from his phone.

„What?“, the other then asked, realization probably dawning on him.  
„What do you mean if it wasn’t for me? You didn’t even know me then“.

Byeongkwan remained silent, cursing himself. Now Sehyoon would probably be creeped out.

„Don’t tell me you were looking for me“, the other laughed and Byeongkwan wanted to just hang up and hide. But Sehyoon was already talking again.  
„You saw me at the race and just thought you could walk through the city at night until what? Until you randomly would walk into me?“

Silence.

„Why would you do that? It was pure luck I was right there, who knows what could have happened! Someone like you, all alone in a dark alleyway… You even said you were lost, what exactly were you thinking?“  
Sehyoon sounded almost angry.

„It was really stupid, alright?“, Byeongkwan admitted, hiding underneath his blanket even though Sehyoon couldn’t see that.  
„And what do you mean, someone like me?“

„Man, have you ever seen yourself? You’re gorgeous“, Sehyoon blurted out, followed by a sound that was probably him hitting himself. He coughed and an awkward silence ensued.

Byeongkwan felt starstruck, his mind a big blank space. His face felt like a fire was raging underneath his skin.

„Ah, sorry, I’m tired“, Sehyoon then laughed half-heartedly.

„Me too“, Byeongkwan said, sighing.

„But if those nightmares return…“

„Yes?“

„Maybe I can’t tell your imagination to leave you alone but you’re welcome to call me again“.

„So both of us won’t be getting any sleep?“

„Yeah… But that’s probably better than your sanity going down the drain“.  
Byeongkwan smiled.

„Good night, Kwan“, Sehyoon yawned.

„Good night, Yoonie“, Byeongkwan retorted, earning him another soft laugh from the other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back! 
> 
> This chapter starts with a switch in perspective (I think it's obvious but I thought I should mention it anyways). Also, Dongun and Jun finally make their appearance!
> 
> I just noticed that my "(...)" look kind of weird in the text, I hope it's not too irritating since I haven't figured out how to change that. 
> 
> Anyways, I apologize for any mistakes and hope you enjoy! <3

„Morning, sleepyhead. Or should I say noon?“

A sarcastic voice greeted Sehyoon as he heaved his body down the stairs, mind still clouded with sleep.  
He just grumbled, stumbling over to the coffee machine. Hearing steps behind him, he soon sensed the presence of someone standing behind him, his piercing look going right through his back. With a sigh, Sehyoon turned the coffee machine on, turning around to face the other.  
Donghun had a worried look on his face (he somehow always had, but it was mostly just his ever-sad looking eyes and if you got to know him you quickly learned to read his facial expressions), leaning against the wall next to Sehyoon.  
He was already wearing his washed out blue overall, his brown hair sticking messily around in all different directions, and there was a smear of what was probably motor oil on his cheek.

„I could’ve used a helping hand in the garage this morning“, he said, putting his hands into his pockets.

„I thought you have Jun for that“, Sehyoon retorted, fumbling for a cup in the drawer below the coffee machine.

„And you, Sehyoon“, Donghun sighed. „Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean you can show up for work whenever you like“.

„I was busy“, the taller man replied.  
„Not what you think“, he added after seeing his friend’s concerned look.

„You know I am worried for you? Especially after you didn’t return the night after your race against“-

But he stopped talking as he saw Sehyoon’s face.  
He looked so tired, so hurt.  
Donghun sighed and grabbed the next chair, gesturing for Sehyoon to sit down as he did the same opposite of him.

„Tell me what’s bothering you, Sehyoonie“, he smiled, taking the other’s hand. He knew the other was soft for nicknames, even though he seldomly admitted that he did.  
Sehyoon yawned, rubbing his slightly swollen eyes with the back of his hand before blinking at Donghun.

„I told you about the incident about two weeks ago?“

„The one with that boy you took home?“ Dongun raised an eyebrow and Sehyoon just nodded.

„I want to protect him, you know? I will never forget the image of him being almost crushed by those two“. He shivered, recalling the memory.  
„I gave him my number. Just in case he got lost again“.

„Sure you did“, Donghun smirked.

„Well, it happens that Raven showed up two days ago. He remembered me and challenged me. How could I have refused. But I lost miserably and felt so… insignificant. Pathetic. Maybe worthless, you name it. So I got drunk and somehow I ended up at his place. He comforted me and even let me sleep there and I think he really did care about me. But I chickened out and left before he returned that next morning and felt terrible for it so I asked him out for dinner…“

The other man snorted, laughing at Sehyoon’s choice of words.

„No, not like that“, he hastily clarified, though not without having his cheeks turn a slight shade of pink.

„So I guess it was him as well who called you in the middle of the night?“, Donghun asked, now grinning at the other.  
Sehyoon just nodded, blushing further.  
The other sighed, though not with a smile playing around his lips.

„What was his name again?“

„Byeongkwan“, Sehyoon smiled.

Donghun nodded, standing up.

„You should bring him here and introduce us. Seems like you finally found someone worth your ass“.

„Thanks, hyung“, Sehyoon yawned, reaching for the coffee pot.  
The older man winked at him, before leaving for the door.

„And maybe you actually want to work like a lawful person“. He laughed and walked down the stairs back to the garage. 

For the rest of the day, Sehyoon actually helped Donghun in the garage, repairing a bicycle, changing a broken taillight, replacing tires.  
Jun, who was currently Donghun‘s apprentice, also showed up for work and assisted them.  
Which meant eventually Sehyoon was quietly doing his work while Donghun was teasing Jun over every little mistake he made. Occasionally, Donghun would ask him to come over and look at something- being in the racing scene was sometimes helpful when assisting a mechanic.  
That way, Sehyoon could easily spot some illegal modifications or suggest some unconventional ways of repair.  
Maybe that was the reason why Donghun let Sehyoon stay without ever reporting him. Sure, they had known each other for a long time and Donghun had taken care of Sehyoon when no one else had - but he still diasapproved of what Sehyoon did.  
Mostly.  
And after all, Donghun was just so very kind, even though he loved teasing and mocking people.  
The latter was especially true for Junhee, his apprentice for two years now.

„Shall I take a look at your car as well?“, Donghun offered as they closed for the day. Sehyoon looked up at him, wiping a smear of oil from his forehead. He frowned, shaking his head.

„No, it’s fine“, he murmured to himself. Donghun and Jun sighed in unison for they knew that tone too well. The older man walked over to him, squatting down to face him.

„I know that tone, Sehyoon“, he said sternly. „You’re frustrated. And that’s probably because of your loss to this Raven guy“.  
The white haired man nodded slightly, before leaning his head down into his hand, closing his eyes.  
„I would normally support you in any tendancy to give up this thing you have going on there and get a real life“-  
Sehyoon just countered that with a snort-  
„But I also know you well enough to presume that you’ll never be really happy without having settled that thing with him. So get your ass up, if you’re doing this you better do it right, Wow“.  
Sehyoon’s lips turned up into a little smile as Donghun used this name.

„Yah, I am pretty good at what I am doing! How else would I have gotten that name?“

„But you’re apparently not good enough“, Donghun shrugged, turning to leave. Then, before he left through the door to his room, he turned around to look at his friend.  
„And if you’re scared, take that Byeongkwan with you. He seems to have a good influence on you“.

Sehyoon didn’t even reply and quietly left for the shower.  
Maybe he should let Donghun have a look at his car tomorrow. 

* * *

Sehyoon was frustrated. He didn’t openly show it (at least that was what he thought) but everyone who knew him just a bit would notice.  
So did Jun, who was just packing his things after work to go home.  
He looked into the side garage where Sehyoon kept his car, originally intending to say goodbye, but he stopped as he saw the older man.  
He was sitting on the ground, leaning back against one of the tires, fists clenched and brows furrowed.  
Junhee sighed, walking over to him.

„Sehyoon hyung?“, he asked carefully, squatting down beside him. The other turned his head, looking at him through dark eyes. Junhee smiled a little nervously and, as the other didn’t protest, sat down next to him.  
Sehyoon remained quiet, just breathing in and out as if to calm himself.  
„Look“, Jun began, wanting to break the silence, „Donghun told me a little about what is going on and“-

„Of course he did“, Sehyoon muttered, but gestured Jun with a nod of his head to go on talking.

„And I know you‘re frustrated because you lost recently and apparently this bothers you a lot. But sitting here and staring at the wall won’t solve anything“.

„It’s not just the race“, Sehyoon said drily.  
Then he cast his eyes down.  
„It’s about what Donghun hyung said. That I should take that boy with me“.

„Byeongkwan? Wasn’t that his name?“

„Yes. And I really would like to have him there as like, you know, a motivation. Knowing that someone‘s there who is waiting at the finish line, not just a faceless crowd. But then again I am so afraid that something might happen to him while I’m not there“.

„Shouldn’t the fact that you have to fear for someone getting hurt tell you to quit this whole thing?“ Junhee raised an accusing eyebrow.  
Sehyoon ignored it, this was a discussion for another day.

„It’s all a mess“, he then mumbled to himself.  
„I want to see him more but I also don’t because he deserves better than... than a _criminal_ like me“.  
He spat out the last words like a disgusting taste on his tongue.

„But you’re the kindest criminal I know and you really do have a good heart, hyung“.  
Junhee was smiling now.

„If some people would hear you talk my reputation would be gone in less than a second“, Sehyoon snorted.  
He stood up, brushing some dirt off his shirt.  
„Alright, I’ll ask him“, he said, looking back at Junhee who was smirking. 

* * *

Sehyoon was standing in front of Byeongkwan’s apartment. He had ringed the bell for the third time now, but to no avail. He also didn’t answer his phone, which was suspicious. A weird feeling took hold of him and he pressed all the doorbells at once, hoping someone would buzz open the door.  
Fortunately, the door swung open once he leaned against it, stumbling into the hallway.  
Something was off, he just sensed it.  
Something was wrong here.  
Speeding up his pace, he walked up the stairs, only to find Byeongkwan’s apartment door standing slightly open. He cursed under his breath, fear taking hold of his entire body and closing around his throat like an icy claw.  
Shouting the younger’s name, he rushed through the room, only to find chaos around him: Drawers were opened, their insides scattered across the floor. The bedsheets were torn, water spilled all over the mess and sheets of paper flew around everywhere.

„Byeongkwan!“, he screamed, the sound of the name echoing through the empty room as if to mock him.  
Silence was his only answer, though the cold fist clenching around his gut told him everything he didn’t want to know.  
Panic filled him and his mind went blank, he rummaged blindly through the mess even though he knew he wouldn’t find anything. He cut his finger on one of the notes flying around everywhere and a drop of blood tinted the white paper dark red.  
Holding it in his shaking hands, he saw that it was a phone number, hastily scribbled with an old pencil.  
Looking around, he found that this was true for all the pieces of paper that kept getting more and more, slowly burying him. Just the bloodstained paper in his hands had an additional note, written in a messy handwriting with black ink.

_So many weaknesses... So many broken thorns... _

Shaking and covered in cold sweat, Sehyoon awoke, almost hitting his head on the low ceiling as he sat up promptly.  
His head hurt and he felt dizzy and there was an inexplicable tightness in his chest.

„Byeongkwan“, he murmured, without even thinking about it.  
He rubbed his hand just where the paper had cut him in his dream and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  
„I should have never let him get into my life“, he thought bitterly, knowing deep down that he already cared too much for the boy to just let him go and forget about everything. Still feeling that mixture of fear, guilt, panic and unbelievable grief in his heart that the dream had injected into his veins, he pulled his blanket closer around him, wrapping his arms around his shivering body.  
The image of him drowning in endless copies of his own scribbled number haunted him, though he knew what his subconscious tried to tell him. 

That he had already made the decision. 

* * *

It was in the middle of the night when Byeongkwan awoke to the buzzing sound of his phone.  
Without looking at the display, he held it to his ear, eyes closed shut and mind clouded with sleep.

„This better be important“, he grumbled, yawning into his pillow.  
He halfway expected Chan to be on the phone to either complain about the exam they had coming up causing him sleepless nights or to ramble about a girl he had met on campus yesterday and whom he was to shy to talk to.  
So he was taken quite by surprise to hear Sehyoon’s voice, calling his name.

„Byeongkwan?“

He rubbed his eyes, blinking into the darkness. Then he made an affirmative grumbling sound.

„You alright?“  
Sehyoon sounded genuinely concerned, almost scared. Byeongkwan furrowed his brows, wondering what could have happened to the other.

„I am, but you don’t seem to be“, he replied calmly, hearing the other’s shaky breath.  
There was silence for a moment, but Byeongkwan understood.  
He flicked the switch on his night lamp, sitting up.  
„Wanna talk about it or did you just call so I could hear you breathe?“, he yawned.

„I had a nightmare“, Sehyoon admitted with a small voice. The younger was taken by surprise, this was another thing he never thought he would hear the other day, especially not at this time over the phone.

„That’s my job“, was all he came up with, but quickly decided that he was being too inconsiderate.  
„Sorry, you listened to me so I will listen to you“.

„It’s okay, I just wanted to make sure you’re alright and I was just dreaming“, the other muttered.

„How come we only talk at this late hour?“, Byeongkwan groaned, though he wasn’t really complaining.

„It’s the best time to be alone with your thoughts. But that’s rarely a good thing, so we got company“, Sehyoon explained.  
Byeongkwan just nodded, he had never thought about it that way.

„So what were you thinking about?“, he then asked. The other just made a weird noise, as if he was struggling to get the right words out.

„I wanted to ask you to come to my next race but I know you probably won’t because you don’t want to have to do anything with that and I’m afraid something might happen again“-

„Yes“.

„What?“

„I’ll come“.

Byeongkwan’s heart was pounding like crazy. What had gotten into him?  
Sehyoon’s concerns were justified, but still the sheer imagination of accompanying Sehyoon - Wow - was thrilling. Because that man had a reputation and he was asking him to come.

„You sure?“  
Sehyoon still didn’t sound convinced.  
„You don’t have to and I can’t protect you when I’m out there and I thought you didn’t like it“.

Byeongkwan sighed.

„Listen“, he said, clearing his throat. „You apparently want me to come or else you wouldn’t have called at this ungodly hour. I can take care of myself and I count on your reputation to do the rest. I think it will be exciting“.

The following noise coming through the speaker was Sehyoon releasing a breath he probably had been holding for the last minutes.  
„I’ll pick you up then“.

„Alright“. Byeongkwan smiled.  
If Chan only knew. Sooner or later, he would tell his friend but for now, he was happy to have a secret all to himself.

„Byeongkwan?“ Sehyoon was still on the phone.

„Hm?“

„Sorry for waking you“.

„Don’t be“.

But Byeongkwan started yawning again and Sehyoon insisted on him going to sleep, so he hung up.  
They would meet again Saturday night and Byeongkwan would have never thought he’d voluntarily return to that place. 

Yet here he was, looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I always need to challenge myself to put the story's name at least once somewhere in the text...  
Also, this chapter is shorter than the others, so I might as well post the next one too. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this! It means so much to me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, there will be occasional switches between Byeongkwan's and Sehyoon's perspective, but I hope it's not too confusing!
> 
> As always, I'm sorry for any language mistakes.  
Enjoy <3

This night, everything was different from the first time Chan had dragged him along.  
In fact, that day almost seemed like a distant memory as Byeongkwan stood in front of his mirror, changing his outfit for the fifth time this evening.  
Sehyoon would be here in twenty minutes and Byeongkwan was determined to make an impression.  
At least that’s what he thought he should do when accompanying one of the most respected drivers in the scene.  
Finally, he decided on wearing his skinny ripped jeans and a cropped, black shirt with a leather jacket he had found in the back of his wardrobe. Lastly, he tied a second belt across his stomach, just in case his top would reveal too much skin and fluffed up his hair to be just a tiny bit messy.  
Nodding at his reflection, he decided he was ready, even though his heart was racing with anxiety.  
Wetting his pink lips with his tongue he swallowed, straightening his posture. He would not chicken out now.

The sound of the doorbell ringing left him no other choice.  
Laying as much confidence as he could into his step, he grabbed his keys, locked the door and went out to meet Sehyoon.  
Byeongkwan almost froze in his step as he saw the other leaning at the doorframe, expectantly grinning at him. He wore his black racing attire again that Byeongkwan had only seen once (and that was while he was very tired and in the middle of the night, so he didn’t remember it looking so damn good on the other) and even had a pair of what seemed to be goggles on his head, holding back his silvery white hair.

„Good evening to you too, Byeongkwan“, he smirked as he noticed the other staring.  
Byeongkwan shook his head and stiffened his shoulders, doing his best to look confident.  
They made eye contact and the younger noticed how Sehyoon’s tongue was looking out between his lips as if to lick them.  
He grinned as well.

„Let’s go then, Wow“.

* * *

As they arrived at the dirt field, there was a crowd welcoming them.  
A lot of people were cheering, some cursing, but the latter were definitely less, as they pulled up to the improvised parking lot.  
Byeongkwan‘s eyes were wide with excitement, he could feel the thrill of the danger surrounding him and it drove him crazy. Sehyoon on the other hand seemed all calm, lazily drumming his fingers to the beat of the muffled music vibrating through the car. He even had a confident smirk on his lips.  
He turned off the engine as he parked his vehicle between two others that both showed flashy neon colors.  
Looking at Byeongkwan, he already had one hand on the door handle.

„You ready?“, he asked, and Byeongkwan knew he took this question seriously.  
But he nodded, opening the passenger door.  
The music outside was deafening, the bass vibrating through their bones and the mass of people a faceless crowd.  
Byeongkwan didn’t even care to look at them, for he didn’t want to recognize anyone or be recognized himself.  
All that counted was Sehyoon who was walking close to him, occasionally directing him on his way by gently pushing his waist or back while he made them a way through the mess by apparently just staring.  
Stopping in front of a grim looking man who was easily twice the size of Byeongkwan, Sehyoon wordlessly placed a bundle of money on the table in front of him which the man grabbed, eyeing both of them with a piercing look.

„Who’s that kid?“, he grunted while never stopping to stare at Byeongkwan.

„He’s with me. None of your business“, Sehyoon replied coldly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

„Huh? So confident tonight, Wow. I thought that disaster taught you to be more modest about your skills“.

„Put me in the first race and you’ll see“, Sehyoon snapped, turning away on the spot.  
But to Byeongkwan‘s surprise he didn’t walk back to the crowd but rather to the roadside, leaning against the rail.

„Let them all get distracted over there“, he said, nodding with his head over to the crowd where apparently a few drivers were fulfilling their dream for attention, judging by the crowd of sparsely clothed women flocking around them.

„That’s why they’ll never win. Some of them are really good, but lack concentration. Others are just lucky and here for the fame and the girls. Or boys, it depends“.  
He clicked his tongue, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. Another racer who had been standing closer to them, chatting with what seemed to be a group of supporters, turned and walked over to them.

„Didn’t expect you to be back on track that soon“, he commented, looking up and down Sehyoon’s frame. Then he fixed his eyes on Byeongkwan, a smirk forming on his lips.  
„And you are...?“  
Byeongkwan way just about to answer, but Sehyoon cut him off.

„He’s with me“, he said briskly.  
The other racer laughed.

„Don’t worry, Wow, I’m not interested in your company“.  
Then he turned his head, shouting something into the crowd which probably had been the name of the other racer who was emerging from the masses. He was wearing bright yellow and Byeongkwan thought that there was a high chance of him owning one of the flashy cars they had seen on the field.  
He walked straight over to them, throwing an arm around the shoulders of the man who had addressed them first.

„You remember Jae?“, the first man asked, not so subtly wrapping his hand around the other’s waist.  
Sehyoon laughed, shaking his head at the sight of the other two.

„I somehow always figured you’d get along“, he said.  
„Just too bad you still can’t beat me, Dae“.  
And with a grin he pointed at the board where the competitors for the first races were listed. 

* * *

„It’s quite simple“, Sehyoon explained as they walked back to the car.  
„The fist two places of every race in the first round proceed to the next while all others are eliminated. Then, only the winner of each race proceeds in the ranking until the finale. And then, depending on your rank, penalties and so on you get some prize money. Or you don’t. Betting on the racers is also a very flourishing business here“.

„Even though I really believe in you leaving them all behind, I won’t risk to lose my money“, Byeongkwan clarified, before stopping in front of Sehyoon’s car.

„Good Boy“, the other laughed, before climbing into his vehicle.  
„See you at the finish line, Kwan“.

He winked at him and shut the door, leaving Byeongkwan startled. 

He slowly made his way back through the crowd, ears buzzing with the sound of engines roaring and even louder music.  
Excitement was bubbling up in him and soon, he found himself in a flock of people partying at the finish line.  
Byeongkwan just mixed in, suddenly not feeling that out of place anymore.  
Someone asked him something, but he couldn’t understand with all the noise going on.  
The stranger tried again.

„Who are you placing your bets on?“, he shouted a little too close to Byeongkwan‘s ear.  
Byeongkwan turned to him, grinning.

„Wow, who else?“, he smirked.  


The stranger nodded, clearly trying to process the information. Then, his eyes lit up.

„Great man. He lost last time though, cost me a bit of money“.  
He furrowed his brows.  
„But I still bet on him. He better win this time or he’ll be in trouble“.

Byeongkwan laughed a little nervously, but the stranger suddenly smiled at him.

„You know how he got that name? Listen, I was there the night he showed up. A few years ago, I don’t really remember. Showed up out of nothing, no fancy car or clothes or anything. Bought his way into the competition with what I guess was his last money and no one took him serious. He was just a kid, but he had that look on his face... Long story short he won. He owned the race like he was born to do it and vanished with the prize money before anyone could find out more about him. Two weeks later, everyone in the scene had heard the story and for a lack of a better way to call him he got the name Wow. And when he showed up at the next race he already had quite the reputation“.

„He’s very different“, Byeongkwan agreed, determined to one day ask Sehyoon about his version of the story.  
The man hiccuped and took a sip from his bottle.

„There they are!“, he then exclaimed, pointing to the street where a bunch of cars were pulling up.  
But Byeongkwan once again only had his eyes glued to the pitch black car that was silently waiting to put all the others in their place.  
He imagined Sehyoon sitting behind that toned glass, firmly holding the steering wheel, eyes gazing to the point where the street met the horizon in the distance, every muscle tensed up and waiting for the start.

„You got this“, Byeongkwan murmured, holding on to the rail in front of him. 

With the sound of a gunshot and the wave of a flag they were off, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust behind.  
Byeongkwan found himself cheering and shouting, jumping up and down until the red taillights disappeared in the dark.

Just as he expected, Sehyoon won his race with ease and apparently gained a fair amount of supporters in the process.

Jae, the racer in bright yellow from before, unfortunately was one of those left behind and he was clearly angry, though he stayed around.  
Apparently he remembered Byeongkwan, because he was suddenly next to him, talking his ear off.  
He talked about the race, the ranking, current favorites. Why he was usually better and why he was being treated unfair.  
He didn’t seem to care that Byeongkwan only listened with half his ear, especially when there was Sehyoon to watch who seemed to have the time of his life.  
Race after race, it was always him to cross the finish line first, leaning out of the window with sparkling eyes and a wide smile, the night wind messing with his hair. 

* * *

The feeling of ecstasy rushing through Sehyoon’s entire body as his car came to a sliding stop was beyond imagination.  
Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he climbed out of the door with slightly wobbly legs, the faces and lights around him a messy blur.  
His own heartbeat was way louder than the music and the adrenaline made him feel as if he could move entire mountains with bare hands.  
Turning around, he spotted Byeongkwan in the crowd who was cheering at him, eyes bright like stars and his whole appearance was just glowing like a lighthouse. Without a second thought, Sehyoon walked over to him, pulling on his arm and holding him close while letting the energy of the crowd wash over him.  
The younger felt like his only anchor to reality as everything was dizzy around him so he kept holding on, floating on clouds while never letting go of his lifeline. 

Somehow, the two of them ended up back in the car, Byeongkwan happily chatting about his experience while Sehyoon bathed in the warm rush of feelings that was still all over and around him.  
Tonight, everything was possible.  
He threw a side glance at Byeongkwan who was just looking out the window, admiring how his hair fluttered in the wind and how the street lights cast strange-shaped shadows on his beautiful face.  
Grinning, he unconsciously wet his lips, keeping the tip of his tongue just sticking out like he often did.  
The younger only looked up when they took a turn left, away from the part of the city where he lived, but he didn’t say anything and rather leaned back in the seat.  
From the corner of his eye, Sehyoon saw his shirt riding up, revealing the second belt around his stomach and he could’ve sworn that he saw a smirk on the other’s face.  
He placed his foot firmly on the gas pedal, speeding up just a bit before shifting gears and continuing to rush, no, fly through the streets.

Parking in the garage beside the one he worked in, he pulled out the ignition key and sighed, looking at Byeongkwan. The younger had a slight blush on his cheeks and his eyes glistened like little stars.

„Figured I finally returned the favor“, Sehyoon grinned, opening the door.  
Byeongkwan smiled at him, climbing out of the car.

Sehyoon‘s home was a small room under the tilted roof of the building, just big enough to fit a bed, a desk and a wardrobe inside. The bed was just beneath the sloping ceiling with the covers all messy and askew.

„It’s not much but a mess“, he explained, halfway regretting his impulsiveness.  
But Byeongkwan was here, in his room, in his world and he seemed to illuminate the place with his presence.

„I like it“, the younger smiled, sitting down on the carpet below him. „I don’t think my feet can hold me a second longer“, he laughed and it felt just so right to have him here that Sehyoon let himself fall down beside him.  
For a moment, they were silent, just staring at the ceiling and listening to their mutual breaths, taking in the faint scent of smoke and dirt and sweat that clung to them.  
Sehyoon took off his goggles, throwing them in the corner and stroked his hair back, before turning to Byeongkwan.

„That felt amazing“, he finally said, still beaming.

„It was!“, the younger agreed, eyes still shining. „You were amazing! And so many people there support you and bet on you, it’s like...“  
He stopped for a moment, looking for the right words.  
„It was like a whole different world. And somehow it felt exciting to be part of it, even though I don’t belong there“.

Sehyoon nodded, it was true.  
Byeongkwan didn’t belong there, he was innocent and Sehyoon should have known better than to spoil him.  
Yet he was so happy to have the younger at his side, like he filled a hole in his life he didn’t know he had.

„I don’t think I could have won without you“, he finally said, furrowing his brows.  
„It’s weird, I don’t even know you that long, but somehow you seem to have good influence on me“.

„Or you got some really bad influence on me“, Byeongkwan commented.

Sehyoon frowned, but before he could immerse in deeper thinking the other added: „But I like it. I’m not going anywhere soon if that’s what you’re afraid about“.  
That had been exactly what Sehyoon had been thinking about.  
So he just nodded, breathing in and out deeply.  
But his thoughts were still swirling and he had never been good at talking. Luckily, Byeongkwan had decided to start thinking out loud and Sehyoon decided he might also happily spend the rest of his life listening to the other’s voice.

„You remember I asked you if it was okay to call you even if I didn’t need help? I meant that. Just think about it, you probably won’t find anyone in my generation less interested in car races than me and still you caught my eye. Not just because you won but because there was something different about you. I still think that. You’re the tough guy out there because you have to but really, somewhere down there“ - and he poked Sehyoon’s chest - „Somewhere down there is a good person“.

Byeongkwan smiled at him and his lips looked so soft and his eyes so warm that Sehyoon started to wonder wether he was real.

„You deserve better than me“, he murmured quietly, not able to take his eyes off the other.  
There was so much he wanted to say but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  
For example how the younger was everything he could never have, living a life he was never ganted, living in a world that seemed so much more bright.

„It’s not about what I deserve. It’s about what I want“, Byeongkwan declared and Sehyoon’s heart clenched a little.  
„I don’t care about what you do and what kind of people you surround yourself with. I don’t care about whatever you’ve done in the past or whatever broken pieces of you are scattered along the way. You’re gentle and caring and thoughtful“-

Sehyoon felt like he was exploding.  
He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he was not dreaming because here was Byeongkwan, the single most stunning person he had ever met in his entire life and who had been turning his world upside down since that night in the alley, telling him that he was worth something.  
That he cared for him and that he accepted him and that he was giving him a chance.  
And Byeongkwan was still talking, the words like a lullaby making his head all mushy and his thoughts all a mess and his heart was pounding faster and faster, heat rising in his cheeks as if the younger was using a magic spell on him.  
A spell that would only break if he stopped talking and now Sehyoon was staring at the other’s lips, wondering if that plump lower lip was as soft as it looked and something inside him snapped. 

In one swift motion, he entangled his fingers in the other’s hair, thumb resting at his temple as he softly pressed his lips on Byeongkwan’s. 

The younger gasped, his hot breath hitting Sehyoon’s skin as he felt the hand intertwine with his hair before he felt a soft pair of lips on his own.  
Sehyoon was so warm and soft and gentle and Byeongkwan leaned in, closing his eyes, melting under the other’s touch.  
He had somehow expected it, hoped for it but still it took him by surprise that it was Sehyoon leaning in, firmly holding his head in his hand while the other rested on his thigh. 

The older pulled away, looking at Byeongkwan, his cheeks flushed and eyes glazed over.  
Unable to form coherent words, Byeongkwan just nodded, wrapping his arms around Sehyoon’s neck and kissing him again, tasting the other on his tongue.  
He shuffled up to him, wanting to be even closer, feeling the other’s heat through their clothes and Sehyoon’s warmth surrounding him like a fluffy blanket. 

Somehow, Byeongkwan ended up sitting on the other’s lap, legs and arms crossed behind his back, clinging to him with his whole body.  
Their foreheads rested against each other, eyes closed tight as Byeongkwan felt Sehyoon’s breath on his lips and there was no place on earth he’d rather be right now.

Like this, they almost fell asleep, until Byeongkwan‘s nose bumped against Sehyoon’s and they decided to properly go to sleep.

„You can leave if you want“, Sehyoon murmured as he handed Byeongkwan one of his shirts for sleeping.  
The younger rolled his eyes, pulled the shirt on and flopped himself onto Sehyoon’s bed.

„Now come on you big baby“, he grumbled into the pillow, patting the mattress beside him. „It’s getting cold“.

And so Sehyoon squeezed himself in the space between Byeongkwan and the wall, his forehead against the younger‘s shoulders and his arms wrapped around him.

„You’re so warm“, Byeongkwan murmured and the last thing he heard was Sehyoon chuckling before drifting off to sleep. 

He wouldn’t be going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had way too much fun writing this chapter, the story really started to grow close to my heart with this one.  
I would absolutely love to hear what you think!
> 
> It still amazes me that there are actual people out there reading this mess of a story my last braincells came up with. So if you're reading (and maybe even enjoying) this: Thank you so much! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
This chapter is a very fluffy one. But don't let it fool you, there's still a lot left to happen, we're only just getting started.  
I'm sorry for any language mistakes.
> 
> I hope you enjoy <3

Byeongkwan awoke because he was cold.  
He turned around, squinting at the unfamiliar surroundings before slowly remembering the events of last night.  
Then, he also realized why he was cold: His personal source of warmth aka Sehyoon was gone.  
He shrugged, suspecting that he would be back soon and started wandering around.  
Keeping the shirt he had on for the sake of comfort and just putting on his pants, he left the small room under the roof and walked downstairs. Just as he had suspected the night before, he was currently above a car garage and looking downstairs into what seemed to be a makeshift living room.  
At least there was a table and two old chairs and a coffee machine while a large window provided a view over the workspace below. Curiously walking on, Byeongkwan was just leaning over one of the chairs to look down when someone coughed behind him.  
He immediately turned around, eyes wide open as he stared at a stranger.  
The shock quickly faded though as he realized that the stranger was eyeing him with an amused look on his face.

„You must be Byeongkwan!“, he said, coming closer and offering his hand. „The one who made Sehyoonie almost get his common sense back“.

Byeongkwan just stared, mouth half agape, and nodded slowly.  
The stranger reached out his hand, and Byeongkwan automatically took it.

„I’m Lee Donghun. This is my place“, he introduced himself and motioned for Byeongkwan to sit down.  
Byeongkwan blinked, falling back into one of the chairs. He watched the other sit down opposite of him. Donghun looked friendly, even though his eyes seemed oddly sad.  
Was this going to be some kind of interview?  
Were Donghun and Sehyoon some kind of roommates?

„Where is Sehyoon?“, Byeongkwan asked as Donghun was just reaching for the coffee machine.

„Oh, I just think he’s gone to the store. He didn’t expect you to be up so soon, but he should be back soon. Coffee?“

Byeongkwan agreed and soon he had a cup of steaming hot liquid in his hands. 

„So“, Donghun asked as they were both comfortable in their chairs.  
„How did you meet him? You don’t look like you’d be part of that scene“.

Shaking his head, Byeongkwan took a sip from his cup.  
„I’m not“, he clarified. „It was actually more of an accident that we met. I got lost at night and he, uhm, kinda saved my life. And due to weird circumstances we stayed in contact“.

Donghun nodded. He then raised an eyebrow at Byeongkwan and he noticed a silver shimmer. Was that a piercing?  
„You two dating or anything?“

Byeongkwan hastily shook his head, staring quickly at his coffee. Donghun laughed.

„Sorry, that was stupid to ask. I’m just really happy that Sehyoon has apparently found someone who can see him for what he is. I still have high hopes for that kid“.

„Something happened to him, didn’t it?“, Byeongkwan inquired. „Something made him take that path?“

„You’re good“, Donghun approved, holding up his cup as if to cheer to Byeongkwan. „Yes, he’s a broken soul. He really is such a nice person and he deserves better than getting through life with, well, you know what he’s doing. But at least he’s good at it. Still I hope that someday he will find the life he really deserves“.

„How is it that he lives here? You sound like you’ve known him for quite a while“.

The other nodded, taking another sip from his cup.

„He’s been here for about five years now. I will never forget the night he showed up, apparently I was the first person he ran into who was willing to help him. He had a pretty bad wound on his head, he was almost freezing to death and the most disturbed and scared kid you could imagine. I took him to the hospital and he didn’t talk for days. I allowed him to stay since he didn’t seem to have a place to go to and then he asked if he could live here if he helped me in the workshop. He never talked about what happened that night. And even though I can’t say that I approve of what he is doing, he’s my friend. And I’ll let him live here as long as he needs to get his life back together“

„That is so kind of you“, Byeongkwan muttered, thoughts still swirling around the image of a hurt and broken Sehyoon wandering helplessly through the streets.

„Don’t let it fool you, he’s mean“.

The both of them turned around to see a smiling Sehyoon standing in the door.

„I was just testing if I can approve of your new company“, Donghun retorted.

„So?“, Sehyoon asked, sitting down on the ground since there was no third chair.  
The older nodded, patting his shoulder.

„Keep him“. 

* * *

„You have been doing what?!“  
Yuchan was flabbergasted. He just sat across from Byeongkwan, mouth hanging half open and disbelief written all over his face.  
Byeongkwan just blushed, looking down at his hands.

„This is all your fault“, he protested weakly.

Chan shook his head, stroking strands of hair out of his face. He stared at Byeongkwan as if he was going to kill him.

„So you’re telling me“, he started recapitulating, taking a deep breath, „you actually went looking for that stupid driver because of a dumb joke I made, almost got yourself killed and somehow ended up dating that guy“-

„We’re not“ -

„And all the time you didn’t fucking tell me?“

Byeongkwan remained silent, smiling awkwardly at his best friend.

„You’re so fucked up, Kwan“, the younger sighed, shaking his head.  
„So when will you introduce him to me?“

„Don’t get stupid ideas, Chan. I don’t want you to do something illegal“.

„Hear who is talking. I just thought I deserve to know the person who is stealing my best friend?“

Chan pouted and Byeongkwan groaned.

„He is really nice, you know? Absolutely not what you’d think“.

Chan just grinned, patting Byeongkwan’s thigh. „No need to justify yourself, hyung. I figured he’d be special if he stole your heart“.

„He didn’t“- Byeongkwan wanted to protest but Chan kept smirking and he decided it was hopeless.  
So he reached for the drawer where the gaming console was hidden.

„Studying for university, huh?“, Chan snorted, grabbing a controller.

„As if you thought we’d be productive“, Byeongkwan retorted, switching on the TV. He fumbled a bit with his controller, before looking at Chan.  
„I thought I might ask him to come with me to practice on Wednesday“.

„You know I’ll totally be there and annoy you, right?“

„You always do, Chan. You always do“.

And he started the game. 

* * *

Sehyoon stood in front of the mirror, rearranging his hair strands for the nth time.  
By now, the white hair was kinda going on his nerves. Somehow it was just one more piece of evidence of him pretending to be someone he wasn’t.  
It just had really occurred to him until now. Just as if him meeting Byeongkwan had awoken some long lost secrets that were slowly resurfacing even though he had sworn to bury them deep in the ground.  
Just like the fact that maybe he wanted a life like Byeongkwan’s, without all the shade and dirt he surrounded himself with.  
Suddenly, the euphoria from his win last time seemed like a distant dream.  
So he rummaged through his wardrobe until he found an old beanie that was able to hide most of his hair and pulled it almost down to his eyes. 

„You look ridiculous“, Donghun commented as Sehyoon tried to sneak his way out.

He just grumbled, but stopped to look at the older who was walking over to him.  
Wiping his hands on his overall, Donghun carefully tugged at the hat until he was satisfied, giving Sehyoon an encouraging smile.

„It’s like you’ve forgotten how to be yourself all of a sudden“, he smiled.

„Hyung?“, Sehyoon asked a little shyly. „Do you still have that old bicycle?“

Donghun looked at him in surprise but nodded.  
„Don’t tell me you’re switching to bike racing“, he said in a sincere voice before cracking a smile.

„I’m just trying to find out something“, Sehyoon replied, already walking off.

„And that would be what exactly?“, Donghun asked after him but the other just shrugged.

„I don’t know yet“. 

* * *

„I think he’s over there!“, Byeongkwan exclaimed, pointing somewhere at the people walking across campus.  
Chan squinted and followed his friend wordlessly. And indeed, they were heading towards someone who was standing in the crowd like a deer in the headlights, looking as if he wanted to vanish into the ground right now.

„That is Sehyoon? You’re not telling me this is your bad boy speed racer“.  
Chan was giggling, probably thinking Byeongkwan was messing with him.

„He’s shy“, Byeongkwan just said. „I told you he’s not like you’d think“.

„How boring“.

But the man‘s face lit up as he saw Byeongkwan come nearer, eyes shining and smiling and Chan decided that maybe he could approve of this.

„Hey Sehyoon“, Byeongkwan grinned. „This is my friend Chan“.  
And he pointed at his companion whose grin was almost as bright as his red hair.

„Ah, I’ve heard of you“, Sehyoon said, a little awkwardly shaking Chan‘s hand. „Seems like I have to thank you for some of the recent events“.

„You’re welcome“, Chan laughed. „Even though I never thought it would end with my best friend“, and he hit Byeongkwan‘s shoulder, „getting a boyfriend“.

„We’re not dating, Chan“, Byeongkwan sighed and Sehyoon averted his eyes.

„If you say so“, the younger said, grabbing Byeongkwan by the sleeve. „Time to get going“.

„Where exactly are we going?“, Sehyoon asked a little nervously, but Byeongkwan just gave him a reassuring nod.

„You‘ll see“. 

* * *

They entered a room that was brightly illuminated and had a giant mirror on the wall. A few people were already there who greeted Byeongkwan and Chan and apparently took no notice of Sehyoon.

„Just make yourself comfortable“, Byeongkwan said, pulling off his jacket and revealing the sleeveless shirt he had been wearing underneath.  
Another young man who probably was a student too entered the room and everyone turned to greet him.  
Sehyoon looked at him, he was probably the leader of this small group. He had night blue hair and a characteristic mole on his nose and a slightly crooked but friendly smile.

„Let’s just start where we left last week, shall we?“, he said and his voice was very soft and silent. Then he walked over to the music box, plugging in his phone and turning up the volume. 

Sehyoon watched with wide eyes as they started dancing.  
The blue haired man who was leading them was an incredible dancer, his moves looked smooth and precise and effortless and he was so very patiently helping those who weren’t getting it right.  
Chan and all the other members of the small dance crew we’re also doing very good, but Sehyoon couldn’t stop staring at Byeongkwan. He was a perfectionist and living up to his expectations, so focused on every move and laying all his energy into every step.  
The beat of the music was pounding in his ears like a heartbeat and the heat rising up in the room started a fire inside his heart, he had a sudden urge to join, to move, to let the rythm flow through him like Byeongkwan and the others were doing.  
But he kept sitting, doing nothing but bobbing his head or tapping his foot and felt like he was about to explode anytime soon.  
He would embarrass himself in front of Byeongkwan and his friends and probably lose those few strings that had formed between them. The thin strands connecting him to reality. 

Sehyoon shook his head, pulling his hat deeper into his face while hiding further in his shirt even though he was already sweating.  
He almost didn’t realize when the music stopped, it was only when the soft voice of the blue haired man called for a short break that he snapped out of his messy thoughts. Immediately, people were walking around, rummaging through bags for something to drink or leaving through the door for a bit of fresh air.  
Byeongkwan was sweating but he had a beaming smile on his face as he walked over to Sehyoon, sitting down next to him. He looked at the older expectantly but started to frown when he realized the confused state Sehyoon was in.

„You alright?“, he asked, still pretty much out of breath.

_No_, Sehyoon thought but nodded anyways.  
Byeongkwan raised an eyebrow, reaching out and pulling the hat back out of the other’s face.

„I can not help you if you don’t tell me what it is“, he said with a comforting voice, searching for eye contact.

Sehyoon sighed, eyes darting around the room to check how many people were watching, before silently saying: „You dance really good“.

A smile spread across Byeongkwan’s face and his cheeks turned a little red.  
Sehyoon blamed it on the exhaustion.

He nervously chewed on his lip before adding: „I would like to try it. But I would just make a fool of myself“.  
His eyes turned to the ground, his body sinking further into his sweater.  
Then he felt something grabbing his arm and pulling him up so quickly he couldn’t even try to resist.  
Blinking a few times he stared at Byeongkwan who was smiling supportively.

„Just trust me on this, okay?“, the younger said before turning to the blue haired man who was leaning against the wall next to the music box.  
„Jongup hyung, can you put the music on again?“, he asked, holding Sehyoon’s wrist firmly as if to stop him from running away. The blue haired man looked up, squinting at them.

„Are you trying to get another member for our little dance crew? We’re running out of space“, he then said half-laughing, before playing some music.

A few other members started looking around upon this and Sehyoon froze in his step, nervously looking at the other men through the mirror he was now facing.  
But Byeongkwan still held his arms in place, his face just visible behind Sehyoon’s shoulder as he stared at their own reflection as the music started playing again.

„Just move, do whatever feels right“, Byeongkwan encouraged him as he started freestyling himself, gesturing for Sehyoon to just join him.  
And so Sehyoon did exactly that. 

The song was a little slower than those before and so Sehyoon started by moving his arms and upper body to the rythm, constantly staring at what Byeongkwan was doing in an attempt to copy at least some of his moves.  
At first, it was strange and unfamiliar, the movements out of rythm and stiff, but slowly his instinct started to take over. He closed his eyes and went with the flow, deliberately ignoring the fact that more and more people started watching.  
This definetely felt good. A grin spread across his face the longer he danced, until he dared to open his eyes again just to see all members of the dance team look at him in amazement.

„Wow“, Byeongkwan said, without really thinking about it, and Sehyoon broke out into laughter with the younger chiming in.  
Chan stood in the background, laughing so much that his eyes were almost invisible as he jumped up and down.  
Holding his stomach in an attempt to catch his breath, Byeongkwan looked at Sehyoon.

„You never told me you could dance!“, he gasped, leaning onto the mirror for support.

„I didn’t know“, Sehyoon answered honestly, though he was still smiling like an idiot about Byeongkwan’s reaction.  
„I thought I had forgotten it all“.

„Wait, so you’ve danced before?“

This was Chan who had walked over to them.  
Sehyoon nodded, chewing on his lower lip as he recalled the memories.  
They were good memories and suddenly he remembered why he had loved doing it so much back then.  
Back then… His face suddenly darkened and he frowned.  
Back then, before _that_ day, he thought and he felt a flood welling up inside of him.  
He saw Byeongkwan furrowing his brows, the younger clearly noticed that something was not right but this was neither the right place nor the right time to dig deeper.  
So Sehyoon swallowed, stretched his arms and put the smile back onto his face. 

For the rest of the session, he watched the others dance, not wanting to disturb their formation but somehow, he felt more comfortable than before. 

Maybe it was also a good thing to remember. 

* * *

Chan was, to say the least, disappointed as he realized that Sehyoon had for once not come by car.  
He and Byeongkwan had walked the older back across campus where, to their mutual surprise, he had went for an old rusty bicycle that was leaning against a tree.

„That would have been my chance!“, Chan whined and Byeongkwan suspected that the prospect of seeing the older’s car was probably the only reason for the younger to accompany them.  
Sehyoon just shrugged.

„Maybe next time“, he told Chan with a smile.  
Then, he swung one leg over the saddle of the bike, but stopped to turn back at them.  
He looked at Byeongkwan as if he was unsure how to say goodbye, but Byeongkwan just winked at him, his eyes speaking a language that the other understood without words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! <3  
I needed a bit more fluff in here before the story starts to get darker.  
Which will happen.  
Soon.  
So stay excited!
> 
> Side note: I had that idea of such a dancing class very spontaneously and considered writing a one shot about it, but then I decided to just put it in here. Which changed some original plans I had for the plot, but who likes sticking to plans anyway. I hope you like it as well!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!
> 
> The story will start to get... interesting with this one (or at least I hope so).  
There will be some violence and angst, so take care.
> 
> As always, I'm sorry for any language mistakes and I hope you enjoy <3

„Kwan, where exactly are we going?“, Chan asked as he was this time to be the one pulled along at the sleeve by his best friend.

Byeongkwan just grinned, turning around the next corner.  
„You’ll see“, was all he said, quickly walking onwards. 

It had been a week and a half since he took Sehyoon to dance class and he was not only excited to see Chan’s reaction but also the man himself again.  
His mind had decided to play the images from the night after the race on repeat every time he thought about Sehyoon and Byeongkwan only knew that he wanted whatever that was between them.  
But he wasn’t sure if he wanted everyone else to know yet. 

„Hyung, why are we going to a car repair on a saturday morning?“, Chan asked as the workshop at the corner of the street came into view.

„I thought you would be interested in my new acquaintances“, Byeongkwan just replied, counting in his head until realization struck Chan.

„You mean..?“, he asked, eyes suddenly sparkling with excitement.  
The older just nodded, walking towards the entrance.

He knocked once and stuck his head through the gap between door and frame, searching for any familiar face. And soon, a brown mess of hair emerged from behind a workbench, followed by Donghun’s surprised face.

„Byeongkwan?“, he asked, standing up and walking over.  
The younger nodded, grabbing the other’s hand in a firm handshake.

„Good thing you’re here, I think Sehyoon has gone insane over the last week. More insane than he usually is, that means“.  
Donghun was smiling, now turning his head to look at Chan.

„And you are?“

„Kang Yuchan“, the younger introduced himself, way more formal than Byeongkwan had expected.

„He’s my friend and he has an interest in cars so I thought I’d bring him along“, Byeongkwan explained.

„But I already have an apprentice that is costing me my last nerve“, he said intentionally louder, to which a groan could be heard from somewhere inside the garage.  
„Just kidding, I like it when someone shows interest in my work. Just come along, Yuchan“.

And so Chan and Byeongkwan followed Donghun into the building until they stopped in front of a car that was currently missing all of it’s tires. 

„This is Park Junhee“, Donghun said, pointing at a pair of legs sticking out from under the vehicle.

„Yah!“, came a muffled voice from below. „Don’t you have any manners, Donghun?“

There was a bit of shuffling and a young man with pitch black hair climbed out from underneath the car, looking at who was interrupting his work. He nodded at Byeongkwan, shaking his hand before doing the same to Yuchan.

„Park Junhee“, he introduced himself once more.

„Or just Jun, for short“, Donghun added with a bright smile.

Byeongkwan and Chan introduced themselves the same way and somehow Chan was immediately caught in a conversation about car parts and engine repair.  
Byeongkwan’s face formed a pretty obvious questionmark, so Donghun patted him comfortingly on the shoulder as Jun showed Chan what he’d been working on.

„Great, now someone is distracting my apprentice from doing his work“, Donghun joked, watching amusedly how Chan was already explaining something to Jun even though it was supposed to be the other way around.

„I think I might like your friend“. 

For a while, there was silence between the two men, until Byeongkwan decided it was time to bring up the topic he was here for in the first place.

„Is Sehyoon home?“, he asked, trying to sound casual.  
Donghun furrowed his brows, thinking.

„I think he went out late last night and I haven’t seen him today. God knows what he’s doing“ - Byeongkwan didn’t miss the sad expression that brushed over his face - „But maybe he’s just asleep. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you went to his room“.

The older winked at him, but his expression was not as light-hearted as before.  
So Byeongkwan just nodded, making his way upstairs. 

Even though he’d only been here once before, everything felt oddly familiar.  
The way upstairs, the door to the small room under the roof.  
The smell that was unmistakably Sehyoon and that Byeongkwan would recognize in an instant.  
The inside of the room with the messy bedsheets and the sloping roof that the other would probably hit his head on once in a while when waking up.  
Only that Sehyoon wasn’t there. Byeongkwan felt his heart twitch a little as he saw the empty room, a sigh leaving his lips. Now felt like an intruder, like he was violating the other’s privacy with his sheer existence.  
But it was so tempting to look around, take in the details, hoping for a little more insight into the person that Sehyoon was underneath the rough mask he had put on.  
Turning his head, Byeongkwan noticed a small pot on the windowsill with a small cactus growing inside.  
There was a bit of dust on the thorns, but the soil beneath was still a little damp as if it had been watered not too long ago. Also, there was a small bud forming on the side that would probably bloom in a few weeks.  
Carefully, Byeongkwan reached out with his finger, wanting to brush the dust off the plant.  
He felt the soft texture of the green body of the plant as he touched it, but before he could think about how contrasting this was to the sharpness of the thorns, a stinging feeling pierced through his finger.  
Immediately, he retreated his hand, watching as a drop of blood emerged on the tip of his finger where the thorn had stung him.  
He watched the red liquid form a droplet before it started running down to his wrist in silence, a strange feeling taking hold of him. 

It wasn’t until he wiped the blood off his hand with his sleeve that he realized it was fear.  
But it wasn’t himself that he feared for. 

* * *

Sehyoon had left the night before thinking it would just be one of the usual errands. 

Sneaking into Donghun’s supply storage, get the parts, deliver them to the meeting point, take the money and head back home, no words exchanged. 

Autumn was coming and the nights started to get colder, but that was more than a welcome excuse for him to wrap himself into as many clothes as he could, shielding himself from the world he was about to head into.  
So far, everything was just going as planned: He had the used sports bag thrown over his shoulder, the requested parts safely stored within, walking quickly through the alleys he knew by heart with his hood pulled into his face.  
He didn’t know who the client was this time, but it happened that someone beside the usual suspects would order something.  
He wasn’t taking the requests, he was just the one to deliver so he was in no position to question an errand. 

Turning around one last corner, he found himself at the back entrance to a pub, which was not the usual location for the exchange.  
But it also happened that the locations changed, so that was not too suspicious.  
Sehyoon looked around, but besides a flickering street light and two overflowing garbage cans the alley seemed to be empty.  
So he decided to lean onto the wall, stay in the shadow and wait.  
Sooner or later, something had to happen. 

With a creaking sound, the back door of the pub swung open, releasing a surge of stale air, smoke and raucuous bawling into the cold night.  
Three people walked out, the one in the middle looking more slender and elegant while the other two looked huge and bulky.  
Probably his personal bodyguards and goons.  
Sehyoon furrowed his eyebrows, something about these people seemed familiar, but he couldn’t grasp what it was exactly. He shrugged, probably he had seen them at a race before.  
They leisurely walked over to him, the slender man having noticed him from the second on that he left the pub.  
He wore a mask and a hood, so Sehyoon could only make out his eyes that were piercing through him like sharp needles. Unconsciously, he stiffened his shoulders, balling his fists.

„You got the requested parts?“

It was not a question.  
The voice of the stranger was sharp like his gaze.  
Sehyoon just nodded, taking the bag off his shoulder and dropping it on the ground between his feet. Then, he wordlessly reached out his hand, expecting the money in return.  
The other man clicked his tongue, gesturing for one of the goons to take out a bundle of notes.  
He walked up to Sehyoon, his heavy steps echoing through the empty alleyway.  
Sehyoon looked up to meet his feisty eyes still holding out his hand - and realization struck him.  
This was one of the men who had harrassed Byeongkwan back then, but since when were they playing bodyguard for some shady man in the scene that he didn’t know? He felt his body twitch, out of reflex, his eyes widening as he remembered the night he had found Byeongkwan, and immediately cursed himself for it as he saw a slow grin spreading over the meaty face of the man.

„I think I scared him“, he said maliciously, turning back to look at his complice. Then, he slowly retreated the hand that was holding the bundle of notes and instead walked up to Sehyoon, staring directly into his face.

„I remember your face“, he grinned, his breath stinking of cheap beer.

Sehyoon swallowed, determined not to let his nervousness show, never breaking eye contact with the man who was now towering over him.

„You stole our pretty plaything. Did you take good care of him? I’m sure you have, taking him with you again as your personal cheerleader“.  
He reached out his big hand, taking Sehyoon’s face in his hand just as he’d done with Byeongkwan that night.

„Hey, what exactly are you doing?“

This was the man who was probably the client, coming closer to see what the bully was doing to Sehyoon. The tall man just turned his face, still grinning feistily.

„No need to lose your money on this weakling, boss. He’s just pretending, on the inside he’s probably shitting his pants right now“.

„You know him?“

Now it was the other bodyguard who laughed.

„Don’t you recognize the infamous Wow? He might have name but he’s just a scared child when you look closer“.  
The client’s eyes formed little slits as he was examining Sehyoon before he chuckled coldly.

„Still trying to get revenge, aren’t you? And you’re trying so hard… but you should know by now that you don’t belong here, no matter how hard you try and no matter how many people respect you. Because no one will help you now“.

And he kicked the bag over to where the second bodyguard was standing. 

„Get. Off. Me“, Sehyoon hissed, clenching his teeth.

The man just chuckled again before turning to the first bully who was still holding Sehyoon’s jaw.

„You said something about a plaything?“, he asked, his tone making his intentions very clear.  
The bully nodded, grinning dumbly.

„Pretty little boy who was lost in the streets. We would have taken good care of him if he hadn’t stolen him from us“.  
He tightened his grip on Sehyoon’s jaw.  
The client clicked his tongue again.

„How convenient“, he said, voice cold as ice.

„Leave him out of it“, Sehyoon gasped, voice muffled due to his cheeks being held together. His hands were balled to fists inside the sleeves of his hoodie, the right one tightly clutching around cold metal.

„A scared child indeed. Raven will be amused to hear that you’re so weak after all“.  
The man came closer, hand wandering slowly underneath his coat where his belt disappearad. 

Sehyoon had luckily seen it and decided that it was now or never, releasing the blade of the knife he had held in his hand and bringing it in a quick motion to the thin man’s hand. 

The blade slipped off a little, Sehyoon’s hand trembling too much for a precise stab but it was enough to distract the three and give him the slight advantage of the situation. With a swift motion, he escaped the bully’s grasp, grabbing the bag with one hand and running off, the other hand still tightly wrapped around the knife.  
He heard the man cursing behind him, heard his own footsteps as he sprinted through the puddles, heard his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and the clicking echo of a gun being reloaded behind him.  
With all his might he threw himself behind one of the garbage containers, bruising probably the entire side of his body just as he heard the shot being fired.  
Adrenaline was shooting into his veins, numbing the pain as he started to crawl, leaving the bag behind and trying to stay in the shadow of the containers.  
Another shot echoed through the alley, making his whole body clench at the sound.  
_Just a few more meters until the corner_, he thought, squeezing himself through the slit between the brick wall and the cold metal of the container, _just a few meters…_  
With a clashing sound, the container was overthrown, spilling his contents all over the pavement.  
Two strong hands grabbed Sehyoon’s body like a ragdoll, holding him in place as an arm wrapped around his throat, cutting off his breath.  
In a deasperate attempt to break free, he stabbed the knife behind him to where the man holding him must be standing, and the sound of ripping clothes told him he had hit his goal.  
The grasp on his throat intensified but he kept stabbing blindly, his vision starting to fade.  
Another hand grabbed the wrist of his arm, twisting it around painfully and ripping the knife out of his hand.  
Slowly, the grip around his throat released a little and he gasped for air, blinking to see what was happening around him when his vision turned blood red and burning pain filled his entire body. 

Blood was flowing down his face in hot streams, rendering him blind and deaf as he fell to the ground.  
He was coughing and spitting, the blood running into his nose and mouth making it impossible to scream. 

„I won’t kill you, that would be quite unnessecary. Though Raven will be quite pleased to hear that you’re weaker than you’ve ever been“. 

With the tip of his shoe, the man kicked Sehyoon’s body aside, his footsteps vibrating through the ground into Sehyoon’s head. 

He needed to get out of here, needed to get help before he bled out on the street.  
The panic and the pain and the adrenaline shooting through his system made it impossible for him to think, everything was just pure survival instinct as he started to crawl forwards. 

He didn’t realize the lifeless body of another man laying beside the garbage container. 

* * *

Byeongkwan was running through the streets, Donghun, Jun and Chan following close by.  
How exactly he had convinced the three to help him search for Sehyoon he couldn’t quite recall, all he knew was he had a really bad feeling in his gut as soon as he started thinking about the other.  
Something was wrong, he just knew it, and he was afraid to be proven correct. 

Donghun had decided to accompany him in his search in the first place because he didn’t want Byeongkwan to be roaming those streets all alone and Jun and Chan had somehow come along, so now they were searching alley after alley for any sign of the man with the white hair. 

„I always told him that he’d get into serious trouble sooner or later“, Donghun had cursed but now he was silent, a worried look on his face.  
It had been and hour already and there was no trace of Sehyoon and Byeongkwan was going insane with fear.  
It felt like his stomach was clenching and he couldn’t breathe, his legs trembling more and more with every step. 

A scream made him jerk around, looking hectically in the direction of the sound’s origin.  
It was Jun who was screaming their names, Chan and Donghun already sprinting over to him. Jun was kneeling on the side of the street close to a wall, the other two also leaning down over whatever was laying on the ground there. 

Or _who._

Byeongkwan ran as fast as his legs could carry him, tears welling up in his eyes as he thought of the unthinkable.  
He shoved Chan aside, a little more roughly than he intended, and came to a sudden halt as he saw what Jun had discovered. 

Someone was laying on the ground, smears of blood leading up to him, his face hidden under a mess of dried blood and dirt. 

Donghun was frozen in shock, not moving an inch as Byeongkwan sank to his knees, reaching out a trembling hand to Sehyoon’s face. 

„He’s alive“, Jun said with a faint voice, holding the other’s wrist in his hand to feel the pulse. 

Byeongkwan inhaled sharply, hot tears silently flowing down his cheeks as he laid his hand to carefully take the other’s head in his hands.  
Sehyoon’s face twitched, his eyelids fluttering shortly.

„Don’t you dare to leave us now“, Byeongkwan gasped between sobs, hot tears dripping from his face onto the ground.  
„We’re taking you home“, he then added, voice not more than a whisper as his whole body trembled and Chan held his shoulder so he wouldn’t fall down. 

They somehow managed to heave Sehyoon onto Donghun’s back, with Byeongkwan and Chan holding him from the sides while Jun ran off to get his car.  
Byeongkwan’s mind had seldomly been so empty and so full at the same time, his thoughts screaming so loudly that he was turning deaf.  
His eyes were glued to Sehyoon’s face, watching out for every single sound or movement the other made.  
Sometimes, his mouth would open as if he wanted to say something, his eyes opening and closing without focusing anything and Byeongkwan felt so lost, not knowing how to comfort the other. 

He wanted to tell him that it would be alright, that they were taking him home, that he was there for him. 

But he couldn’t bring a single word to leave his lips so he just tried to lay everything he wanted to say in his presence, hoping Sehyoon would feel it anyways. 

With screeching tires, a car came to a halt in front of them, a hectic Jun jumping out and opening the doors.

„Seems like now there are two racers under my roof“, Donghun tried to joke but Jun just wordlessly started to help Byeongkwan and Chan with laying Sehyoon onto the back seat, a dark shimmer in his eyes.  
Donghun swallowed, deciding to keep quiet, and climbed into the car. 

Chan sat down in the front next to Jun while Byeongkwan kept Sehyoon’s head in his lap, holding him so he wouldn’t fall during the ride. Donghun on the other side held his feet.  
Carefully, Byeongkwan started pulling strands of hair out of the other’s face, trying to get rid of at least a bit of the dirt covering his face.  
At least Sehyoon was breathing deeper now, his mouth slightly opened, his eyes flickering beneath the lids. 

For a short moment, his eyes opened again, this time focusing Byeongkwan for a moment.  
„It’s alright“, the younger whispered, forcing himself to smile a little. 

Sehyoon let out a deep breath, his face relaxing a little before he closed his eyes again.  
Donghun looked over to Byeongkwan, giving him an encouraging nod.

„He’s probably just undercooled. The wound on his face doesn’t look that bad, nothing that can’t be fixed“. He then looked at Sehyoon who was asleep on Byeongkwan’s lap, shaking his head a little.  
„Trouble just keeps finding you, Sehyoonie“. 

It was at this moment that Byeongkwan decided that he would be there for them.  
For Sehyoon and for Donghun, who cared for the other like a brother would.  
He remembered the night when Sehyoon had shown up at his house, drunk and in tears, saying that no one cared for him. 

_But we do, you big stupid_, he thought, hand intertwined in the other’s messy hair. 

_We do._

* * *

„Mr. Kim had a bad case of hypothermia and lost quite an amount of blood, but he is alright now. There are a few bruises and contusions on his left arm and hip, but nothing seems to be broken or seriously damaged. We had to stitch the cut on his face, but with good care it will heal without more than a little scar“.

The nurse in the white coat smiled at them, bowing a little once she had finished explaining.  
She looked at the four men with warm eyes.

„You can visit him, but please be quiet. We would like to keep him until tomorrow just to make sure that he’s recovering well“.

Jun nodded on all of their behalf, thanking the nurse for informing them. 

The four of them had spent the last two hours in the hospital’s waiting room, alone with their thoughts and worries.  
Donghun had placed an arm around Byeongkwan’s shoulders, telling him over and over again that Sehyoon would be alright and that was just because he had insisted on searching for him.  
But the thought just made the lump in Byeongkwan’s chest become even more heavy - _What if he hadn’t been there?_  
What if he had just ignored the worries that had made him want to look in the first place? 

„Stop thinking so much, hyung“, Chan had told him, rubbing his arm. „We found him and he’ll be alright. Even though I must admit that I fear for your sanity when you start reading his mind“.

He had laughed softly and Byeongkwan had also started to smile a little.  
Then, he had thanked the others for the fifth time for helping him, to which they again replied that they would do it anytime again. 

Now, Byeongkwan was the first to stand up, walking to the room where the nurse had told them Sehyoon was.  
He slowly took the doorhandle in his hands, feeling the coldness of the metal in his palm before pressing it down, opening the door. 

There were two beds in the room, though the first one was empty. A few rays of sunlight fell through the window, the leaves of the trees outside drawing all kinds of shadows on the plain white bedsheets.  
He walked up beside the bed, looking down at a sleeping Sehyoon.  
Only his head stuck out from underneath the covers that looked thicker than usual, probably to keep him warm.  
A white bandage made up the most part of his right cheek, making him look like a ghost with his additional white hair that was still a bit stained with traces of blood. 

But his face looked calm, soft breaths coming out from between his parted lips. 

The touch of a hand made Byeongkwan look up and he saw that it was Jun this time who had laid an arm around his shoulder.  
Donghun was standing right next to him - were they holding hands? - and had his arm respectively wrapped around Chan.  
Byeongkwan couldn’t help but smile at the sight, the events of the morning had bonded them together in a way they didn’t quite understand themselves.  
Even though they had barely known each other before, hell, Chan had only met Donghun and Jun this very morning, they stood here like they were bound to be toghether ever since. 

Bound to be together as the five of them. 

_All because of you, Yoonie_, Byeongkwan thought and softly touched the sleeping man’s forehead. 

_You’re not a bad person. And we will show you. _

* * *

They had decided to let Sehyoon sleep and return the next morning to take him home.  
Byeongkwan had protested to stay just a little longer but the nurse had insisted that there was nothing more important for Sehyoon than to rest well and so they had agreed to go home. 

Home, in this case, meant Donghun’s apartment at the garage because no one of the four was actually thinking about leaving on their own.  
Jun had declared right away to stay with Donghun, since the events bothered him more than he was showing right now and Byeongkwan and Chan hadn’t been asked to go home yet so they just stayed.

„You love him like a younger brother“, Jun had told Donghun on the way home, demanding to stay.  
„And besides, you two live together. It’s not like it’s going to help you knowing that his bed up there is empty“.

Donghun hadn’t replied to that and now they sat in Donghun’s apartment, crowded together in the living room while Jun was making tea for them. 

„I had expected my day to go a little differently when you said you’d introduce me to your new friends“, Chan said, holding a pillow to his chest.

„In some way, this is all your fault“, Byeongkwan had retorted, leaning onto his best friend’s shoulder.

„Right“, Chan grinned. „So you should thank me for finding Sehyoon?“

„Just be glad we did“, Donghun said, pulling a blanket around his shoulders and looking terribly sad.  
Jun arrived with the tea, placing the cups on the table in front of them and squeezing himself between Donghun and the armrest of the couch.

„Now we all should stop sulking and have a cup of tea“, he said, patting Donghun’s back. „I put up the sign that we’re closed for today“.  
The older just nodded, leaning against Jun. 

For a while, they sat in silence until, surprisingly, Chan spoke up.

„Are we just gonna sit here now? Because that is not going to make anyone feel better. I think we should distract ourselves a little“.  
He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking at the other three expectantly.

„Because I’m pretty sure that we’ll be doing the same thing tomorrow when we get to hear the story behind all that and I doubt that it’s going to be a funny one“.

„You’re right“, Jun agreed.  
„I’m getting some snacks as well and you guys decide on what to do“.

And he was on his feet again, walking off to the kitchen. 

„One would think you lived here“, Donghun commented, but his lips curled into a little smile.

„He doesn’t?“, Chan asked unbelieving, his eyes wide.  
The sight of his astonished face made Donghun laugh, the tension visibly falling from his body.

„Maybe I’ll throw him out and keep you, Yuchan. You seem to be a lot more fun“.

Jun gasped outraged and Byeongkwan protested.

„Trying to steal my best friend, huh?“

„There will be an empty room here once you successfully stole Sehyoonie“, Donghun grinned and Byeongkwan blushed. 

Chan was just laughing, filling the room with his brightness. 

It was late in the evening when they parted, everyone heading for their respective homes for the night before they would meet at Donghun’s again the next day.  
„You couldn’t possibly have fallen for someone with a less chaotic life?“, Chan commented as he and Byeongkwan were walking down the street.  
Byeongkwan just shrugged, not knowing how he was supposed to reply. He was still worried sick about Sehyoon, despite them spending the day together as four had helped all of them to relieve some stress. 

And, to be honest, he asked himself the same question everyday.

„He’s good, Chan. You’ve seen him. He’s like a scared child behind that facade of his“, was all he said, not even looking at the younger. 

„If you say so, Kwan. But how much do you really know him?“

And with this Chan turned around the next corner without any further words, leaving Byeongkwan alone behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was an emotional mess while writing this chapter (you'll be hearing that more often in the future, so be prepared).  
Since this is essentially the turning point of this whole story, I am super curious what you thought about it!  
Also, I absolutely couldn't help myself with that cheesy cactus metaphor. I just had to.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and stay safe <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
With this chapter, you're in for an emotional rollercoaster ride. At least I was a mess of feelings writing this, so I hope you'll like it!
> 
> Also, I'm slowly getting used to the format here and I've tried to improve the editing on this chapter to make it easier to read.  
Enjoy <3

The footsteps of the tall man echoed through the dark room as he approached, his face hidden by the shadows. 

He came closer and closer, and even though he couldn’t see it, Sehyoon knew he had a devilish grin on his face.  
Turning his head to the side, Sehyoon closed his eyes, not wanting to look at the looming shadow above him, but ice cold fingers grabbed his jaw and held him in place. 

„Look at how broken you are“, the tall man said, his voice even colder than his touch.  
„You should have never run away… that would have saved you from so much trouble. But no, you had to live, just to prove once again how much misfortune you bring to others“. 

Sehyoon clenched his teeth, trying to move but his whole body was frozen. He wanted to escape from his grasp, hide so that he could never find him again but his feet didn’t obey his commands as if he had lost all control over his numb body.  
The tall man moved a bit to the side, still firmly holding his jaw to control where Sehyoon was looking, revealing the silhouettes of countless other people standing in the shadows. 

„What would your family think of you, now that you’re a criminal?“, the man hissed close to Sehyoon’s ear, shivers running down his spine and cold sweat covering his body.  
Three people stepped out of the faceless crowd, their faces full of disappointment and disgust as they stared at Sehyoon before turning away from him, disappearing into the dark.  
He wanted to cry, to scream but still his body wouldn’t move, forcing him to watch the scene in front of his eyes at the mercy of the shadow. 

„Does he know you’re stealing? Is this how you’re thanking him for what he has done to you?“  
A silhouette with the face of Donghun emerged from the crowd, the same repelled look on his face like his family had before. He didn’t even properly look at Sehyoon and turned away immediately. 

„Does he know you’re a murderer?“  
The voice spat out the last word, the sound of it feeling like a punch into his gut.  
But still Sehyoon couldn’t move, forced to watch in silence as he saw Byeongkwan appear in front of him, staring at him with wide eyes before opening his mouth as if to say something. But he was cut off, two giant shadows grabbing him by his arms and covering his mouth with their hands. 

In horror, Sehyoon had to watch how they lifted Byeongkwan’s small body up into the air, holding him like a puppet.  
„Too bad you had to pull him into this“, the voice of the shadow hissed before letting Sehyoon go, disappearing into the dark. 

„Byeongkwan!“, Sehyoon screamed, but no sound left his throat, he was trapped in his body, unable to close his eyes as he saw the flashing of a knife blade he knew too well, followed by the younger boy’s body hitting the ground.  
„No!“, he shouted, a sudden pain shooting through his face as he gasped, his whole body convulsing and squirming all of a sudden as everything went dark around him. 

* * *

Eyes wide open, Sehyoon found himself sitting in a bed.  
His breathing was heavy, cold sweat clinging to his body and he shivered, the images of his nightmare still burned into his mind. 

A door swung open and a woman hurried into the room, immediately pushing him back into a laying position and wiping the sweat off his forehead.  
„Calm down, calm down, everything is alright“, the nurse said softly, giving him an encouraging smile.  
„Just a bad dream. That can happen when the body is compensating for all the damage“. 

Sehyoon just blinked, reality only slowly coming back into his head.  
The hospital, the wound on his face, the previous night - He averted his eyes from the nurse who was still smiling friendly, pressing the bandaged side of his face into the plain white pillow.  
„You can leave tomorrow morning. Your friends will come to pick you up“, the nurse said, her voice calm as if not to wake anyone even though the second bed in the room was unoccupied.  
Sehyoon furrowed his brows, biting his lip.

„They wanted to take you home yesterday but you needed more rest. One even wanted to stay by your side while you were sleeping. You can really be lucky to have such caring friends“.  
She chuckled softly before turning around, walking towards the door, leaving Sehyoon once more alone in his thoughts. 

Shattered memories appeared in front of his inner eye, all numbed out by the feeling of cold and pain and _weakness_.  
There was Donghun’s voice, Junhee’s scream.  
Strong arms lifting him up, a hand stroking over his forehead.  
And Byeongkwan’s face, always Byeongkwan’s face, warm eyes wide open, tears on his cheek. 

Sehyoon groaned, hiding under his blanket, staring into the darkness, his mind swirling with thoughts and his chest heavy with emotions that he could neither understand nor control. 

So he shut them away, like he always did, locking it all up and leaving him in a dreamless void. 

* * *

The sky above was grey with clouds, a breeze bringing the signs of rain with it.  
Byeongkwan wrapped himself tighter into his sweater as he hurried over to the hospital’s entrance, Donghun following close by. 

They had decided not to overwhelm Sehyoon and so Jun and Chan had stayed at the garage, keeping track of business while the other two would go and get Sehyoon home. And some answers along with him.  
If he was being honest with himself, Byeongkwan wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the story behind yesterday’s events. Seeing the other so hurt and broken had already been a shock to him and he most certainly didn’t want to hear anymore details about it. And he was afraid, afraid to have the little image that he had carefully created in his mind shattered. 

„Don’t think too much about it“, Donghun advised, reading his mind just from the creases on his forehead. They stepped into the elevator that would bring them to the floor where Sehyoon’s room was. 

For a while, they stood in silence, until Donghun turned to the younger.  
„Whatever that is between the two of you - It’s good. I’ve never seen him so close to breaking out of that shell of his. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that alive and happy like in the past weeks“. 

For a lack of an appropriate reply, Byeongkwan just nodded, staring at his feet.  
He saw Sehyoon’s face in front him, laughing with his whole heart, eyes turning into small crescent moons while he tried to shake his bangs out of his eyes. And suddenly his chest felt tight, his heartbeat echoing through his ears and his cheeks filling with warmth. 

The doors of the elevator couldn’t open fast enough as he stumbled out, almost tripping over his own feet, blindly aiming for the plain wooden door that he knew the other was behind.  
He ignored the nurse asking for the purpose of their visit (Donghun would surely take care of that) and walked into the room, leaving the door half open. 

Sehyoon sat on his bed, still looking like a ghost with his messy white hair and the bandage on his cheek as he stared at the younger almost running towards him.  
„Byeongkwan“, he whispered, almost as if he was questioning wether the younger was really here or just a hallucination, before he had his arms full of him. Face buried into his shoulder, Byeongkwan wrapped his arms around Sehyoon, feeling the warmth of his body through his shirt, holding him as close as he dared without risking to hurt the other. Hesitantly, Sehyoon raised his right arm that wasn’t full of bruises to rest it on Byeongkwan’s back in a poor attempt to return the desperate hug. He felt the smaller body shiver in his arms and pulled him closer, the pain in his ribs forgotten as he let himself fall into the embrace. 

Somehow, Donghun had managed to separate the two, just to give Sehyoon a short but certainly heartfelt hug as well. 

Sehyoon looked at him with wide eyes, the sudden affection apparently taking him by surprise but Donghun seemed to completely ignore that.  
„Let’s get out of here“, he murmured, already on his way back to the elevators. 

They left the hospital, not without the nurse’s advice to make sure Sehyoon still got some good rest, just to be met with the first drops of rain falling from the sky.  
So they just hurried over to the car, Donghun taking his place behind the steering wheel and Sehyoon sitting down beside him. Silently, he turned the ignition key and brought them on their way, an unreadable expression on his face.  
He looked sad, Byeongkwan thought, but he always did.  
That was just his eyes.  
Or was it? He had seemed rushed, as if he wanted to leave the hospital as soon as possible.  
But there could be an endless list of reasons for that so he abandoned his train of thought and instead watched Sehyoon through the rear mirror. 

So they spend the drive in silence, each of them lost in their thoughts.

* * *

Jun had made tea when they returned, gesturing them into the living room to make themselves comfortable.  
He gave them his brightest smile and even Chan waved a little awkwardly at Sehyoon who just accepted their gestures with a nod.  
Jun frowned as he saw Sehyoon’s blank expression and just sat down, Donghun immediately taking the spot next to him. Byeongkwan stayed next to Sehyoon, his instinct screaming at him to keep the other close. 

But just as he had feared, Sehyoon subtly declined his touch and took a step away from him.  
Everyone looked at him expectantly and you could visibly see the nervousness rising up in Sehyoon. His eyes darted back and forth between the four of them, his fist clenching before he cast his eyes down.  
„I- I’m sorry“, he whispered, shaking his head and turning away, walking out of the room. 

„Yah!“, Jun exclaimed, wanting to stand up to follow him but Donghun held him back, quietly grabbing his arm. He shook his head. 

Byeongkwan just stood there, eyes glued to the spot where Sehyoon had vanished out of sight. He felt like his knees would give in any second, a numb feeling spreading throughout his body. His lower lip quivered, but no tears came out as if he was completely empty inside. 

Chan’s voice brought him back to reality, his friend suddenly shouting through the silence, the sound ringing in his ear.  
„What are you waiting for? Do i have to personally shove you to follow him?!“  
Byeongkwan blinked, shaking his head, sprinting out the door and up the stairs to the small room under the roof where Sehyoon lived. 

„Sehyoon!“, he called out as soon as he spotted the other standing in front of his wardrobe, hastily putting his few belongings into a worn out bag.  
The other turned around, his brows furrowed and lips pressed together to a thin line.  
„Just leave, Byeongkwan“, he murmured, averting his eyes.  
But Byeongkwan just came closer, reaching out to touch him.  
His hand was pushed away. 

„I don’t want to leave“, Byeongkwan insisted, not backing away an inch. Sehyoon sighed and swallowed heavily.  
„Go. Please“, he repeated, shutting the door of the wardrobe and grabbing the bag. „Don’t make this harder for me than it is already“.  
Byeongkwan shook his head, firmly standing in between Sehyoon and the door. 

„You’re not leaving now“, he said, trying to stop his voice from shaking.  
Sehyoon closed his eyes, shaking his head. 

„I’ve already put you through so much. I’m doing this to protect you“

„You’re not leaving!“

„Byeongkwan, please go“

„No! I didn’t search you for hours just to lose you!“

„Please, I…“

„I don’t care if something happens to me! Whatever it is, we will fight it together!“

„You don’t understand…“ 

„I don’t want to understand! I want you to stay!“ 

Byeongkwan was screaming now, tears pooling in his eyes as he glared at Sehyoon.  
The other flinched everytime he shouted at him, seeming so vulnerable and hurt. 

„Kwan, they threatened to hurt you“, he whispered, his voice a silent plea.  
Byeongkwan froze, teary eyes wide open. 

Sehyoon looked at him, dark eyes glistening. Was he crying too? 

„The men who harrassed you. It was them“.

Sehyoon’s voice was monotonous, all energy drained from it.  
„They recognized me. And I.. I“, his voice faded, a visible shiver shaking his body. 

His face was as white as his hair. 

„I think I killed one of them“. 

Everyone else would have been shocked. Terrified. Disgusted, probably.  
Everyone in their right mind would have turned away, losing all hope they had left in Sehyoon and replacing it with hatred. 

Maybe somebody else would have called the police. 

But again, Byeongkwan wasn’t in his right mind and just like the night when he had let Sehyoon into his apartment, he ignored the voice of common sense and went with his gut. 

So he crossed the room, took Sehyoon’s ghost-like face in his hands and looked him in the eye. 

„Kim Sehyoon now listen to me and let me talk. If you leave now, I probably won’t be there next time to pick your body out of some alley. None of us will be. We all care about you, no matter what happened in your past that you so desperately want to hide deep down inside you. I care about you, more than I probably should. And if you let me… If you let _us_, we will be there for you. _I_ will be there for you, just like when you randomly showed up in front of my door one night, just like when you called me because of your nightmares, just like when…“ 

Byeongkwan’s voice faded, his throat sore from shouting and talking so much.  
He let go of Sehyoon and was surprised to see the other had indeed begun to cry as well. Silently, a single tear ran across his cheek until it pooled in the corner of his mouth. 

He saw his lips move, but no sound came out.  
Byeongkwan blinked and Sehyoon repeated himself, a little louder this time, despite his voice was still feeble. 

„Can I hug you?“

Instead of an answer, Byeongkwan wrapped his arms around the other, burying his face in his shoulder.  
He felt Sehyoon’s arms around his back, hesitantly at first, then holding him more tightly, his warm breath against his neck. For a while, they just stood like this, their bodies so close that they could feel each other’s heartbeat, silently listening to their slowly steadying breaths. 

„I feel like my legs are giving in any moment“, Byeongkwan whispered finally, the declining rush of emotions leaving him feel exhausted.  
Wordlessly, Sehyoon picked him up and took one, two, three steps backwards so they fell onto the bed, Byeongkwan’s body splayed out on top of Sehyoon’s. They sighed in unison. 

And for the first time in forever, Sehyoon felt like he truly was at home. 

* * *

They had both drifted off to sleep when Donghun found them, Jun and Chan peeking over his shoulders to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside the room. Jun quirked an eyebrow, Donghun smiled and Chan giggled, the latter being enough of a sound to wake Byeongkwan. 

Still drowsy, he opened his eyes, squinting at the three intruders who looked at him with a questioning look. 

Jun pointed at the half-packed bag, eyes open wide as he realized the implication, but Byeongkwan slowly shook his head. 

„Noone is going anywhere“, he hummed.  
„Hmm?“  
That was Sehyoon, who raised his head to see past Byeongkwan.

Jun already opened his mouth, ready to give what was probably a well prepared and very angry speech, but luckily Donghun gestured for him to be quiet. Instead, the three of them sat down on the carpet in front of the bed and Byeongkwan shuffled off Sehyoon to sit upright. 

The other sat up as well, still clinging to Byeongkwan.  
For warmth. 

„I think I owe you all an explanation“, Sehyoon murmured, eyes fixated somewhere on the wall behind him. 

Byeongkwan squeezed his hand reassuringly, as if to remind him of his promise.  
But Donghun shook his head, his hand patting Sehyoon’s thigh.  
He smiled. 

„You know that I see you as my brother, right? Maybe I should have shown that more obviously. I care about you, I really do“.

„We’re your friends, okay?“, Jun added. 

Chan sighed audibly in the background. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and clicked his tongue. 

„How about we go out for food to calm down? All I’m hearing is people crying and talking overly dramatic“. 

„Yah, I’m trying to express my feelings here!“, Jun protested but Chan cut him off. 

„What better way to show your feelings than with food? Anyways, Sehyoon hyung, you look like a ghost and I’m afraid you’ll just vanish into nothing if you don’t eat soon“. Sehyoon and Jun looked at Chan with wide eyes, Byeongkwan was laughing and Donghun wrapped an arm around the boy with the flaming red hair. 

„I told you, I’m keeping him“, he said, lovingly looking at Chan’s bright face. 

* * *

The inside of the restaurant was crowded, the air filled with chattering and the smell of freshly baked pizza. 

„The food here is amazing, I know one of the chefs“, Chan announced, gesturing the other four to sit around a small table in the corner of the room. Sehyoon ended up being squeezed between Byeongkwan and Donghun on the bench while the other two took the chairs on the opposite side of the table. 

„How come you always know people wherever we go?“, Byeongkwan sighed, though not entirely unpleased with the prospect of some good food. Chan rolled his eyes, not even looking up from his menu as he replied.  
„You know him too, he’s good friends with Jongup hyung“. 

„Wait, this is the place Himchan works in? How come we’ve never been here?“

Byeongkwan was almost outraged.  
Then he looked at the confusal in the other’s eyes, quickly explaining that Jongup was the senior who led their dance class. 

„You might remember him!“, Chan said, looking at Sehyoon who was currently trying to hide inside his black sweater. An affirmative grunt was his answer and Chan decided that was enough of an answer. 

„How do you know their dance teacher?“, Donghun asked surprised, but then jumped to conclusions himself.  
„Oh is that where you went that day when you asked if you could borrow my“ - 

„Yes“, Sehyoon murmured, his ears turning red.

Donghun patted his shoulder and then leaned forward to smirk suggestively at Byeongkwan, who pretended to be really caught up in reading the menu. 

Soon enough, a waitress came by to take their order and bring them some drinks. They raised their glasses, looking at each other seriously for a moment before bursting into laughter. 

„This is to no more terrifying hospital visits“, Chan declared, before taking a long sip from his glass and choking on it a second later.  
„I’m sure it’ll work when you try to actually drink it instead of trying to breathe in your soda“, Dongun commented, though he patted Chan on the back to help him remove the liquid from his throat. 

„Thanks for the advice, hyung“, he coughed, face almost as red as his hair.  
Sehyoon chuckled.  
Byeongkwan turned his head, looking at the older just to make sure he hadn’t imagined it.  
But indeed, Sehyoon was smiling at Chan, his silent chuckles warming the whole room and some color returning to his face. Now this was slowly getting back to the Sehyoon Byeongkwan knew, all bright and comforting and so, so warm. 

The breakdown from before almost seemed forgotten and he decided to lock that memory away for now and enjoy this moment, cherishing the fact that somehow the five of them had become a thing overnight.  
And indeed, if you took a look at them, one would think that they were friends who knew each other for a long time. 

The way Chan laughed at Jun’s bad jokes, the way Donghun and Chan seemed to have found a mutual interest in bothering Jun, the way Jun sought help with Byeongkwan when the other two were joking about him and of course the way Sehyoon’s face lit up when Byeongkwan leaned against him; it all felt so natural. 

The food was, as expected, delicious.  
A string of molten cheese connected Chan’s lips to his plate as his cheeks were stuffed in the attempt to eat a large slice of pizza in one bite. Junhee was giggling at the sight, holding his hand in front of his mouth while Donghun squeezed the younger’s cheeks.

„Delifiouf“, Chan declared, mouth still full and tomato sauce on his chin.  
Byeongkwan wordlessly handed him a napkin, slurping the toppings of his slice into his mouth.  
He closed his eyes, nodding overly dramatically with satisfaction.  
Then, he glanced over to Sehyoon who already had left less then half a pizza on his plate. The older was chewing happily and Byeongkwan worried for a moment if he had gotten food in the hospital at all judging by the speed at wich he was devouring his meal.

Already feeling quite full, he gave the other two of his slices.  
„Ah, I really shouldn’t eat so much“, Sehyoon complained, staring at his plate. Byeongkwan snorted, picking up one of the slices and holding it in front of his lips. Without further complains, Sehyoon opened his mouth and Byeongkwan fed him like he was a little child. 

„You’re like a child“, Donghun said, watching the scene with amusement.

„Yah, I’m still three years older than him!“

„Really? One might think it was the other way around“.

„You’re a mess, all of you“. Chan shook his head, leaning back while slurping on his drink.

Junhee decided that it was a good idea to order another round of drinks, his ears already bright red, but he insisted on Chan sticking to non-alcoholic beverages.  
„You sound just like my mom“, the youngest complained, quickly switching Donghun’s and his glass as if nothing happened.  
Jun raised an eyebrow at him, but Chan just pretended like he didn’t see it.  
He raised the glass, looked at the others and was just about to drink when Junhee snapped it out of his hand and downed it at once. 

„Who’s up for dessert?“, he asked, a red glow appearing on his cheeks and without waiting for an answer, he waved for the waitress to come over and insisted on paying for all of them. 

* * *

„Hyung, how exactly are we going to get them home?“, Chan asked, worriedly looking at a very tipsy Donghun who was currently challenging a very tipsy Junhee for karaoke. 

After dessert, the five of them had somehow drifted right into the next bar where music was being played. 

Somehow as in: Junhee had gone in, pulling Donghun along and the other three didn’t dare to leave them on their own. 

Donghun’s face was bright red from the alcohol even though he hadn’t had that much and Junhee was giggling loudly in a tone that put teenage girls to shame.

„Jun’s car should still be parked in front of the restaurant“, Sehyoon shrugged, crumbling an empty bag of snacks in his hands. Chan nodded.  
„Then we just have to get them to the car“. 

But than was easier said than done, since both men were very determined to stay right where they were.  
„I thought we were here to… to have some fun“, Junhee pouted as Byeongkwan tried to talk him into leaving.  
„You should try this too!“ 

And he placed his half empty bottle into the younger’s hand. Byeongkwan just rolled his eyes, putting the bottle down and looking over to where Chan was having a little more success with Donghun, since the older was currently furiously hugging him.  
„You need to go home? Oh Channie of course I won’t let you go alone“, he slurred, leaning onto Chan’s shoulder so he wouldn’t stumble. Chan winked at Byeongkwan, mouthing a silent _Let’s Go_ to his friend. 

„If you’re not coming voluntarily, we will have to carry you. It will be really embarrassing“, Byeongkwan told Jun who was staring somewhere past him with glassy eyes. So he sighed, took the other’s hands and pulled him on his back before he could even protest.  
That way, Byeongkwan forced his way back to the exit while Jun was greeting everyone they passed enthusiastically.  
„Be still or I’ll end up dropping you“, Byeongkwan hissed, turning back to apologize to some stranger that he had bumped into. His head hit something soft and he looked up, having run head first into Sehyoon who was already fiddling the car keys out of Junhee’s pocket. 

„I can carry him“, he offered, but Byeongkwan shook his head and walked on, following the silhouettes of Donghun and Chan who were walking arm in arm in front of them. Or rather, it was Chan walking and pulling Donghun along.  
„I’ll come back to your offer, but I seriously hope that we won’t need to carry anyone to a car in the next weeks. Preferrably never again“.  
Byeongkwan sighed.  
Sehyoon fell silent and Byeongkwan sensed the guilt welling up in him. He would have reached out his hand to comfort him, but he was afraid that if he loosened his grip, Junhee would fall off his back.  
„Yah, at least try to hold on a little!“, he complained, but Jun just mumbled something incomprehensible into his ear.  
„He’s almost asleep“, Sehyoon pointed out, grabbing Jun’s sides and repositioning him on the other’s back.  
The familiar orange flash of the car’s lights blinking along with a little beeping sound told them that the doors were unlocked and Donghun immediately opened one, trying to shove Yuchan inside. 

„I’m taking you home, don’t worry“, the older slurred, almost tumbling over his own feet. 

„You won’t be doing anything, Donghun ah“, Sehyoon sighed, persuading him with gentle force to climb onto the back seat. Then he turned to the bundle of Byeongkwan and Junhee, helping the younger to drop the other onto the seat as well. 

„If anyone pukes on me, I’m gonna sue you all“, Chan warned as he was currently squeezed in between the two drunk men. He didn’t get an answer, instead Donghun just clung to his arm as if he was an oversized teddy bear and dozed off to sleep while Jun directly laid down on his lap. Chan snorted, wanting to shove Junhee off him which resulted in a protesting whine from the other.  
It was almost cute, so Chan let him be and even started to carefully pet his black hair.  
Byeongkwan chuckled at the sight, but Chan just said that he was doing it out of hope that Jun would hopefully not get sick if he was feeling comfortable.  
Sehyoon had meanwhile taken his place in the driver’s seat, taking a look at the mess in the back seat through the rear mirror. 

„They really seem to like you, Chan“, he said in a tone as if the two were like his pets or something. Which probably wasn’t that far from reality considering their current condition.  
„It’s something like his superpower“, Byeongkwan explained. „Everyone likes him. Wherever he goes, he like immediately has a ton of new friends“.  
„It’s so annoying, they always act like they want to protect me. As if I was a little child“, Chan protested, throwing a side glance at Donghun.  
„Because you have really stupid ideas, Yuchan“, Byeongkwan said, raising an eyebrow. They all knew what he was hinting at. Sehyoon laughed and started the car. 

The streets were fairly empty, so the drive didn’t take very long.  
Chan helped getting Donghun and Jun upstairs, the three of them deciding it was best to just put both in Donghun’s bed (which was large enough, really) instead of carrying Jun to the sofa (which would probably result in him getting a backache), let alone bringing him to his own place. That way, they had each other’s company when they woke up with probably a heavy hangover and incomplete memories in the morning. 

„They’ll be fine“, Sehyoon said, carefully closing the door to the room. „I’m bringing you two home. It’s not a time for either of you to walk home alone“. Chan wanted to complain, but then who was he to give up the opportunity of saving himself a 30 minute walk?  
Byeongkwan was already on his way back to Junhee’s car, since it was the one they had arrived in, so he was surprised when Sehyoon placed the keys into a bowl in the hallway and fumbled with the pocket of his own jacket.  
„I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if I stole his car“, was all he said and walked through a door into the garage to his own. 

Chan was suddenly wide awake, his eyes lighting up at the prospect of actually getting inside _Sehyoon’s car_ which had the other two chuckling.  
To Byeongkwan, it already wasn’t much of a deal anymore (especially since he hadn’t given a damn about cars in his entire life) but Chan acted as if it was his birthday and christmas at once. 

Of course they let him sit in the front and even Sehyoon couldn’t help but grin as they got on their way to bring Chan home. The younger’s energy radiated from his whole presence and no one could withstand it. Maybe that was why he made friends so easily, Byeongkwan thought. Just being around Chan felt good, his bright mood was infectious, you just couldn’t be sad when there was an enthusiastically happy Kang Yuchan next to you. 

Apparently, Chan soon regretted not living further away since the ride was over far too soon for his liking and he left not without begging Sehyoon to take him for a longer drive one day to which the older awkwardly nodded. Chan took that as a yes and cheerily disappeared through the door of his apartment complex, not without wishing them both a good night.

* * *

They drove in silence until Sehyoon stopped in front of Byeongkwan‘s home.  
It didn’t even surprise him at that point that Sehyoon apparently knew the way by heart. But Byeongkwan didn’t get out immediately, instead he turned to Sehyoon who was sinking into his seat, his jaw visibly clenched.  
„Talk to me“, Byeongkwan said softly, it was an offer, not a command.  
Sehyoon sighed, looking into the distance. He swallowed audibly, one hand rubbing the bandage on his cheek. He licked his lips like he always did when he was nervous.

„I’m scared“, he finally said, voice surprisingly feeble.

Byeongkwan looked at him, encouraging him to go on. 

„It’s odd. I’ve always been on my own. I’m not really good at this whole... friendship thing like you or Chan“.  
He laughed, but it sounded bitter.  
„But now I’m afraid. Shit has always been happening to me, but for the first time I don’t know if I can take it all alone, you know? It’s like there’s...“  
He thought for a moment, furrowing his brows. 

„It’s like a box. You know, like everytime shit like this happened, i put it in the box. I put it in there, hiding it among all the other broken pieces. And it worked. I had a place to stay and the box and it worked. Sometimes I even forgot about it, like when I won a race and felt that thrill - I was living for those moments because they made me forget“. 

Byeongkwan saw how he trembled a little and he wanted to reach out to him, but he also didn’t want to interrupt. A weird feeling was spreading out from his chest that he couldn’t quite grasp, so he just listened, trying to comfort Sehyoon with his presence.

„But then, you just come into my life and act like you don’t mind who I am and what I do, and I - I sometimes think you can see right through me and see all the things I locked away in that box and still you don’t mind, you’re still here, and I can’t understand that. All I know is that suddenly I can’t keep that box closed and I’m afraid. I’m so afraid of everything that’s in there and I can’t understand how you’re not afraid of it too“.

„I’m not afraid“, Byeongkwan confirmed, softly touching the back of Sehyoon’s hand. 

The other looked at him, eyes wide open, like a scared child.  
„And neither is Donghun or Jun, I’m sure. All that time, you were like a brother to Donghun, even though you might not have seen it. I understand that being alone with your own thoughts can be... crushing. But do you want to know what I see when I look at you?“ 

He smiled warmly and Sehyoon nodded hesitantly. 

But instead of answering, Byeongkwan opened the door.  
„Come on, I don’t want you to be alone with that box of yours“. He nodded his head towards the entrance of the building. Sehyoon blinked, apparently processing the situation before he silently got out and followed Byeongkwan.  
The latter had used the small time Sehyoon had taken to walk around the car and lock it to take a deep breath, swallowing down the lump that had formed in his throat while listening to Sehyoon talk.  
„I’ll punch you if you ask if I’m really okay with it, because I am“, Byeongkwan said as Sehyoon approached, his mouth already half open. „I even was when you invited yourself over“, he added and saw how the other averted his gaze. 

„Why are you doing this?“, Sehyoon asked. Byeongkwan rolled his eyes.  
„First, because I’m really tired and no offense, but my bed is way more comfortable than the seats in your car“. 

He reached for his keys, opening the door. 

„Second, I don’t want to wake up to your phone call in the middle of the night when you could’ve stayed with me all along“. 

He pulled off his shoes, throwing them somewhere in the hallway along with this jacket. 

„And third, because I really hope someone sees us walking in together so people think I have really cool friends“. 

Sehyoon looked at him with wide eyes but Byeongkwan snorted, actually eliciting a small laugh from the other.  
Byeongkwan pointed at the room. „Make yourself comfortable, I’m getting us some tea“, he said and was off to the small kitchen. 

While waiting for the water to boil, he leaned against the counter, closing his eyes. He tried to breathe that strange feeling away that had taken hold of him, it was sitting right underneath his ribs, nestled inside his stomach.  
At any other time, he might have mistaken it for hunger, but he knew there was more to it. It was like an odd mixture of uncertainty and excitement, like the second before falling, the calm before the storm.  
Goosebumps spread over his skin and he shook his head, getting back to preparing the tea. 

Sehyoon sat on his bed when he returned, holding one of his stuffed animals in his hands. It was a pink Kirby he had gotten as a joke gift from Chan years ago, but Byeongkwan really liked it’s fluffiness.  
„You have so many plushies“, Sehyoon pointed out, glancing at the small army of stuffed toys laying on the far side of the mattress and sitting on the cupboard.  
„Yeah, I guess“, Byeongkwan admitted. He was so used to the sight that he forgot it might be weird for others to see.  
„I have most of them since childhood and I never really had the heart to sort them out. They’ve always kept me good company“.

Sehyoon handed him the Kirby and Byeongkwan put it on the nightstand, along with the two cups of tea. 

„I’ll just change into something more comfortable“, he announced, walking over to his wardrobe.  
„You need anything? I think I still have that one large T-Shirt“.  
It wasn’t really a question and Byeongkwan immediately tossed the piece of clothing over to Sehyoon. He took it with a shy smile, disappearing into the bathroom to change. 

Meanwhile, Byeongkwan had found the spare blanket he kept if someone was staying overnight (which was not that often, and it was mostly Chan) and placed it on the bed next to his own. Then, he wrapped himself up in his own bedsheets, sat down and grabbed the cup of tea.  
Sehyoon shyly peeked around the bathroom door and walked awkwardly into the room, eyes darting between the couch and the bed. Byeongkwan nodded at him, lifting up the spare blanket.  
„If you want“, he said, seeing the hesitation in Sehyoon’s eyes. But the other came over, slipping underneath the comfy fabric, grabbing his tea as well. He was silent and Byeongkwan didn’t want to urge him to talk, waiting patiently for the other to get comfortable.

„I didn’t remember your room was so… colorful“, Sehyoon finally said, looking around.  
„Most people say it’s too childish for my age“, Byeongkwan replied, slurping at his tea.  
„I don’t“, was Sehyoon’s immediate answer. „I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as you feel comfortable“. 

He reached for one of the plushies, a teddy bear with a tiny knitted scarf. He turned in his hand, carefully as if it was made out of glass instead of wool.  
„I like the idea of them keeping you company“, he smiled and Byeongkwan blushed. It was really kinda embarrassing how he still clung to these old toys. 

„I really wish I’d had one of these last night at the hospital“, Sehyoon murmured and Byeongkwan noticed how his face had turned pale again.  
„Did it hurt that bad?“, Byeongkwan asked but Sehyoon shook his head.  
„If you mean the injuries, no. They were quite generous with the painkillers. Or maybe not generous enough, because I still got nightmares“.  
„I’m sorry, I wanted to get you out but“- Byeongkwan began but Sehyoon cut him off. „Stop apologizing. It’s not like it’s your fault or anything“.  
„Maybe it is. You said since you know me, you can’t close your… box anymore. Something like that“.

Sehyoon sighed, pulling his knees closer to his upper body.  
„I’ve never had nightmares like that in years“, he began, speaking slowly, softly, and Byeongkwan knew that he was maybe the first and only person that Sehyoon was telling this.

„I was always on my own. I did what I had to do, and I wasn’t too proud of it, but I didn’t care because it was just me. And Donghun, somehow, because I lived in his spare room, but I worked for him in exchange. And he never got anywhere close to coming in contact with what I was doing. Maybe that was because it was okay, because he had his life and I had mine. But it’s different with you“. 

„Why? What is there so different about me?“, Byeongkwan asked, his voice a whisper.  
Sehyoon looked at him and even managed to smile a little. 

„Because you’re important to me. You make me feel all weird things and you make me smile and I’ve never felt so alive like in the past weeks. But they know your face and maybe your name and I want to get out of your life to keep you out of this but I also don’t want to lose you“.  
He blinked multiple times, shaking an errand strand of hair out of his eyes. Then he looked at the other, eyes wet and clear and honest. 

„Byeongkwan“, he said, suppressing a sob. „I’m so fucking afraid of losing you. I’m so afraid of being alone“.

And then it broke out of him, the tears pouring out of his eyes, he was sobbing and Byeongkwan reached over to pull him into his arms, holding him so tight that he almost couldn’t breathe. Sehyoon buried his face in Byeongkwan’s shoulder, his tears soaking the fabric of his shirt, he was clinging to the other like a lifeline, shaky hands searching for any hold on the other’s back.  
Byeongkwan rested his chin on Sehyoon’s head, the fluffy hair tickling his cheek and he hummed softly in an attempt to soothe the other.  
Sehyoon sniffed, a choked _Sorry_, leaving his throat but Byeongkwan just kept holding him, wanting him to go on until he had cried his worries out.  
He would remember the look in Sehyoon’s eyes forever, it had been so sincere, so earnest.  
The first time the real Sehyoon had looked at him, for a moment devoid of the hard shell he had built up over all these years.  
And with that look, Byeongkwan had known that this was the feeling inside his stomach from before, the uncertainty, the excitement. Because yes, at the beginning it had all been fun and jokes, nothing more than a crush on the image of Sehyoon, created by his very own mind. Maybe not even that, maybe it had just been the temptation of the moment, the alluring scent of something dangerous in his otherwise quite normal life.  
Hell, he hadn’t even known his name.  
But now, now that he had Sehyoon, the very real and human and hurt Sehyoon in his arms, confessing that he was afraid of being alone, he knew that it was not his mind or one of his moods fooling with him. 

This feeling came straight from his heart and it almost hurt. 

Because he, too, was afraid of losing Sehyoon.  
Images flashed through his mind, how they had found him, covered in blood and looking almost dead and now Byeongkwan was crying too, his body shivering and shaking. Sehyoon loosened the embrace, looking at Byeongkwan with wide eyes, cupping his face with his hands. 

„No, no, no, please don’t cry!“, he pleaded, hastily wiping his tears away.  
„Please, I didn’t want to make you cry, please don’t“. 

He looked so lost, so helpless, and Byeongkwan smiled through his tears and placed one of his hands on Sehyoon’s cheek.  
„It’s okay“, he said through his tears, hiccupping.  
„It really is“. 

He wiped his tears away with his hand, looking at Sehyoon. 

„I almost forgot, I wanted to tell you something. I wanted to tell you what I see when I look at you“. 

Sehyoon nodded, hands sinking back to his lap. Byeongkwan took them. 

„I see you reaching out to me, pulling me back up on my feet on the night we met. I see your lost and confused face when you showed up in front of my door out of the blue. I see you laughing and joking and I see you dancing, Sehyoon. Maybe I can really see through you. But all I see is that there’s a kind and gentle person underneath all that thorns and broken pieces“. 

He smiled, honestly meaning every single syllable of what he just said. And Sehyoon was smiling, it was shy and maybe he was even a bit flustered, judging by the way he looked anywhere but Byeongkwan’s eyes.

„That was cheesy“, he finally said, sniffing a little, but the corner of his lips curled up. 

„It’s true!“, Byeongkwan insisted but he felt the tension breaking. 

„See?“, he said, hugging Sehyoon again. „Not afraid. Not afraid at all“.

* * *

Somehow, they had sunken down onto the pillows and Byeongkwan had put the lights out.  
Sehyoon was breathing deeply next to him, already drifting off to sleep, one arm around Byeongkwan. Byeongkwan leaned into him, loving the way how Sehyoon felt so warm and steady next to him.  
For a moment, he remembered the night after the race, when they had been high on adrenaline and ended up kissing.  
Byeongkwan found himself staring at Sehyoon’s slightly opened lips, remembering the feeling quite vividly.  
But that was a topic for another time.  
Not because Byeongkwan didn’t want it to happen again, because he really did, but because he felt that Sehyoon first had to sort out the mess inside of him. And that was more than okay, because first of all, Byeongkwan wanted to stay by his side, whatever kind of relationship it was they had. 

And maybe, Byeongkwan also had to make sense of the mess inside of him first.

He sighed, resting his forehead against Sehyoon’s shoulder, one arm loosely draped across his rhythmically rising and falling stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My reaction while writing the last part was essentially the same as Byeongkwan's, so I did my best trying to convey some feelings.  
Also, that was when I realized that I really grew attached to this little universe I created while writing this and I would absolutely have to finish the story.  
So, thank you all for coming along <3 As always, I would love to hear what you thought!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mainly an excuse to let some more idols have cameos ^^  
Enjoy <3

Regarding the events of the past weeks, Byeongkwan wasn’t any longer surprised by spontaneous visits at late hours.  
However, when he opened the door this evening, it wasn’t Sehyoon who stood in front of him but Chan.  
A very angry looking Chan.  
That was unusual.  
But before Byeongkwan got to open his mouth and ask what had happened, Chan just walked past him and into his apartment, flopping down onto the sofa face down. He groaned into one of the pillows. Byeongkwan just followed him, looking at his best friend with a slightly irritated look. 

„What demon has taken hold of you?“, he finally asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy on his couch. 

„Not funny“, Chan replied, turning around onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

„If you don’t tell me what’s up, I’ll just assume you’re pranking me or something“.

Byeongkwan leaned forward to make eye contact. Chan sighed, and this time the despair in his eyes seemed true.

„I’m getting kicked out“, he said plainly, hitting the sofa pillow with his fist. 

„Did they raise the rent again?“, Byeongkwan asked.  
It wouldn’t be the first time.  
Chan nodded, grabbing one of the pillows and holding it over his face. It was immediately pulled away by Byeongkwan.

„How bad is it?“

„If I’m not eating, showering or heating I might be able to pay back the debts by my 70th birthday“.

Byeongkwan clicked his tongue and furrowed his brows. It seemed like the government actively wanted to stop you from studying with those ridiculous prices. Or at least people like Chan wo weren’t able to get supported by their families.

„So you have two options“, Byeongkwan pointed out. „New job or new home“.

„I know“

„So?“

„I don’t know where to look. It’s already difficult to get any room in this city, especially if it’s supposed to be affordable. And a new job... maybe I should just quit this whole university thing“.  
He sounded seriously disappointed by his own idea.

„We’ll find a solution“, Byeongkwan promised, already playing through different scenarios in his head. 

„I could ask Mr. Jung if he needs another assistant for his lab... or maybe one of the other Ph.Ds is looking for students? Or maybe at the restaurant, you could ask Jongup hyung next time in dance class! And if you need the money real bad, I’m sure Sehyoon knows a few tricks to...“ 

„Yah!“, Chan protested. „Just because I can’t afford to pay rent I’m not joining any shady business!“

„Just an idea“.

They both sincerely stared at each other before they burst out into laughter. They couldn’t know that Byeongkwan‘s last idea wasn’t that far-fetched after all.  
„And anyways, If you’re really getting in trouble you can always crash at my place“, Byeongkwan added, pointing to the spare blanket that was still on his bed. Chan grinned and then, to his friend’s surprise, shook his head. 

„I think there’s someone elso who is occupying my space here“.  
Byeongkwan pouted, hearing this from his best friend hurt more than he liked to admit.  
„Chan, you know“- he began justifying himself, but was cut of by the other rolling his eyes. 

„It’s okay, Kwan. I’m not mad. I want to be happy for… whatever that is with the two of you. I really do. But it’s all been a lot in the past days“. 

He leaned back on the sofa, pulling Byeongkwan down onto the spot next to him. Then, he wiggled his eyebrows and Byeongkwan looked at him slightly irritated. 

„I’ll just make you jealous and hang out with Donghun hyung. And that way I’m getting way more information about whatever you and Sehyoon are up to“. He stuck out his tongue and Byeongkwan punched his shoulder playfully.  
But maybe the whole thing wasn’t too bad of an idea.

* * *

It actually was Sehyoon who had come up with the plan, during one of their phone sessions on the following evening.

„Donghun really seemed to like him. And he knows what he’s talking about“, he said after Byeongkwan had explained the whole problem. 

„You mean -?“

„I’m asking him right now“.

Then Byeongkwan heard the sound of the phone being put down, followed by Sehyoon calling out Donghun‘s name. The rest of the conversation was barely audible, but judging by Sehyoon’s enthusiastic voice it had been a success.

„Can you send me his contact? I’ll give Donghun hyung the number so he can call Chan himself“. 

„And I was joking when I said I might ask you for help“, Byeongkwan snorted. 

„Why?“

„Because I was joking that you surely knew some ways to make money if really need be. But Chan, and I quote, _didn’t want to join any shady business_“. 

„So you don’t think Donghun hyung is shady?“ Sehyoon sounded dead serious, but Byeongkwan knew he would break out into his silent laugh the moment he started talking. 

„Considering you living under his roof“, Byeongkwan retorted which earned him a muffled giggle from the other end of the line. 

This was what he loved about their talks. No matter if he could see Sehyoon’s face or not, like now when they were just talking on the phone, he always knew how the other would react. He could just sense Sehyoon’s expressions, like how he sometimes blinked when a strand of hair had fallen into his eyes or how he shook his head to get rid of said strand. How he chewed on his lip when he was thinking how to put his thoughts into words. And of course how he laughed, quietly but wholeheartedly, eyes forming little crescent moons while he was trying to catch his breath. 

„Kwan? Are you listening?“

Byeongkwan shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. 

„Sorry, what did you say?“

Sehyoon chuckled. „You were thinking again. You never listen when you think about something important“. 

„I guess I do… But I’ll stop, since I actually want to listen to you instead of the voices in my head“.

For a moment, there was silence, and Byeongkwan could almost see how the other licked his lips before clacking his tongue, mentally rewinding to find the point in the conversation where he had lost Byeongkwan. 

„Ah, I just wanted to tell you how I found Junhee and Donghun the day after we went drinking“.

„Don’t tell me they were still in bed when you came home“.

„Still fully clothed“, Sehyoon confirmed.  
Byeongkwan facepalmed, really wishing he had seen it too. The phone in his hand buzzed and he looked at it, seeing that Sehyoon had sent him a photo. He grinned, knowing what he would see in a moment and unlocked the screen, tapping on the image to open it.  
He snorted, laughing out loudly as he saw a spread out Junhee on top of the covers, head tilted to one side and his tongue almost slipping out his half-opened mouth. Next to him was Donghun, arms and legs wrapped around the other, clinging to his side like a baby sloth. 

„That’s high-class bribery material“, Byeongkwan commented. 

„And you have it now, too. So you’re basically joining my _shady business_“. 

Byeongkwan was just about to joke that he had pretty much done so since the day he met Sehyoon, but kept quiet as he sensed the atmosphere change. There was something different about Sehyoon’s silence from the other end this time and Byeongkwan could almost see him furrow his brows. He waited for Sehyoon to say something, giving him the chance to sort his thoughts.  
And when he spoke up, his voice was different, softer, calmer but also fragile. 

„Byeongkwan?“

„Yes?“

„I… uh. I really like you, Byeongkwan“. 

He almost whispered it, as if he was afraid to scare Byeongkwan away with his voice, with his words.  
A smile spread across Byeongkwan’s face, a pleasant warmth spreading out in his chest. 

„I like you too, Sehyoon. I like you very much“, he replied, and it was the honest truth. Sehyoon hummed, processing the other’s words. Something else was bothering him, Byeongkwan knew it, but he didn’t want to stress the older by asking about it. Given enough time to think, Sehyoon would eventually tell him if he really wanted to. But what the other said next surprised him.

„Are you sure?“

„Yes, of course!“, he replied without even thinking about the answer. Maybe it had come out too quickly because Sehyoon seemed startled.  
„Sehyoon, is this about the night when - the night where you got that scar on your face?“, Byeongkwan asked carefully. „Or is it about the things hidden in your box?“

Sehyoon just sighed. He was probably trying to look for words, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, eyes darting around the room. 

„You don’t have to tell me now if you can’t find the right words. Maybe it will be better if we can really see each other?“ Byeongkwan tried to sound reassuring. Sehyoon hummed again, probably nodding his head.  
Byeongkwan thought for a moment, but then he had an idea. 

„Why don’t you join me for dance class tomorrow? I could teach you some moves if you like and if you want to tell me anything, I’ll be there to listen“. 

„I’d like that“, Sehyoon said shyly and Byeongkwan couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips.

* * *

„Oh Byeongkwan, you’re early!“, a soft voice greeted them, along with the sound of a door opening. Byeongkwan and Sehyoon spun around, the older immediately stepping behind Byeongkwan as if he was trying to hide. 

„Yes, I wanted to show Sehyoon here some of the moves for our dance“, Byeongkwan explained with a smile, reaching behind him to grab the older by the sleeve so he wouldn’t run away. The blue haired man smiled, reaching his hand out to Sehyoon. 

„Hey, it’s good to meet you! My name is Moon Jongup, I’m leading this small dance class“. His smile was a little shy but he had confidence in his movements. Hesitantly, Sehyoon took the outstretched hand, still halfway hiding behind Byeongkwan’s smaller figure. 

„Kim Sehyoon“, he introduced himself, doing his best to look the other in the eye and even smile a little. Apparently, Jongup was satisfied with that because his smile got brighter before he turned back to Byeongkwan.

„So, you’re really trying to get a new member for the team, huh?“

Byeongkwan blushed and felt Sehyoon tense up behind him. 

„Only if he wants to“, he said calmly, sqeezing Sehyoon’s wrist he was still holding. „For now I just want to show him what we’re doing because I think he might like it“. 

„Then we’ll do our best to make it worth your while“, Jongup grinned, looking at Sehyoon with his sparkling eyes, who nodded shyly in response. 

Jongup then left to place his things in the corner of the room, pulling off his jacket and hoodie. Byeongkwan looked at Sehyoon, searching for signs in his eyes that he was uncomfortable or overwhelmed with the situation. 

„If you want to leave or it’s getting too much, tell me“, he murmured, giving the older an encouraging smile. Sehyoon nodded, fiddling with his sleeve. 

One by one, the other members of the dance team started pouring in and Sehyoon watched them curiously from his spot on the side of the room. He still stood behind Byeongkwan, even though there was no realistic chance of him actually hiding behind the smaller boy, not wanting to draw attention to him.  
Instead, he started to notice how different the dancers were, both in their figures and movements: There was one boy who was significantly shorter than the other ones, which made him seem fragile and somehow cute at first sight, but as soon as he started to dance to the rythm with sharp, controlled movements he was outshining them all.  
Another one was extremely tall, his arms and legs seeming a little to long for his body and his dancing style was accordingly unique.  
Jongup himself was, just like Byeongkwan, a very powerful dancer while one of the older members of the crew, who was also quite tall and had a unusually long neck, moved as if he was born to do ballet.  
They were all so different and yet made such a good team when dancing together because everyone of them got to shine both on their own and as a part of the whole. Sehyoon was just thinking about how he could possibly ever fit into this - was there anything as unique about him? Could he even dance in a way that he wouldn’t be a burden to the others? - when a flash of red appeared in the corner of the room and suddenly he heard Chan calling his name.  
Immediately, all eyes were on him.  
He took a step back, only to find his back bumping into the wall. He swallowed thickly, eyes darting around the room to find Byeongkwan but he was currently talking to the shortest dancer of the team, who had to look up to meet the other’s eyes.  
Just as he considered calling out his name, Chan was beside him, grinning as brightly as ever. It was as if Chan carried a halo of happiness around him, cheering up everybody within it’s realm up just with his mere presence. 

„It was your idea, wasn’t it? To ask Donghun hyung if I could work at his place?“, Chan cheered and Sehyoon wouldn’t be surprised if he would start bouncing off the walls any second. 

„So he called you“, he chuckled. Chan nodded eagerly and before Sehyoon could defend himself, the younger had given him a quick hug. He was startled, to say the least. 

Luckily, Byeongkwan came over to them again, laughing at the scene in front of his eyes. And Sehyoon could have sworn he winked at him before turning to talk to Chan about the newest improvement to his life.

The short boy had followed Byeongkwan and was now looking at Sehyoon with wide eyes, clearly too intimidated to talk to him. 

„He’s just shy, don’t worry“, Byeongkwan said and Sehyoon wasn’t sure who of them he had been talking to.  
But smaller boy reached his hand out, taking a deep breath before introducing himself as Hwanwoong. Sehyoon nodded, introducing himself as well, which seemed to break the ice for the younger. 

„Are you joining our team? I’ve never seen you on campus before! What’s your dancing style?“  
He sounded excited asking all those questions and Sehyoon felt like his mind was about to short circuit any second. Because he honestly didn’t know the answer to any of those questions. He started chewing on his lip, avoiding the other’s eye contact while trying to come up with an answer. But surprisingly, it was Chan who turned his head, saving him from the soon-to-be awkward situation. 

„He’s really good at slow dances! I’ve seen you practice with Kwan, hyung, and your movements are really smooth!“

Sehyoon looked at him in surprise and so did Byeongkwan and Hwanwoong.  
Chan just shrugged before laughing about the astonished look on Sehyoon’s face. 

After this short episode, all the other members of the dance team soon came to realize that Sehyoon was not half as intimidating as he seemed, despite the slowly fading but still visible scar on his cheek.  
They were indeed all exceptionally nice to him and especially Jongup, the leader of the team, was someone he found likeable. Maybe because he was rather quiet and shy as well and because he seemed to know how to encourage him without making him feel uncomfortable. 

At first, Sehyoon had been hesitant to join since the others were already so much further into practicing the choreography of the song, but Jongup had told him with that bright, slightly crooked smile of his that it was alright and that everybody had to start somewhere. 

„You just need the courage to take the first step“, he said before turning to face the whole group, giving tips here and there.

After a while, it turned out that Chan had been quite right about his observation concerning Sehyoon’s dancing style.  
They had switched to another song where the chorus involved a lot of fluid, wavy moves and while Sehyoon had been rather clumsy and lost before, he seemed to be very much in his element right now. Byeongkwan was even forgetting to dance along and found himself rather staring at the other who was rolling his body with such a smoothness that seemed to come naturally to him. 

Sehyoon caught his eyes in the mirror and had the nerves to stick out his tongue, which had Byeongkwan blushing and laughing in an instant.

Dance class was over in the blink of an eye.  
Chan rushed off pretty quickly, shouting something about not wanting to be late to his „job interview“ and was out of the room before anyone could reply.  
Sehyoon chuckled, imagining how Donghun would probably go as far as to fake a whole application procedure just to mess with the younger. He had really liked him from the beginning and had been enthusiastic about the idea of having him help out in the garage. 

_Finally someone that I will actually like to work with_, he had said, resulting in a protesting grumble from Junhee.

Byeongkwan was just packing his bag when Jongup walked over to them.

„Hey, Sehyoon“, he greeted, friendly as always. „I hope you had fun today“.

Sehyoon nodded, and Byeongwkan knew he was smiling softly. 

„I just wanted to let you know that you’re always welcome to join us if you want to. You would be a great contribution to our group. Just tell me, then I can put your student ID on the list even though we’re technically out of space“. 

He tried to wink, but ended up blinking with both eyes. Sehyoon swallowed, managing to say a quiet _Thank You_ to the other, who nodded and waved them goodbye as he left the room. 

Byeongkwan turned to look at Sehyoon and sighed as he once more found the happiness from before drained from his face. 

„So you can only participate if you’re a student“, he stated matter-of-factly. The disappointment was obvious on his face.  
Byeongkwan stared at his feet, not knowing what to say. Sehyoon grabbed his jacket, walking towards the door. Then he turned around, looking back at Byeongkwan who hadn’t moved. 

„Aren’t you coming?“ 

Byeongkwan bit his lip as he heard the hurt in his voice. So he hurried over to him, his hands shoved in the pockets of his pants. 

Like this they walked in silence across campus until Sehyoon stopped, rolling his eyes at Byeongkwan. 

„Are you happy now?“, he asked harshly, his dark eyes sparkling with an emotion that was almost scary. Byeongkwan blinked, looking up at him and felt something inside him shatter. 

„W-Why would I be?“ He honestly didn’t know what he’d done to upset Sehyoon that much. But whatever it was, he would definetely avoid it in the future, because upset Sehyoon was terrifying. 

„Oh, maybe because you find it funny. Acting all like you care and giving me hope of actually getting a piece of my life back just to take it away. Just to remind me in the worst way of what I am and that I was foolish to think you’d actually care for me and help me get out of this shit“. 

He pointed at the scar on his cheek, his jaw trembling as he stared down at Byeongkwan who suddenly felt so small and vulnerable. He searched for eye contact, but instead of the warmth that was usually hidden in the older one’s eyes he only found a dark abyss. And a thought crossed his mind, it was there before Byeongkwan could fight it: Sehyoon was dangerous. He had maybe even killed in the past.  
And he, Byeongkwan, should be scared. 

„Sehyoon please, you’re scaring me“, Byeongkwan whispered, making himself even smaller. 

„Suddenly you are scared, Byeongkwan? Scared of what I am? Scared of what I might do to you if I wanted?“ 

His voice was low and cold as he leaned down, stretching out his hand to grab his jaw, forcing Byeongkwan to look at him. The touch was rough and it hurt, and Byeongkwan felt tears pooling in his eyes.

„Sehyoon“, Byeongkwan whispered again, but the sound was muffled since the other was still firmly holding his face. 

„What?“, the other hissed, glaring down at him. „Can you still say that you believe I’m a good person? That you don’t hate me for what I do? Because I’m probably not more than a stupid little distraction in your oh so perfect life“.

His breath hit Byeongkwan’s skin as he spoke so close to his face and the younger flinched involuntarily, closing his eyes. 

„Of course you can’t“, Sehyoon spat, his voice so full of hurt that Byeongkwan wanted to comfort him, his voice so full of hate that Byeongkwan wanted to run away in fear. 

Sehyoon leaned back for a moment and Byeongkwan sensed his chance: In the blink of an eye, he had kicked Sehyoon in the shins and was off, running as fast as his legs could carry him.  
The shock was pumping adrenaline through his veins that helped him move even though he felt like his bones were made out of jelly. 

His mind was blank, he wasn’t looking where he was running, the only thing in his ears was his raging heartbeat, turning him deaf and blind.

* * *

Sehyoon stood frozen in place as he watched Byeongkwan’s silhouette disappear between the buildings. 

The anger inside him was fuming off, leaving him feeling like a hollow shell. He noticed his still stretched out hand, fingers curled and ready to grasp with malicious intent.  
Now his arm was shaking and he carefully tried to stretch his fingers as if he didn’t believe that they were actually a part of his body. But his fingers obeyed and moved, trembling a little before he let his arm fall to his side. Byeongkwan’s words were ringing in his ears, this desperate, terrified plea. 

_Sehyoon please, you’re scaring me._

He had scared him in his anger. He had scared him so much that he had run away from him. 

_You’re scaring me._

The look in Byeongkwan’s usually warm, brown eyes was etched onto his retinas. 

Sehyoon felt his legs tremble, the bruise forming on his shin nothing more than a numb pulse.  
He sat down, falling onto the wet grass below him.

He had scared Byeongkwan away because he was so scared of himself. And now Byeongkwan was hating him like he hated himself.  
And now Byeongkwan was gone; his only lifeline out of reach because he had cut it himself. 

He buried his face in his hands, scratching the scar on his cheek.  
It hurt, but everything was better than this dreadful feeling of being nothing but a hollow shell.  
He had wanted to tell Byeongkwan about that night. And he had wanted to tell Byeongkwan about how he had loved to dance as a child. And maybe he would have told Byeongkwan that he wanted to quit, that he wanted a second attempt on life with his help. 

But now Byeongkwan was gone and it was all his fault. 

The pain in his scar was getting stronger and he hissed as he felt something wet on his fingertip.

Without Byeongkwan, he probably wouldn’t have survived that night. Byeongkwan had been strong for him when he couldn’t.  
Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe it was time that Sehyoon learned to stand up for himself.  
Suddenly, he felt cold, the rain soaking his clothes and the bruise on his leg was throbbing painfully. 

_Sehyoon please, you’re scaring me._

„Fuck“, Sehyoon exclaimed, louder than intended, stumbling to his feet.

* * *

In his whole life, there had only been one moment where he had felt a similar hopelessness as this. The feeling was crushing, tightening around his throat as Sehyoon ran through the streets. 

Of course, his first destination had been Byeongkwan’s home, but the apartment was just as empty as he had feared it to be. So the next thought had to be Yuchan who was probably still at Donghun’s place.  
Where he would have to confess that he fucked up once and for all. Maybe Donghun would help him search though, not for his but for Byeongkwan’s sake. 

It had stopped raining, but the air was still cold and wet, the kind of coldness that went right through your skin into your bones.  
Over and over again he told himself that he would find Byeongkwan, safe and warm, with Donghun and Chan. He wanted to think of his smile, his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes which usually warmed his heart like nothing else could, but all he could see was fear.  
The fear in Byeongkwan’s eyes when he had looked up to him, so small and fragile, pleading for him to come back to his senses. 

But he had been so caught up in his anger and self-pity that he hadn’t listened, that he had hurt Byeongkwan even though he had wanted to protect him so badly. Sehyoon doubted that he would ever regret another moment this badly. 

Luckily, no customers were in when Sehyoon stormed into the garage, looking and feeling like a mess. He was still drenched in rain, hair sticking out in all directions from underneath his hood, his cheeks flushed red from running all the way.

„What the“, Donghun was about to ask, but Sehyoon cut him off. 

„Byeongkwan“, he gasped, holding his sides. „Please tell me Byeongkwan is here“.

The moment of silence was enough of an answer. Donghun just stared at Sehyoon while Chan slowly walked up to them. His wide eyes told stories about what was going on in his mind. 

„What?“, was all he managed to say.

Sehyoon cursed, ready to turn on the spot. Donghun‘s firm grip on his arm held him back. 

„What happened?“, he asked, the concern in his voice evident. Sehyoon sighed, letting his head fall down.

„I fucked up“, he said simply, rubbing his hands over his face. He felt Chan‘s and Donghun’s piercing gaze on him. He had to explain, but there was no time. He needed to find Byeongkwan, make sure he was alright and spend the rest of his life apologizing.

„I got angry with myself and let it out on him because I’m a piece of shit and I scared him so much he ran away and he isn’t home and now I worry that something happened to him even though I promised to protect him“. 

„He ran away from you? What did you do to him?“, Donghun asked, looking at the other in disbelief.

„That doesn’t matter right now, I need to find him! What if anything happened to him?“  
Sehyoon was almost screaming. 

„Why would anything happen to him?“

That was Chan, sounding scared. Sehyoon glanced up to him, he stood halfway behind Donghun, staring at him with wide eyes. Sehyoon groaned, holding his head between his palms, fingers digging into his damp hair. 

„They know who he is. On the night when… when“, he pointed at his scar, hoping the others would understand. „The men who harrassed Byeongkwanie back then, they were there, and they recognized me and… and they threatened to hurt him and…“  
His voice gave in and he bit his lip, choking down a sob. He felt himself tremble underneath his clothes as he waited for any of the two start shouting at him, cursing, kicking him out.  
But instead, Donghun walked over to him, grabbed him by his shoulders and stared him dead in the eye. A fire was burning inside of him and it was intimidating. 

„We’ll go find him. Right now. But I think you owe us all an explanation afterwards“. 

Sehyoon just nodded, the images of his various nightmares in which Byeongkwan was getting hurt playing vividly in his mind. 

„If you really like him so much, why would you make him run away“, Chan murmured who had also walked up to him by now, letting Sehyoon see the pain in his eyes.  
„I should have made him stay away from you“.

And with that he walked past him to grab his jacket.

* * *

„He doesn‘t answer his phone“, Chan sighed from the backseat. He was probably seething on the inside with anger for Sehyoon, but still he had insisted on joining the search.

„Just how I feared“, Donghun replied sourly. He wasn’t even looking at Sehyoon but instead scanned the passing buildings and streets for any sign of the boy while holding his own phone to his ear. 

„Hm? Yes, yes we’ll keep trying to call him. Yes, Jun, I’ll watch out“. Junhee‘s hysteric voice could be faintly heard through the speaker of the phone and Sehyoon wanted to shut him up, wanted to bring Donghun and Chan back home so he wouldn’t have to bear with the intense atmosphere anymore. He was already hating himself for losing control, he didn’t need anymore assistance with that. 

He had made a silent promise that he would get out of their lives as soon as they would find Byeongkwan. His heart clenched at the thought but he ignored it, focusing his eyes on the road. If his worst assumption would turn out to be true, he knew where to go.

Desperately hoping not to find Byeongkwan there, he steered the car towards the outskirts of the city, towards a street he had hoped to never see again in his whole life. 

Sehyoon parked the car in the shadow of an old warehouse, wiping the sweat off his forehead. 

„You stay here“, he said briskly, pulling his hood into his face. „Don’t come after me. If anything happens leave without me“. 

He put the key in Donghun’s palm, closing his fingers around the cold metal. 

„Where are you going?“

Sehyoon looked up into Donghun’s ever-sad eyes, failing to read the emotions behind them. He was still holding Donghun’s hand with the key inside and the other’s skin felt so warm on his own. 

„Do you remember the night when you found me, Donghun?“

Sehyoon’s voice was trembling a little. 

The other just nodded, how could he ever forget? Sehyoon had walked aimlessly through the streets when Donghun had just closed his garage for the day. He had been way skinnier, clothes too thin for the harsh autumn weather and covered in bruises and dried blood stains. 

„For all these years, I tried to forget what had happened to me before you found me. I locked it all away. But I think it’s about time to face my past“. 

Sehyoon turned and got out of the car, not wanting to let them see how he was shivering with fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Sehyoon find Byeongkwan? Will they be alright? And will we finally learn something about Sehyoon's past?  
You'll find out soon!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the finish line! (pun intended, maybe?)
> 
> I have nothing to say except I hope you're as excited for this chapter as I am. Enjoy <3

Sehyoon was hiding in the shadows, pressing his body to the cold brick wall as he slowly made his way through the rows of abandoned buildings.  
Years ago, this had probably been an old factory of sorts, judging by the empty warehouses and the tall chimneys reaching into the night sky. He remembered the image all too well, the old building had seemed to reach out for him with long, dark claws while he had so desperately wanted to escape his grasp. Memories were welling up inside him, memories he had wanted to forget so badly.

Clenching his fists to suppress the shivering of his body, he slowly sneaked forwards, finding himself on an empty street that was bordered by a high fence. Behind the rusty metal loomed the forgotten factory hall and with it the demons of his past. 

He almost hated himself for still knowing where the fence was broken, but the gap was right there where he had cut it himself five years ago. Noone had bothered to fix it, maybe noone had discovered it in all that time that had passed.  
The ground was cold and damp from the previous rain as Sehyoon crouched down and through the hole, re-entering the place he had hoped to never see again. In silence, he hoped that he wouldn’t find anyone, that they had abandoned this place once and for all, and especially he hoped not to find Byeongkwan here. 

But sadly, Sehyoon’s intuition had always been good. 

A blinding light pierced through the silent darkness, startling Sehyoon and taking his eyesight for a moment. The brightness was directly in front of his face, even shining through his tightly closed eyelids as he tried to make himself as small as possible. 

„How convenient“, a cold voice hissed, scarily familiar. „We didn’t even have to call and yet here you are, crawling on all fours“. 

Sehyoon stood up, shielding his eyes with his hand to stare at his opponent. He was tall and again dressed elegantly in a suit, holding the blinding flashlight right into Sehyoon’s face. Behind him, he could make out the vague silhouettes of two massive people, standing on either side of the tall man. And between them - 

„Sehyoon!“, Byeongkwan screamed, trying to evade the grasp of his capturers. His eyes were swollen and tear-stained, his body looking way too tiny in the hands of the two goons. 

„Byeongkwan!“, Sehyoon gasped, wanting to shove the guy in the suit out of the way to rescue the younger. But the man held him back, stretching out one arm to stop him while pulling a knife out of his sleeve, pressing it to Byeongkwan’s throat. 

„Stay right where you are“, he said, thin lips forming a malicious grin. „Sehyoon“. 

A cold shiver went down Sehyoon’s spine at the sound of his own name and he froze in his movement, feeling completely exposed in the glaring light. He heard footsteps closing in on him and soon, another man came into view. He walked with such a confidence as if he owned the very ground he was standing on, knowing that everyone would clear the path for him to pass through. He was dressed in pitch black clothing, only his face was visible as he emerged out of the shadows. 

„Sehyoon“, he repeated, lips curilng into a smile as well. „So it was you all along. Let me be honest with you, I thought you were dead“. 

He came closer, circling Sehyoon like a hunter stalking his prey. 

„Maybe that’s why I never recognized you. Who would have thought that little kid from the accident would cause me so much trouble“. His voice was right beside Sehyoon’s ear, but he refused to flinch.  
„I must say, I admire your tenacity. What better motive could there be than sweet revenge?“

His eyes flickered over to Byeongkwan, who looked as pale as a ghost, the blade of the knife flashing next to the exposed skin of his throat. Raven chuckled, firmly holding on to Sehyoon’s shoulder so he was forced to look at the scene in front of him. 

„How noble, coming to save the one you love. I thought you had learned that you are a misfortune for everyone. Does your pretty friend here know who you really are? What you have done?“

Sehyoon squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head away from the voice. 

„Turn away and I will slice his throat“, Raven hummed and Sehyoon immediately opened his eyes, his heart shattering into a thousand pieces as he forced himself to look Byeongkwan in the eye. 

„I’m sorry“, he whispered, but no sound left his lips.  
Raven clacked his tongue, shaking his head. 

„Now, your apologies won’t help anyone. But if you don’t want to talk, I’ll just tell him what you are“. With a motion of his hand, two more men stepped out of the shadows, holding Sehyoon in place while Raven walked with slow, languid steps over to the shivering Byeongkwan.

„You see, your friend here“, he snarked, „Is a thief. A liar. And a murderer. For the longest time he was a thorn in my flesh for damaging my reputation at the races but now, since you finally told me his name, I can finally see the whole picture“.  
Byeongkwan stared at Sehyoon, doubts and fears obvious in his eyes. 

„Don’t believe a word he says!“, Sehyoon pleaded, but knew that it was in vain. He had lost Byeongkwan’s trust the moment the younger had run away from him and now he was paying the bitter price. 

„Do you want to know how I met him, Byeongkwan?“, Raven asked, leaning in close to Byeongkwan’s ear. Sehyoon hated the way he said the younger’s name and rage was welling up inside him, but he had to restrain himself for Byeongkwan’s sake. 

„I saved his life. He was about to die in a car crash, along with his family when I found him. I took him with me, gave him a place to sleep and something to eat and how did he thank me for all that?“ 

His cold eyes fixated Sehyoon before turning and looking Byeongkwan straight in the eye. 

„He killed one of my best men and ran away. And now I learn that he is the very same person who is questioning my status for three years now“. 

„You must be blind if you didn’t recognize him“, Byeongkwan retorted in a shaky voice, his adam’s apple bobbing dangerously close to the blade of the knife. The grip on his body immediately tightened, making him groan in pain. 

„Careful what you say, boy“, the man in the suit snarled, turning the knife just enough to make it flicker in the lights. 

„However“, Raven continued, ignoring Byeongkwan’s reaction, „this makes this situation even more convenient for me. Killing two birds with one stone, one could say“. 

„Let him go!“, Sehyoon exclaimed, no longer fighting against the hold the two men had on him, hoping they would think he was giving up. 

Raven turned to him, not a glimpse of emotion in his dark eyes. 

„Oh, but that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?“, he grinned. Sehyoon’s mind was racing, desperately trying to come up with a plan. He swallowed thickly, hoping his voice would stop shaking. There was no way he could talk his way out of this, nor had he any chance of overpowering his opponents, especially not without risking Byeongkwan getting hurt. 

„Then I demand a race. Right here, right now“, Sehyoon said, firmly looking Raven in the eye. 

For a moment, he seemed taken by surprise before a grin spread over his face. 

„Oh, and why would I accept this challenge?“, he asked smugly. 

„If you win, you’ll have your reputation back and I will do whatever you want from me. If I win, you’ll let Byeongkwan go and you’ll never hear from me again“. 

Raven chuckled, but Sehyoon didn’t miss the way his eyes twitched at his proposal.  
„Sounds like a pretty bad deal on your side“, he said, „You’ve never won against me“. 

„So you got nothing to lose“, Sehyoon replied, firmly maintaining the eye contact. Raven grinned at him. 

„After all this, why not. Would be a suitable way for you to lose everything“. 

„Put away the knife, then. He won’t run away“. 

Sehyoon looked at Byeongkwan, hoping he would indeed stay still, hoping he was understanding what he had in mind. And indeed, the man in the suit slowly lowered the knife and Byeongkwan remained still, not making any attempt at running away.  
Sehyoon sent a silent prayer to every deity he could think of before facing Raven once more. 

„I have my car just a few streets away. You can personally accompany me to make sure I am not running away“.

He took one step towards Byeongkwan, his insides screaming at him to run over and take him in his arms, shielding him from the world, but the feeling of cold metal between his shoulder blades urged him to stop. 

„Slowly, slowly“, Raven grinned, enjoying the control he had over Sehyoon to the fullest. „Nothing will happen to him if you do just as I say“. 

„Please don’t hurt him“, Sehyoon whispered, head hanging low. A pathetic plea considering the circumstances, but he hoped that Byeongkwan would hear it. That he would hear it and understand that he, Sehyoon, really cared so much about him. 

„Now let’s go, but let me remind you that if you only do so much to upset me he is not seeing the light of day again“. 

His words pierced like ice through Sehyoon’s skin and he was painfully reminded of the knife behind his back as Raven shoved him forwards, the blade digging into the fabric of his sweater. 

„No need to go anywhere“.

A clear, calm voice cut through the night, startling them. They all turned around, facing the intruder who stood a few meters away from them, one hand raised into the night. Something small and flashy dangled down from his palm: A key.  
And while Raven and his people were furrowing their brows, looking at the stranger, both Sehyoon’s and Byeongkwan’s jaws dropped. 

It was Donghun. 

Behind him, Sehyoon saw the familiar contours of a pitch black vehicle, the scene suddenly bathed in blinding light as the headlights were turned on. He cursed internally for now he had dragged Donghun and Chan into this mess as well, but he had to act quickly. 

So he paced over to Donghun, using the surprise of the situation to his advantage, who handed him the key. For a short moment, their eyes met, but Donghun’s expression was indifferent. 

„Get him, Wow“, he muttered, before taking a step back. 

Quickly, he was surrounded by more of Raven’s people, even though they didn’t touch him. For now, it seemed to suffice that he was being watched. Chan on the other hand was nowhere to be seen and Sehyoon hoped that he was safe as he opened the door to the driver’s seat. His fingers were shaking as he clutched the handle, his heartbeat quickening as he slowly let himself fall into the usual position behind the steering wheel.

Through his windshield, Sehyoon saw how Donghun was being pushed over to Byeongkwan and he begged for them to make it out unharmed.  
Donghun had always told him to quit, had told him on every occasion just how much he disapproved of what Sehyoon was doing. And Sehyoon would be lying if he said he’d enjoyed it.  
The races, yes, the feeling upon victory was the kick he had been living for, but everything else had been frightening. 

And it was all Raven’s fault, for he had turned Sehyoon’s life into this nightmare on that very night five years ago.

The night of the accident, where his family had died.

Memories were welling up in him, pictures of his sister smiling brightly, his parents patting his back in a praising manner. They were swirling and boiling inside the box, threatening to overflow and drown him in the withheld flood. 

The howling of an engine next to him snapped him out of his trance.

„You know the route, to the towers and back“, Raven said smugly, way too relaxed in his seat, one hand loosely hanging out the window. Sehyoon just nodded, his knuckles turning white as he held onto the steering wheel.  
He knew that route by heart, knew the shortcuts and crossings, the obstacles and twists. He could do this. This was the one chance to redeem himself, the last chance to prove his skills, his worth.  
The last chance for revenge.  
But this time, it wasn’t just his family haunting his mind, but also his friends.  
Donghun, Chan, Jun.  
And Byeongkwan, who had kept him company, who had listened to his worries, who had seen right through his armor into his heart.  
Byeongkwan, who had laughed and danced with him.  
Byeongkwan who had brought so much brightness into his life.

„I’ll protect you“, Sehyoon muttered, closing his eyes, trying to even his breathing.

_Breathe in_.

The route started off leaving the city, into the sparsely lit streets of the countryside.

_Breathe out._

There were a few old trails leading through a forest that could serve as a shortcut.

_Breathe in._

The towers awaited surrounded by fields that were barren at this time of year. Watch out for sudden winds.

_Breathe out._

Leaving the towers behind, back towards the skyline.

_Breathe in._

The old bridge, risky but a priceless shortcut if needed.

_Silence._

For a short moment, the night seemed to hold it’s breath.

A gunshot pierced through the dark, almost entirely masking the sound of the two cars speeding off with howling engines, leaving a cloud of dust and dirt in their wake. 

There were countless possible routes to the towers, but only two came into consideration when racing.  
One route promised to be faster, using parts of the city’s streets and highways, but that always came with a huge risk of exposure. The other route went through the countryside where the roads were probably in a worse state and involved more turns, but especially at this time of day there was barely any traffic. 

Raven immediately took the first turn towards the highway, running over a red light while Sehyoon kept on steering his car further out of the city. Driving all alone was risky, not knowing how far behind or in the lead he was, but it was also calming. And the latter had proven to be the best for him, having won a large majority of his races more or less in solitude. 

The roads were just barely illuminated but luckily, they were deserted as well.  
As if on silent wings, Sehyoon flew through the darkness, the road in front of him and his hands on the wheel the only things on his mind.  
At some point in time, the moon had broken through the thick layer of clouds, casting patterns of cold silver light onto the road. It was almost hypnotizing, but once Sehyoon broke out of the forest and onto the wide fields, the image withheld a stunning peacefulness: The world seemed to be covered in a thin layer of ice and light, silencing all sounds, allowing Sehyoon to breathe freely. 

Suddenly his world had expanded from a narrow road to a broad plain, stretching out to the horizon. And at the center, there were the towers, slowly growing into the night sky as he flew towards them, looming yet inviting. 

The towers was the name of an abandoned nuclear plant, the two cooling towers visible on the horizon from afar. The area around them was deserted, making it the ideal nest for all kinds of suspicious activity. Sehyoon had never been inside though, only driven around the base of one of the giant constructions as a turning point.  
One of the towers was just staring to take up his whole field of vision as a motion in his rear mirror distracted him.  
Two little light points had appeared behind him and were approaching quickly. Holding his breath, Sehyoon stepped further onto the gas, wanting to maintain his lead.  
His lead.  
He was leading. 

_This is good_, he told himself, ignoring his pacing heartbeat. 

_Now just keep it up. _

Tires were screeching as Sehyoon quickly turned the steering wheel around, sliding smoothly around the base or the tower. Raven was still on his heels, but the distance between them hadn’t decreased further and that gave Sehyoon confidence.  
A few heartbeats later, the towers were already behind him and he started speeding back to where shimmering lights turned the night sky dull.

The way back involved a second check point, forcing the competitors to take a detour around the city instead of just driving back the way they came. This landmark was the docks down by the river, just before they would drive the final meters through the city, back to where they started. 

Unless you knew about the bridge. Sehyoon couldn’t help but grin as he drifted around a corner, making sure to leave Raven’s windshield covered in dirt.

* * *

Byeongkwan had stopped shivering a while ago. Now his body was feeling heavy and cold, he wanted to curl up on the ground, close his eyes and pretend he would finally wake up from this nightmare.  
Donghun was standing next to him, glancing over to him every now and then with worried eyes, his hands fidgeting as if he wanted to reach out to Byeongkwan. 

Which he couldn’t, as they were being held hostage, the tall man looking down on their every move. Occasionally, the blade of the knife flickered when he turned it around, playing with it. 

Byeongkwan’s legs were close to giving in, his mind having shut down long ago, when he felt strong arms grabbing him from behind once more. It hurt, but the pain didn’t quite reach him as everything just felt dull and cold. Donghun seemed to be fully alert though, as he started protesting. 

„Where are you taking us?“, he snapped, glaring at his capturers with fierce eyes. One of the goons just grinned dumbly. 

„To the finish line“, he said, before lifting Donghun up in the air as if he was a ragdoll. The man in the suit smiled coldly, his lips so thin as if someone had cut them with a knife into his face. 

„We thought you would want to witness how he forfeits your fate“. 

„He won’t“, Byeongkwan hissed, his voice barely audible. The man raised an eyebrow, looking at him amusedly. 

„Oh how is it that you’re so sure? It’s his fault after all that you’re in this pitiful situation“. 

But Byeongkwan remained quiet, letting himself be carried away. It was his fault, everything. 

„Don’t worry, Byeongkwan“, Donghun called out to him, earning him a punch in his side that made him groan. 

But Byeongkwan just averted his gaze, looking down at the smeared reflection of the sky in the puddles beneath his feet.

* * *

Floodlights and tower cranes in the distance foretold their soon arrival at the docks.  
Sehyoon was sweating as he was still in the lead, but Raven was almost level with him. Usually, he would have slowed down, since there often were workers around the docks even at night, but he couldn’t let Raven take over.  
And so he urged himself to go faster, his foot glued to the gas pedal, his eyes focused straight on the road in front of him. He begged that no one would cross their path, that no sudden obstacle would appear. 

Usually, these kinds of situations would be thrilling, the danger and uncertainty giving him a rush. 

But tonight, he wasn’t doing it for the adrenaline. He needed to win this one, this last race and every distraction could be fatal. 

He was tensing up, palms getting sweaty as he clutched the steering wheel even tighter, eyes flickering to and fro between the way in front of him and the side view mirror where Raven was slowly but steadily approaching.  
Sehyoon cursed, yanking the steering wheel around, skittering around a corner and further towards the city. 

Before him, the old bridge came into view, barely illuminated and rusty. He forced himself to breathe deeply, getting his mind back to focus. 

The bridge was his chance.

* * *

When Byeongkwan was being dropped to his feet, his knees gave in and he stumbled to the ground.  
He felt cold pavement underneath his fingers, rough and sharp-edged stones digging into his skin. The stench of oil and rotting seaweed told him that the docks couldn’t be far and indeed, the opposite bank of the river was entirely taken up by containers bathed in floodlight. 

In front of him, though, an old bridge creaked in the nightly winds, barrier tape fluttering all over. 

Coming from the docks, the bridge had once clearly been the fastest way to get to the factory, but considering it’s state it had been abandoned long ago. Probably around the same time as the factory. 

They stood in the shadows of a large brick wall building, their position allowing them to oversee the docks at the opposite side and the old bridge.  
A howling sound in the distance caught Byeongkwan’s attention and as he raised his head, he could see two pairs of lights speeding towards the labyrinth of containers. 

„Lean back and enjoy the show“, grinned the man in the suit. 

It felt as if a cold fist had grabbed Byeongkwan’s insides and he turned to Donghun whose eyes told of the panic raging inside of him.

* * *

Raven was now just inches behind Sehyoon, the hood of his car level with his seat. He was tempted to take a look, just turn his head to see if Raven was just suffering as much as he did, but he needed to keep his eyes on his goal. The bridge was right there, strips of barrier tape fluttering in the dark and behind it the tempting prospect of victory. 

And with victory, there was Byeongkwan waiting for him.

_A quick turn to the right, maneuvering around a stack of containers._

He thought of the night when he had taken Byeongkwan with him to the races. 

_Turn right again and then left - Cutting Raven off just a little. _

Byeongkwan was awaiting him at the finish line, jumping and cheering and glowing like a sun in the middle of the night. 

_One final turn to the right, upwards. Towards the bridge. _

Byeongkwan running towards him, jumping into his arms - 

The sound of the barrier tape hitting his windshield and ripping startled Sehyoon for a second, but he kept pressing on. He was on the bridge which meant that he was almost there, once on the other side it would only be a few turns until the finish, only a few turns until it all would be finally ov- 

A loud crash pierced through the night, followed by the ugly screeching of metal against metal.  
Instinctively, Sehyoon hit the brakes as hard as he could, yanking the steering wheel around, away from the abyss beneath the bridge. Another crashing sound left his ears ringing as he felt his body shuddering from the impact, he wanted to focus, gain back control but all he found was swirling colors and exploding sounds all around him. 

He wanted to reach out, grab the steering wheel, but up was down and down was up, his arms no longer obeying his commands, he tried to scream as all air was pressed from his lungs but his silent scream was lost in the thunder around him before the darkness enveloped his mind.

* * *

Byeongkwan screamed the second Raven crashed with all his might into Sehyoon’s car, trapping him between himself and the railing of the bridge. 

The events were a blur of screeching sounds and flashing colors, Sehyoon must have somehow countered Raven’s attack as his car was turning, crashing back into Raven’s which sent both vehicles tumbling around like empty tin cans, spinning and flying as if some invisible giant was kicking them around. 

Byeongkwan’s arms moved on their own, freeing himself of his capturer’s grasp with unknown strength as his legs were carrying him to the bridge as fast as they could. 

„Sehyoon!“, he screamed, over and over again until his throat hurt and he couldn’t breathe but he didn’t stop running until the scene fully unfolded in front of him: Sehyoon’s car was lying on it’s roof, bent and wrecked and smoking, the windows nothing but a white, pulvery mess that formed an unreal contrast to the dark red liquid seeping out from underneath the wreckage. 

„Sehyoon!“, Byeongkwan cried again, tumbling forwards and falling onto his knees, trying to get the door open. Through the smashed window, he could see a flash of white hair that was already starting to get stained by the blood. 

„No, Sehyoon, please!“

Byeongkwan’s hands were shaking as his whole body convulsed with sobs, he tried to reach for Sehyoon through the broken glass, not noticing how the sharp edges cut into his skin. Hot tears were overflowing his cheeks and taking his vision, his pulse was drumming in his ears as he broke down in front of the wreckage, one hand desperately reaching out for the man he had run away from all these hours ago. 

It seemed like a different lifetime. 

He didn’t notice the warm hands on his waist, pulling him up into a standing position.  
He didn’t notice the flickering blue lights and howling sirens around them as he was being laid down onto something soft.  
He didn’t notice Chan’s worried face as he took his hand, climbing with him into the back of the ambulance. 

And most of all he didn’t realize the break in the bridge’s railing where the second car had fallen into the river.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *inserts dramatic music*
> 
> Just keep in mind, this is not the final chapter! There are still some questions that need to be answered.  
What did really happen between Raven and Sehyoon? What will happen to Donghun, Chan and Junhee? Will Byeongkwan be alright?
> 
> And what about Sehyoon?
> 
> I hope you'll look forward to it and thank you for reading! <3


	11. Chapter 11

They say that your life passes in front of your eye the moment you die. 

As Sehyoon fell into the darkness, his body going from numb to weightless, the box opened, relesing all those memories into the open. They washed over him like a flood, bathing him in the waves that one by one told him his own story. 

* * *

_The room underneath the roof is bathed in the warm sunlight of a late summer evening, the scent of warmth and ripening fruits blowing in through the opened window. _

_Sehyoon is standing in front of a canvas, having not only the white plain in front of him but also himself covered in colorful spots and smears. _

_There’s a soft knock on the door, his sister leaning into his room, calling him down for dinner. She smiles brightly as she sees Sehyoon’s painting and laughs as she sees that her older brother himself looks like one of his colorful pictures. She urges him to change his clothes, promising to keep the stained shirt a secret. _

_Sehyoon smiles at her, ruffling through her hair. _

* * *

_Loud music is filling the room, along with a bunch of unfamiliar people. Sehyoon is nervous and hides behind his mother as she talks to the dance teacher. _

_Even after his mother has left, he hides in the corner, only slowly joining the other kids in learning the choreography for the school’s anniversary celebration. But he likes it, moving his body to the rythm, and is quickly put into the center position by the dance teacher. _

_Weeks later, his parents and his sister smile at him from a crowd of people as he is standing on the makeshift stage in the gym of his school, a warm happiness filling him whole._

* * *

_Sehyoon is dancing.  
It is years later, the ceremony of his graduation, and he has choreographed a dance for the occasion together with a few of his classmates. Suddenly, he isn’t feeling shy anymore, the countless faces in the crowd no longer intimidating but encouraging. _

_Because he loves what he is doing, and he knows he’s good at it. _

_They bow as they finish, having earned a round of applause from the audience, but Sehyoon quickly finds the eyes of his family between the other people. As always, his sister is smiling. He knows she’s proud of him, as are his parents. He is sure that this day will be one of the happiest in his life. _

_The graduation celebration is over and Sehyoon is in the car, sitting on the back seat with his sister. He’s still enthusiastic, talking and dreaming about both the past and the future. Now, he has to make up his mind on what he wants to become, and there are so many ideas on his mind. His sister is supporting him in each and every one of them, even suggesting things herself. _

_„You should be an artist, Sehyoon“, she says, talking about the paintings Sehyoon always made in his free time. _

_„Or you could be a dancer, the best dancer in the world!“ _

_She laughs and their father turns around, looking at the two of them. He’s driving while their mother has fallen asleep on the passenger seat. _

_„Be a little more quiet, your mother is sleeping“, he scolds, though not fully sincere.  
Sehyoon nods and his father turns his head back to the road when a flashing light takes their sight, followed by a heavy impact that presses the air out of his lungs and turns the world black. _

* * *

_Sehyoon is silent as he feels strong arms lifting him off the ground.  
His head hurts so bad, his body feels limp and there is something warm trickling down his temple. As he is being carried away, he sees the wreckage of a car laying on it’s side, the windshield covered in cracks. _

__My family!_, he thinks, wanting to tell whoever is holding him to go back, to not leave them in there to die, but he is so weak. _

_„H-help them“, he mumbles, head sinking down, eyelids feeling heavier with every passing second. But the man carrying him remains quiet until he stops in front of a dark silhouette. _

_„All dead but the boy here“, he grunts, adjusting Sehyoon’s limp body on his shoulder. There is a moment of silence before another voice replies._

_„We’re taking him. I can’t have any witnesses“._

_A stinging pain spreads through Sehyoon’s body as the wreckage slides out of view and with it the bodies of his parents and sister underneath. He wants to cry, fight back, run over to them but his body won’t listen. Instead, his eyelids are falling down, enveloping him in a numb darkness. _

* * *

_When Sehyoon awakes again, he is in a small room with an iron door. It’s dark and musty, the mattress he’s laying on stained and torn. His head is throbbing with pain as he sits up, his whole body feeling like rusty gears. Carefully, he lifts his hand to touch his temple, but instead of pale skin he finds the crusty texture of dried blood. For a moment, he trembles, but then his mind darkens.  
He wants nothing more than to get out of this hole and find his family, he is sure they will survive if he only finds them. And so he stumbles to the door, leaning against it with his whole body to open it. _

_Now, he’s standing inside a large hall with a high ceiling, dust flying in the rays of sunlight falling in through the windows. A few men are standing in a circle, behind them a damaged looking car. As he approaches, they turn around; some amused, some surprised._

_„Look who is already awake“, one of them snarls and Sehyoon recognizes the voice, it’s the shadow from the night before. _

_„Where am I? Where are my parents and my sister?“, Sehyoon demands to know but he senses his anger is not being taken seriously. Still, he clenches his fists as the man approaches. _

_„They’re dead“, he says plainly, not even looking Sehyoon in the eye. „And I am keeping you out of pity. You should be thankful you’re still alive“. _

_„Let me go!“, Sehyoon protests but the man just smirks. _

_„I don’t think so, Sehyoon. That’s your name, isn’t it? Where would you want to go? You no longer have a home. And I am feeling generous today, so I am willing to grant you a new life here. That is, if you do as I say“. _

_Sehyoon just glares at him, the hate boiling up inside him giving him new energy. _

_„I don’t want to be a murderer like you!“, he shouts, punching the man with all his might in the guts. Then, the world is going dark again as something hard and heavy hits his head. _

_The next time Sehyoon opens his eyes, the door of the small room is locked, but he finds a pot of water and some bread beside his mattress. Also, there’s a bandage around his head. He looks at himself in the dull reflection of the metal door, almost not recognizing himself. He feels more dead than alive, and that’s what he looks like as well._

* * *

_While in the first days Sehyoon was filled with anger, he is now filled with a crushing sadness that weighs heavily on his heart._  
_He can’t stop thinking of his family, the grief is clouding his mind as he lays on the old mattress. He doesn’t know how many days have passed, his hurt body barely recovering with the minimum of nutrition and care he recieves.  
But the sadness numbs all other sensations, the energy long drained from his being. _

_Sometimes, he gets out of his room, always accompanied by a different guard.  
Sometimes, he meets the man that calls himself Raven, who over and over again offers him to become one of his henchmen to end his misery. But Sehyoon declines, over and over again and each time he does, they try to break him more and more. _

_It’s not only physical but also mental torture and slowly, Sehyoon is starting to fade. _

* * *

_Sehyoon has learned much in the past months.  
He has learned that Raven is not only a famous competitor in a scene of illegal racers, but also in control of several criminal gangs around the whole city. He has connections everywhere and is both respected and feared. _

_And Sehyoon needs to take revenge._

_During his sleepless nights, he works out a plan, he curls himself up, locks all emotions and memories of his past away. They are distracting, weakening. He needs to work it all out perfectly, since it’s his only chance of escape. _

* * *

_The handle of the knife weighs heavily in his hands as Sehyoon leans against the old metal door, listening for the soft breathing of the guard outside.  
Once he is sure that the man outside is sleeping, he takes the piece of wire out of his pocket, fumbling with the lock of the door. He has practiced this countless times, so he doesn’t need too long until the lock clicks and he knows he’s free. _

_With silent steps, he sneaks past the sleeping man and into the large hall, towards an open window on the side. He has opened it himself earlier that day and luckily noone has bothered to close it, even though the temperatures were drastically falling at night in autumn. The windowsill has just the perfect height for him to push himself up and throw his legs through the window, falling onto the ground outside with a muffled groan. His body is still weak and every move hurts, but he clenches his teeth, knowing that after tonight, everything will be over, one way or another. _

_He sneaks over to the fence bordering the compound, staying in the shadows of the old factory.  
Behind a few bushes, he crouches down, pulling the knife out of his sleeve. _

_It’s tideous work but slowly, the wires of the fence are falling apart one by one until Sehyoon can pull them apart, creating a hole just large enough for him to squeeze through. Getting on all fours, he is just about to crawl to his freedom when his ankles are being yanked backwards. _

_He doesn’t scream even though it feels like his legs are broken and instead blindly stabs with the knife in the direction of his capturer.  
The man behind him groans, releasing one of his ankles and instead grabbing Sehyoon’s wrist with his big, meaty hand. But Sehyoon is quicker, switching hands and stabbing again into the dark behind him as the man twists his wrist in a painful way. Another groan tells him that he has hit something and with all his strength, he pushes the man away who falls to the ground with a loud thump. _

_The adrenaline is kicking in and Sehyoon doesn’t turn back, he squeezes through the fence, one of the wires ripping open the wound on his head, and runs off into the night._

* * *

_Everything around him is white. He is surrounded by a comfortable warmth, his body feeling weightless. Just as Sehyoon starts to wonder wether he has died, a warm, friendly voice starts talking to him. But his mind is still too clouded to understand the words, but something tells him that he is safe and so he closes his eyes again, for the first time in months falling into a deep sleep. _

_Later, Sehyoon learns that the owner of the voice is a man called Lee Donghun who had found him on the night he escaped and brought him to the hospital. Donghun is nice and friendly and he offers to take care of Sehyoon, since apparently no one knows who he is or where he belongs._  
_And Sehyoon can’t tell him, because he is afraid.  
Afraid of releasing the pain he tried to lock away for so long. _

_And so he remains quiet most of the time, it takes days for him to finally talk to Donghun. But Donghun seems to understand, never pressuring him to talk about his past.  
Slowly, Sehyoon gets settled in his new life, but he hasn’t forgotten about his plans. _

_His revenge. _

* * *

_His reflection in the mirror stares at him indifferently. If Sehyoon didn’t know it, he wouldn’t believe that this image was a reflection of himself. His hair had the color of snow, a bone white cloud around his face. Pulling a mask over his face, he smirked. This was good. He did not ever want to be recognized. _

_„Am I getting this right? You want to race tonight instead of me?“_

_The bearded man in front of Sehyoon raised an eyebrow. Sehyoon just nodded, hiding his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. _

_„I won’t lose“, he said briskly, firmly holding the eye contact. The man nodded, shoving a key over to Sehyoon across the table. _

_„You said you got ways to get some parts. You will need to run errands for me, boy“.  
Sehyoon tensed, but firmly grabbed the keys. This was his only way to get to Raven for his revenge: Join the races and gain enough respect that he could one day challenge him. _

_And defeat him. _

* * *

_The feeling of triumph was addicting. Sehyoon raised his fist into the sky, leaning out the open window of his car, letting the wave of cheers wash over him. Those were the moments he lived for in all those years since his first race and he couldn’t get enough. _

_His eyes scanned the crowd, seeing some of the other racers, some people waving bundles of money they apparently just won by betting on him, some rather lightly dressed girls throwing glances in his direction.  
And there, at the roadside, beside the crowd - Sehyoon blinked, trying to focus on the two silhouettes that were quickly disappearing out of view. _

_One of them had flaming red hair, but it was the other who had caught his eye. He looked so out of place, way too bright in all this darkness, way too innocent to be in a place like this. _

* * *

_Sehyoon crouched down, offering one hand to the boy that was laying on the sidewalk as the two harrassers disappeared around the next corner. His heart clenched, the other reminding him so much of his helplessness all those years ago. The boy’s hand was cold and trembling as he grabbed Sehyoon’s warm one, lifting his head up to look him in the eye.  
Sehyoon knew that face. He knew this boy. _

_This boy who had suddenly turned on a bright light in his soul. _

_Who had made him laugh, who had made him feel comfortable, who had broken the shell he had been isolating himself in. _

_Who had made him feel things that he couldn’t quite grasp. _

_Who was screaming his name, over and over again, as darkness started to envelop his mind. _

_„Byeongkwan!“, Sehyoon screamed, wanting to reach out._  
_He couldn’t be dying now that Byeongkwan called for him, he had to fight it, push back the numb feeling taking hold of his body. There was a light in the distance and he was crawling, walking, running towards it.  
It got brighter and brighter, and suddenly he saw the outlines of several people, guiding him on his way. There were his parents and his sister, smiling as proudly as on the last day he had seen them. There were Junhee and Yuchan, waving at him from the distance. Donghun, who reached out his hand. And Byeongkwan who was calling his name, over and over again - _

„Byeongkwan!“, Sehyoon gasped, voice dying in his throat as he opened his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone thought I'd let Sehyoon die: I could never do that to my marshmallow!  
Writing this was already stressful enough.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a mess, this chapter is a mess, I hope you enjoy <3

When Byeongkwan woke up, everything around him felt fuzzy. His body was feeling numb, wrapped tightly into plain white bedsheets and his vision was still blurry as he blinked, trying to make sense of everything going on around him. 

Turning his head, he was met with the vague silhouettes of Junhee and Chan, looking at him with worried expressions. 

„You’re finally awake!“, Chan exclaimed, pulling Byeongkwan into a hug. „They really did have to give you a lot of tranquilizers“. 

„Wha“- Byeongkwan started to ask, but slowly, his memory snapped back into place. The old factory, the race, the crash. 

_The crash. Sehyoon. _

„Sehyoon!“, Byeongkwan called out, suddenly wide awake. He sat up straight in his hospital bed, looking around furiously. 

He turned to Jun and Chan, who looked at him in surprise. 

„Sehyoon, where is he? Oh my god, is he alive? Please tell me he is alive!“ 

Byeongkwan was just about to stand up when Jun gently but firmly pushed him down again. 

„He’s on the intensive care unit. He’s got some pretty bad injuries but they are saying he’ll make it“, he explained as calmly as he could. 

All color drained from Byeongkwan’s face as he let his head fall back into the pillow. 

„What happened? I - I only remember seeing the crash and running onto that damned bridge. Where’s Donghun?“ Byeongkwan’s eyes went wide as he asked the last question. 

Chan smiled, taking his hand and rubbing his thumb over his palm in a comforting manner. 

„He’s at the police department now, making his statement. It was all his plan, you know?“ 

Byeongkwan just blinked at him, not understanding a thing. Jun sighed, pulling a chair up to them and sitting down, one arm around Chan’s shoulders. 

„You might as well tell him now“, he said encouragingly. Chan just nodded, looking at his best friend. 

„Donghun and me accompanied Sehyoon as he came in searching for you. He drove to that old factory, giving Donghun his keys and telling us to stay where we were while he would be looking for you. I had a very suspicious feeling back then and so did Donghun, because after a while, he decided we should follow Sehyoon. And just as he had predicted, he was challenging this Raven to a race. That was our chance for a surprise moment, so I sneaked out of the car and called the police, explaining the whole situation. Also, Donghun had his phone with him so I could see his location, which is why I knew you were going to the bridge. So just after Raven tried to - tried to“ - 

Chan’s voice faltered for a moment and he swallowed before continuing. 

„So just after the accident, a whole fleet of police cars and several ambulances surrounded the scene, taking your capturers by surprise. But you were already off to the bridge and, well… they had to inject you some tranquilizers right there before they could even get you into the ambulance. I stayed with you, but I saw them getting Sehyoon out of his car before we left“. 

Byeongkwan just blinked, mouth hanging open as he tried to process all this information. 

„And why is Donghun at the police station now?“, he finally asked. 

Chan chuckled, his eyes lighting up. 

„Apparently, this Raven and his gangs are the key to a whole network of unsolved crimes around the city, including the death of the Kim family and the disappearance of their son five years ago. They will pay for all they did, Kwan“. 

Byeongkwan should have been happy to hear those news.  
He should have been proud and thankful that Donghun and Chan probably saved his and Sehyoon’s life, but all he could think of was Sehyoon. He surely had committed crimes over the past. What was going to happen to him? What was Donghun telling the police?  
Jun seemed to read his mind, as he reached out to place one hand on his arm, looking him in the eye. 

„Don’t worry“, he said, softly squeezing his arm. „It will be alright. There will be someone coming in to question you as well, but you should rest a little more. I don’t know much about law, but I think whatever you and Donghun have to say about Sehyoon, it will be in favor of him. All that matters now is that you both recover well“. 

„I want to see him“, Byeongkwan muttered, taking his arm away from Jun’s touch. 

„You need rest“, the older insisted. 

„No, I need to see him! That he’s alive!“ Byeongkwan’s voice was getting louder, but just as he was about to throw away the covers and run away, a nurse came into the room, pressing him back down into a laying position. With a calm smile, she opened the infusion that was still connected to a vein in Byeongkwan’s arm and the boy immediately started to relax again. 

„He should rest some more“, she told Chan an Jun. „He mustn’t get upset now, or he’ll most likely get another panic attack“. 

That was the last thing Byeongkwan heard before he drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

The next time Byeongkwan woke up, it was late in the afternoon. The light pouring in from the outside was a warm gold, illuminating the empty room. Still drowsy, he reached for the call button next to his bed and soon, the nurse reentered his room. 

„Feeling better?“, she asked, smiling friendly as she checked his vitals. Byeongkwan nodded, he really did feel better. But he also thought that he couldn’t stay in this hospital bed for much longer. 

„Can I get up? I really want to talk to my friends“, he asked, slowly sitting up. The nurse nodded, removing the infusion and placing a bandage over the small puncture. 

„We will keep you here just until tomorrow, for supervision“, she told him, fixing a blue paper band around his wrist. Byeongkwan sighed, but at least he would be closer to Sehyoon that way. He was still itching to see him, but first he needed to find Jun or Chan or Donghun. Preferrably all three of them. 

Luckily, someone (he suspected Chan, that lifesaver) had put some fresh clothes into the wardrobe next to his bed so he changed out of his hospital pyjamas into jeans and a sweater, making his way downstairs.

Just as he had assumed, he found Chan and Jun in the cafeteria, bathing in the last warming rays of sunshine of the day. Their eyes lit up as they saw him, Chan jumping up and hugging him tightly. 

„I’m so glad you’re feeling better“, he murmured into Byeongkwan’s sweater before looking at him with shining eyes. 

„All thanks to you, Channie“, Byeongkwan smiled, taking a seat next to Jun at the table. The older immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulder before pointing at the menu. 

„I’ll get you something. What do you want? Coffee? Chocolate? Something to eat?“ 

„It’s okay, Jun, you don’t need to“, Byeongkwan tried to appease him, but his stomach growled and Jun pulled out his purse, standing up. 

„I’m getting you something right now and I’ll make sure you eat it all“, he announced before walking inside. 

For a moment, the two best friends just sat in silence, listening to the sound of crisp leaves rustling in the wind. It was almost peaceful.  
Until Byeongkwan spoke up, the many questions and _what ifs_ coming back up again. 

„Have you seen him?“, he asked quietly, squinting at Chan against the light. His hair looked as if it was on fire.  
Chan just shook his head, leaning back in his chair. 

„We first wanted to, but couldn’t since he was still in surgery. And then, we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it alone. You and Donghun should be there, too. And…“ 

He swallowed, chewing on his lip. Then he looked Byeongkwan in the eye, clearly unsure on how to continue. 

„They said he still hasn’t woken up. It may take a while, even days, but they said he’ll make it. He’s also probably still under the anaesthetics from the surgery, they said they would only slowly decrease his medication to relieve him from the pain“. 

Byeongkwan’s head hung low, a lump forming in his throat. 

„I still want to see him. I’ll have to stay here until tomorrow anyways“, he mumbled. 

„We’ll go together then“, Jun chimed in, putting a bowl of soup and a pot of steaming hot chocolate in front of Byeongkwan. 

„Donghun just texted me, he’s done making his statement and coming over. If you want to, we can all go together“. Jun was smiling so encouragingly at Byeongkwan that he couldn’t help but feel a little better, especially with the taste of chocolate in his mouth.

* * *

When Donghun arrived, he was looking even more tired and sad than usual and even Jun’s overly affectionate hug couldn’t do much against it. He managed a weak smile as he greeted Byeongkwan, expressing his relief over the fact that he was in good health. 

„How did it go?“, Jun asked, still holding Donghun in his arms as he pushed him down into a sitting position next to him. Donghun just sighed, pushing his hair out of his face. 

„I told them everything I knew. It’s going to be a bit… complicated since I had no idea that he had been a missing case for all those years. His parents and his sister died in a car accident back then and Sehyoon was taken captive by Raven’s people so he wouldn’t talk, he must have escaped somehow the night that I found him. After a while I just… stopped wondering where he had come from. I could have never imagined what trouble that would cause one day“. 

„You saved his life, Hun“, Junhee said, squeezing his shoulder. „You did nothing wrong. It’ll all be fine, trust me“. 

Donghun just averted his gaze. 

„I always knew that someday, this kid would be trouble. Sometimes I hoped for something to happen to make him accept that he needs to stop, that he doesn’t need to live his life like this. What if they lock him up, Jun? I should have taken better care of him“. 

Donghun was crying, but he didn’t show it. Instead, he just leaned onto Junhee’s shoulder, closing his eyes. 

„You did so much for him, Donghun hyung“, Byeongkwan whispered. „For all of us. I think I owe you my life now as well“. 

„Byeongkwan they - the police officer told me that you should also give your statement on the events. It’s important that they finally take Raven down. Or at least what’s left of his gang“. 

„What’s left?“, Byeongkwan asked, before realizing something. „Did Raven…?“

„Yes, he died last night. His car fell of the bridge, they pulled his corpse out of the water this morning“, Chan said quietly. 

Byeongkwan just nodded, confused on how to feel about that.  
He should be happy, relieved that the man who had made Sehyoon and so many others suffer was gone from this world. He died in his attempt of what should have been Sehyoon’s death, but now Sehyoon was alive and he was not. Sehyoon probably would be relieved to hear that, knowing that after all these years he got the revenge he had yearned for.  
But would he have wanted him to die?  
Byeongkwan shook his head, trying to get rid of his thoughts. He cupped his mug of hot chocolate, gulping down the rest of the dark brown liquid. 

„I want to go see him“, he whispered, standing up. He looked around, from Donghun to Junhee to Chan. 

„I’ll come with you“, Chan said, joining him at his side. 

„So do we“, Donghun added, pulling Junhee along.

* * *

The intense care unit smelled like disinfectant and death, the atmosphere making Byeongkwan want to throw up.  
But he ignored the repulsive feeling in his gut, following one of the nurses into one of the rooms down the hallway. Sehyoon was laying in the bed next to the window, several displays next to him beeping and buzzing. Tears welled up in Byeongkwan’s eyes as he saw him, but still he started walking faster until he reached his bedside. 

Sehyoon’s face was swollen and there were several bruises all over his skin, a set of tubes connecting him to the apparatus beside his bed. One of his hands was laying atop the covers and Byeongkwan immediately took it, his thumb stroking softly over the other’s skin. The nurse turned to him after noting their visit down on her clipboard. 

„We’re still giving him anaesthetics to give his body more time to heal, so he won’t be waking up for a while“, she explained. „But it looks like there will be no permanent damage. Broken bones can heal and luckily, his brain seems to be unharmed“. 

Byeongkwan managed a weak _Thank you_, before turning his eyes back to Sehyoon’s face. 

„Talk to him if you want to, sometimes it’s incredible what we experience subconsciously“, the nurse added with a smile before leaving to tend to the other patients. 

„Sehyoon“, Byeongkwan murmured, still not letting go of the other’s hand. It was warm underneath his touch and suddenly it wasn’t so hard anymore to imagine that Sehyoon was indeed just sleeping. 

„You’ll wake up again. Did you hear that? No permanent damage“. He chuckled a little, listening to Sehyoon’s deep, calm breaths. _He’s sleeping_, he told himself over and over again, _he’s just sleeping_. 

„So please wake up soon, it smells like death in here. And you’re not dying, Sehyoon, not as long as I’m here with you“. 

„And also not while I’m here“, Donghun added, standing behind Byeongkwan. „If I’d only known what you had to endure… I’ll promise to be a better brother to you in the future“. 

They both turned around upon hearing a loud sniffing sound, just to see Junhee starting to sob into Chan’s shoulder. 

„We should really go now, for our mental stability’s sake“, Chan whispered, slowly walking with Jun in the direction of the exit. 

„You promised me no more terrifying hospital visits!“, Jun whined as soon as they were back outside. 

They guided Byeongkwan back to his room, Donghun promising to pick him up the next day when he was released.

* * *

„Mr. Kim Byeongkwan?“

A man in a white lab coat called after him as he was just about to leave the hospital with Donghun. Byeongkwan immediately turned around, puzzled as he saw the doctor walking towards him. 

„You’re needed on the intense care unit“, he said and Byeongkwan’s heart dropped. 

„Mr. Kim Sehyoon is waking up. And he called for you“. 

Suddenly, the terrifying smell of nothingness in the secluded hospital wing didn’t bother Byeongkwan in the slightest. He had to restrain himself from running as he made his way over to Sehyoon’s bed, Donghun following suit.

„Sehyoon!“, he called out, ignoring the fact that the nurse reminded him to be quiet. He almost stumbled over his own feet as he reached the bed, immediately taking Sehyoon’s hand. 

„Sehyoon“, he called him again, more calm this time. And indeed, Sehyoon’s eyes were open, still swollen and tired, but open as he turned his head ever so slightly to fixate Byeongkwan. 

„Byeongkwan“, Sehyoon whispered, voice barely audible, his mouth moving as if he was trying to smile. 

„Yes, it’s me, Sehyoon. I’m here“, Byeongkwan confirmed, squeezing his hand, smiling so brightly without being able to stop. Sehyoon squeezed his hand back, a sigh escaping his lips. 

„You were calling for me“, he said, putting all his energy in his attempt to speak. „You sounded so scared“. 

„But I’m not scared anymore“, Byeongkwan repiled, reaching out to push a strand of hair out of Sehyoon’s face, gently brushing his fingertips over the other’s forehead in the process. „Because you’re here“. 

„Byeongkwan, I’m so tired. So, so tired“.

„Then sleep, Sehyoon. I’ll come visit you again. And once you’re awake, I want to tell you something“. 

He smiled, stroking his cheek. Sehyoon softly leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. 

„I want to tell you something“, he echoed, and Byeongkwan wondered if he really meant it. 

„If the situation was any less dramatic, I’d be disgusted by your cheesiness“, Donghun commented, not able to hide his smile as well.

* * *

The following week was one of the most rushed in Byeongkwan’s entire life. He was being interviewed by several police officers and already recieved multiple summonings as a witness in court.  
Luckily, there was always someone with him, but most of the times it was Donghun since he was the one who was caught up the most in all this drama. He was so busy that Jun and Chan had to run the business in the meantime, which meant that Chan was missing several lectures in university. So he would spend the evenings with Byeongkwan, mostly in Jun’s or Donghun’s living room, somehow trying to make up for the missed content. 

In the meantime, Byeongkwan was visiting Sehyoon. Multiple times a day, if he could. Sometimes, he would just stay at the hospital, studying in the cafeteria while Sehyoon slept. 

The older was more and more awake each day and had finally been transferred from the ICU to a regular room with a regular bed. No more beeping monitors and no more hallways that smelled like death.  
It was almost inviting. 

But Sehyoon recovering also meant that the time when he himself would have to face his own trial came closer and closer.  
So when Byeongkwan was sitting on the edge of his bed that day, he decided to finally bring up the topic. 

Sehyoon was fully awake now, he was still sleeping much but the phases in between were getting longer and especially clearer each and every time.  
He couldn’t really move apart from sitting up, considering he had two broken ribs, but it was a huge improvement nontheless. Still, it bothered Byeongkwan that he couldn’t hug the other as tightly as he wanted to. 

„Sehyoon?“, Byeongkwan asked, immediately giving away that something was not right as he was rather watching his hands instead of the other. 

„Hmm?“, Sehyoon hummed, expectantly looking at Byeongkwan. 

„You know that the police will question you too, do you?“, he said hesitantly, hoping that Sehyoon would get what he was really hinting at. Because Sehyoon always understands him. 

„I know“, he says, turning his head to look out the window. „I should have known that I wouldn’t be getting away with all that for the rest of my life. I guess it’s time to stand up for myself“.

„Sehyoon, Rav- I mean _they_ said you killed someone. Is that true?“ Byeongkwan’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper. 

„I don’t know“, Sehyoon replied, furrowing his brows. „Yes, I hurt someone. Probably severely. Twice, actually. One time when I escaped and one time on the night when I got that scar“. He pointed at his cheek, where the thin slash of white was still visible.  
„I didn’t do it with the intention to kill. And I don’t know if anyone of them died because of the wounds I caused“. 

He took Byeongkwan’s hand and the younger turned to look at him. 

„I wish I could say that I regret it. But I wouldn’t be alive today if I didn’t do it. Are you disgusted by me now?“ Sehyoon sounded scared.

But Byeongkwan just smiled, intertwining their fingers. 

„When you were just waking up, I told you that I wanted to tell you something“, he murmured, heat rising up in his cheeks. „I told you I would tell you when you’re awake. And you seem pretty awake to me now, so I’ll just go for it now“. 

He felt his heart starting to beat faster, nervousness taking hold of him. Sehyoon just looked at him expectantly. 

„I could never be disgusted by you. And no matter what happens over the next weeks, I won’t ever be. Because I know the real you“. He softly poked Sehyoon’s chest, causing the older to smile. 

„Because I really like you, Sehyoon“. 

„I know you do“, Sehyoon said, a little confused. Byeongkwan chuckled. 

„No. I mean I _really, really like_ you“. 

And he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss onto Sehyoon’s lips.

It was nothing more than a short, sweet touch and Byeongkwan carefully pulled away, seeking his answer in Sehyoon’s eyes. The other had a slight shade of pink on his cheeks, having never looked more alive. And before Byeongkwan could say anything, Sehyoon placed one of his hands in his hair, crossing the little distance between them as he returned the kiss. 

„I almost feared you’d never do that again“, Byeongkwan said as they pulled apart to catch their breath, their foreheads resting against each other. 

„Really?“, Sehyoon smirked. „Then I’ll better make up for that“. 

He chuckled, then groaned in pain and held his ribs. Byeongkwan immediately let go of him, eyes wide with worry. 

„As much as I hate to say that, we’ll have to wait until I can breathe again without having the feeling of someone stabbing me in the chest“, he said, carefully sinking back down onto his pillow.

„What should I do, make sure you don’t laugh?“, Byeongkwan asked, a grin tugging at his lips. 

„Please never stop making me laugh, Byeongkwan“, Sehyoon just replied, taking his hand. 

„I thought you guys weren’t dating“, Chan announced, two heavy books in his arms and a pencil tugged behind his ear as he entered the room. Then he turned to face his best friend. 

„Since there’s apparently no chance you’re leaving this room anytime soon, you’ll just have to help me out with this problem here“. And he pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper with exercises, demanding Byeongkwan’s full attention while Sehyoon quietly watched them from his bed, stars shining in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember writing this chapter along with the one before and the last one in one go since I was so caught up emotionally in the story.  
Which might also be because I let some less enjoyable experiences I've had myself with hospitals flow into this one, but that's a different story. I even got emotional again while editing this.
> 
> The next (and last) chapter will be the epilogue so I want to thank you all for coming along until here <3


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. The epilogue. I hope you'll like it <3

„You ready?“, Donghun asked, tugging at Sehyoon’s tie and the jacket of his suit. Sehyoon just sighed, not knowing what to reply. Of course he wasn’t ready, but he had nothing to say in this. 

„We’ll all be there“, Byeongkwan tried to encourage him, squeezing his hand. „It’ll be fine. You’re going to tell them everything just as you told us. And Mrs. Moon is a great lawyer, you know that. Everything will go according to plan“.

Sehyoon gave Byeongkwan a weak smile, looking at his own reflection in the polished wall of the court’s hallway they were standing in. His hair was back to it’s natural black color, the scar on his cheek having faded almost entirely.  
It was unfamiliar seeing himself in the suit - it was one of Donghun’s, he had lended it to him for the occasion - but it gave him a little confidence. The Sehyoon staring back at him looked way closer to his real self already, there was a feeling of honesty about it all. 

A voice called him into the court room and he turned around, giving all of them a last glance. They weren’t allowed in the audience, since each of the four would make their statements as witnesses and would only enter the room when they were being called for. Sehyoon sought Byeongkwan’s eye contact before he entered, swallowing down his nervousness.

* * *

Later, Sehyoon couldn’t recall if the trial had gone for minutes or hours.  
It was all a dizzy blur in his memories, a mixture of the way too brightly lit courtroom, terminologies and phrases he didn’t understand and both pitiful and judging gazes from the audience. 

When he was asked about his version of his story, his voice sounded almost mechanical, as if someone else but him was speaking. But he told the judges everything, about the car crash and the months he was being held captive, about his desire for revenge.  
About his plan that the racing scene would be his way to get back to Raven and with it, his way deeper into shady deals and schemes.  
About how he had stolen parts from Donghun’s supply to trade them, paying off his debts to the man he had gotten the car from.  
And finally, about how he’d met Byeongkwan and how they’d taken him hostage to blackmail him, resulting in the events of the night where Raven had tried to kill him in a car crash as well. 

It felt odd, laying out his story bare and plain for everyone to see when he had tried to suppress and ignore it for so long, not even allowing himself to remember. Now it was strange, having his whole life story with all it’s dark sides and turns summed up in front of him. 

After that, Junhee, Yuchan, Donghun and finally Byeongkwan were called in one by one, being questioned on their recollections of the events. 

Mrs. Moon, the lawyer that had taken over Sehyoon’s case, did an amazing job and Sehyoon was glad that she did all the rest of the talking, so he could just sit and let the situation pass.

In the end, Sehyoon wasn’t sent to prison.  
Instead, he was sentenced to a fine and to stay under psychatric surveillance while also having his driver’s license taken away. But he couldn’t care less, all that mattered is that he was finally free, finally released from the past.

When the judge declared the trial to be over, he thanked Mrs. Moon over and over again, unable to find words to express his relief. But that’s what he had his friends for, who were glad to express their gratitude on his behalf. There was only one last thing he needed to know.

* * *

„We should celebrate this day“, Junhee announced as they were finally outside, grinning brighter than the cheshire cat. 

„With food“, Chan agreed, squeezing in between Donghun and Jun who were walking next to each other on the sidewalk. 

There was silence from Sehyoon and Byeongkwan and all three of them turned around simultaneously. 

„Just go ahead“, Sehyoon smiled, holding on to Byeongkwan’s hand. „I got one thing left to do. We’ll join you in no time“. 

„You want me to come with you?“, Byeongkwan asked softly, still not quite used to the amount of affection he was getting from the other. Not that he complained, after all they’ve been through. 

„Of course. That is, if you want to“. 

Instead of answering, Byeongkwan just rose to his tiptoes, giving Sehyoon a kiss. They were both smiling like the other was the sun. 

„Not in front of the child!“, Donghun protested, pretending to shield Chan’s eyes as they walked away. 

„He’s probably just jealous“, Sehyoon shrugged, walking into the opposite direction with Byeongkwan closely at his side.

* * *

With the passing weeks, the temperatures had fallen further, turning the outside world grey and colorless. Most of the trees around the cemetary had already lost all of their leaves, the bare branches reaching up into the cloudy sky. A few snowflakes passed by, getting caught in Sehyoon’s dark hair.  
He didn’t seem to freeze, though, having lent his scarf to Byeongkwan who had wrapped the soft fabric around his neck and up to his nose. 

„It’s odd“, Sehyoon said as they stared down onto the plain tombstone, simple letters carved into the otherwise smooth surface. „I actually never thought they would be buried somewhere. I think I believed they just disappeared from this world“. 

„Now you have a place to remember“, Byeongkwan said quietly. 

But Sehyoon shook his head. 

„I don’t want this dull place to remind me of them. I want to remember them like they were, but… It hurts so much thinking about it“. 

Byeongkwan hummed before letting go of his hand, kneeling down beside the grave. He took something out of his pocket and when he rose up again, a small candle was flickering inside a glass lantern, throwing spots of golden light onto the cold stone.  
He wrapped his arms around Sehyoon, head leaning against his shoulder, listening to the other’s quiet breaths. 

„Thank you“, Sehyoon whispered. 

„I would have bought flowers but you know, the season…“, Byeongkwan wanted to explain but Sehyoon shushed him with a gentle touch of his hand. 

„It’s perfect“. 

„Shall we go? Otherwise I fear that we won’t be getting any of the food“. 

Sehyoon smiled at Byeongkwan, nodding. 

Hand in hand, they walked back towards the gate, the small flickering light the only trace left of their visit.

* * *

** 3 months later **

When Chan showed up at Byeongkwan’s apartment (without invitation, again), he wasn’t even surprised anymore to find not only his best friend but also his boyfriend behind the door. 

„You could at least knock“, Byeongkwan scolded him from his place at the desk. 

„Yeah, Chan, what if you one day walk in on something?“ Sehyoon smirked, sitting up from the couch where he had been reading. Byeongkwan just threw a pen in his general direction which made the other laugh. 

„I really don’t need anymore details“, Chan said, pretending to shield his eyes as he walked inside. 

„So, what is it?“, Byeongkwan asked, making his way over to the couch and gesturing for Chan to sit down as well.  
Chan just sighed. 

„I’m getting kicked out for real this time. By next week, I’m officially homeless. So, help“. 

To his surprise, Sehyoon started chuckling, looking from him to Byeongkwan with sparkling eyes. 

„Oh, I think I know someone who’s renting a room“, he said, trying to sound dead sincere. Chan raised an eyebrow. 

„Who is it?“, he wanted to know. 

„I am not sure if I remember correctly“, Sehyoon scratched his head, „but I think his name was Lee Donghun“. 

For a moment, there was silence. Then, realization hit Chan and his jaw dropped while Byeongkwan and Sehyoon burst out with laughter. 

„You two are moving together?“, he asked, clapping his hands like a baby seal. Byeongkwan nodded, clinging to Sehyoon’s larger frame like a koala. 

„We’ll make do. And besides, Yoonie needs someone to take him home after dance class“. Sehyoon flinched at the nickname, but didn’t lose his proud smile. Chan’s mouth was still hanging open, mind trying to process the new information. 

„Sehyoon, does that mean…?“, he asked and Sehyoon proudly fished his newly acquired student ID out of his pocket. 

„I might as well start completely from scratch if I have the chance now“, he admitted a little shyly. 

„That’s so great, hyung, congratulations!“, Chan cheered, giving Sehyoon a hug that startled the older. Then, he furrowed his brows. 

„So, I am officially the third wheel now?“

Byeongkwan snorted. 

„You mean you aren’t already with Donghun and Junhee?“ 

„Don’t let him hear that!“, Sehyoon laughed. 

Chan just chimed in, his bright laughs probably being heard throughout the whole building. After all, he couldn’t say he regretted pulling Byeongkwan along to the race that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it until here, that probably means that you've read the entire story. You are awesome! 
> 
> I can't thank you all enough for joining me on this journey. Especially those of you leaving comments: it was so unbelievably motivating to hear what you thought about the story!  
I was actually quite anxious about uploading it since it's my first real fanfiction but rest assured, it won't be my last! I already have so much more ideas on what I could write so I'll definetely be back. 
> 
> As I've already said, this story really grew close to my heart while writing it and I'm honestly a bit sad that it's over. In retrospect, I think it took me about three months to write this, but I wanted to wait until it was finished before showing it to the world (or at least to all the other choice here <3). But I'm glad that I did and I'm so happy to be able to contribute my tiny part to the fandom!  
But I should stop now before I end up telling you my entire life story... 
> 
> As always, your comments make me super happy so tell me what you thought! Or just scream at me, that's fine too. Just talk to me :D
> 
> Until next time and stay safe, everyone! <3


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